Should it be like this at 3 months?

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I'm looking for a little bit of perspective please.

I have been official with my boyfriend for coming up to 3 months. Things were great at first but I soon started having some niggles.

I came out of a bad 6 year relationship 18 months ago and I know I still have some walls up due to this.

Firstly, he would message me when I was active on social media but hadn't text him.

He read a text to my sons dad over my shoulder and made a comment about the length of it (it was about food my son had ate and arrangements for next day).

He's struggled to keep it up when we are intimate several times. Haven't thought much of this because it happens but it's been happening more when he overthinks. He's saying I shouldn't say this to him as it makes him feel bad.

He seems quite insecure and needs a lot of reassurance. I struggle with this as I am not his mother and it really irritates me.

To top it off we went out with friends last week and we spoke about holidays and I said yes that's somewhere me and ex went. He completely lost it. Said that my friends and I shouldn't mention my ex in front of him. He is my sons dad, he is going to come up in conversation. He started shouting, then crying when I sent him home. Stormed in and out saying he needed to sort it now whilst patting my leg.

I sent him home and now, over a week later, I'm still really angry. I am not coping with having to constantly reassure him as I don't think I should.

He's downplayed all of this, blamed it on the drink and that he had a LDR so he's new to this. However in my eyes alcohol is no excuse.

He's said it will never happen again but struggling to believe it. I don't think he understands my points at all. He wants to move forward but I am struggling with doing hay because I feel like he just wants it to blow over because he hates feeling bad.

However, I spent my time single working on myself and making myself strong again so now I am wondering if I am being too harsh and I need to help him?

The thing is even if it wasn't for all of this, if you just woke up yesterday morning and decided that even though he was a great boyfriend you just didn't fancy being with him then that would be absolutely fucking fine. You don't owe him anything- if he's not making you happy, move on.

As it happens, he's throwing out red flags all over the shop. Your instincts are spot on - you must've worked so hard on yourself to have gone from being immersed in an abusive relationship to spotting the signs so early on. Well done op .

From a male perspective, he sounds like a complete tool. He needs to get his balls out of his fanny pack and stop being a child. Real men don’t act this way.

Pander to these ridiculous demands and you’ll make a rod for your own back.

Thanks so much everyone for your really kind comments.

I was hoping for a male perspective! Thank you for that, I've been wondering all night if I have just set the bar too high.

If you are sick of it after just three months and rightfully so, then end it because it isn't going to get better.

He's the one acting like he doesn't trust you ... what does he mean about you trusting him?

I don't think you need a male perspective to work out that your bar is rolling around on the ground.

I've been wondering all night if I have just set the bar too high

Eh? You’ve set the bar at ‘someone who makes me happy’ surely? It would be weird to have a lower bar, frankly!

He's basically saying that if I trusted him he wouldn't have reacted the way he did?! Makes absolutely no sense.

You are both totally right about the bar too! Need to stop second guessing now

Already blaming his behaviour on you

Major red flags to me too. At least they’ve shown theirselves before you got in too deep. He is showing ‘typical behaviour’ in my opinion (and recent experience) of someone you need to stay away from.

He started shouting, then crying when I sent him home
You are TOTALLY being his mum figure.
Run, far and fast

THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

He's basically saying that if I trusted him he wouldn't have reacted the way he did?!

Gymnastic mind games. Nope. No need to second guess.

What does LDR mean?

LDR is a long distance relationship

Yep can only agree with everyone else, if he's this much hard work now, what would he be like further down the line? Get out asap.

Nothing wrong with checking you don't have unrealistic expectations but it really doesn't sound like you do!

However, I spent my time single working on myself and making myself strong again so now I am wondering if I am being too harsh and I need to help him?

Firstly, well done you for working in yourself whilst you were single. That’s how you have managed this time to see really early on that this relationship isn’t right.

Secondly, you are NOT responsible for him. It’s not your job to help him. Relationships should be equal and with mutual respect. This guy is a controlling twat and it’s goid that he has shown this to you right at the start. Get out now, and don’t look back.

Bar too high? No way. Your bar is still too low.

For example, He seems quite insecure and needs a lot of reassurance. I struggle with this as I am not his mother and it really irritates me.

If the person you are dating irritates you, you dump them. The reason for the irritation could be trivial, like the way they hoik their trousers up or huge like demanding like lots of reassurance. "This isn't working for me. All the best for the future. I hope you find a good match for you. Bye."

Wow. I'm 5 years in and it's not this bad .... 3 months? Chuck him he clearly will never be happy you have a son with another man and it doesn't even sound like you like him much

Thanks everyone!

I am glad I have spotted these signs, and it's something I really don't need in my life.

I wanted to be with him at the start. It was lovely then. But things soon changed. I know I don't NEED to be with him. I've been quite happy on my own.

@RabbitsAreTasty I actually agree with you there.

It's a shame but I have a 3 year old whose emotions I have to try and deal with let alone anyone else.

'You need to trust me'??? Wow, what a dick, I'm so glad you're not going to waste any more time on him. I don't trust anyone who reads things over my shoulder, my partner (of 17 years) would literally NEVER do that. I don't trust anyone who can't cope with me mentioning an ex, particularly if it were my child's father. I don't trust people who throw a tantrum when they are over 18. Besides that, he was trying to put it all on you, it's got fuck all to do with you trusting him, that's a complete red herring, how fucking dare he! He's a child, you're well rid. And nice one for working on yourself, best of luck for the future.

You have dumped him though, op??

Life's too short for this kind of drama.

You should be riding him like Seabiscuit after 3 months. Bin him off

@Ruddygreattiger2016 yes I wanted to do it in person so met him after work. It's all done and dusted.

Need to block now as I'm getting several texts...

Thanks everyone for all the messages, it helped me do what I knew I needed to.

Self care is the best care and I absolutely know what I want in a partner and until I get it I'm happier alone 💕

Well done you, I love reading threads like this, where you know the answer, ask the question, get the same answer and act on it.

Me too. I wish MNHQ would put them in a special "victory" section as a beacon guiding others to do the same.

Fantastic to cheer a strong woman on who knows her own worth. Hope others find this inspirational, well done op. Yes there will probably be masses of texts from him promising you the world, as you say, block and ignore.