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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I continue with the call?

27 replies

BWrose · 15/07/2018 18:50

I have one sister. She is estranged from the family but it's not that simple or easy.

She's finds offense easily with things where no harm or offense was meant. She makes so much drama.

She wants nothing more to do with the family and according to her and using her words - 'you are nothing to me'. Apparently we are all dead to her (her words again).

She won't leave us alone. The family has been subjected to a campaign of harassment from her. I could go on with everything she had done but I will be here into the middle of next year.

She won't leave us alone. She seems to have major difficulty at moving on with her decision 'to have nothing more to do with us'.

She wants to make us pay for her hurt feelings. She seems to think she has some sort of a right to do what she is doing.

When all this started and began, we followed the textbook so to speak of not responding. However, we are all on edge now and falling through the cracks and responding sometimes. Which is actually the worst thing to do. You can't reason with someone filled with so much hostility and someone who's trying to push our buttons. I suspect she wants us to respond badly so that she can behave like a maytr.

I was in and out to the police but they weren't helpful. They weren't taking this seriously. They were treating it as if it was a domestic issue and one for civil law.

My hands are tied. I don't have the money to take a civil case.

The harassment is ongoing today. The family are all at our wits ends.

Last week I rang her employer and made an appointment for a phone meeting to discuss matters with her employer. I don't want my sister to get the sack, that would be the worst thing to happen but her harassment and need for constant punishment and revenge has to stop.

What do you think, should I continue with the phone call?

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 15/07/2018 18:54

I'm confused. What has her employer got to with it??? Unless she has involved her work in the harassment, you certainly shouldn't be. ?

Disquieted1 · 15/07/2018 18:54

No. None of his business.

Emma765 · 15/07/2018 18:56

She sounds vulnerable. I can't see what her employer has got to do with it.

DPotter · 15/07/2018 18:57

The short answer is NO.
The slightly longer answer is No - even if you had a really good relationship with your sister - what business do you have contacting her employer? Things will only get worse if you go ahead with your plan.

My only suggestion would be to block her ability to contact any of the family. Take ownership of the situation and define your own terms. Treat her like a stalker, if you like. You could choose to advise her that this is what you are doing or you could all just block contact.

SmartyPants0 · 15/07/2018 18:57

Block all numbers you have for her and ignore ignore ignore... do not contact her employers otherwise it will seem you are looking for the drama

Aussiebean · 15/07/2018 18:59

It is not her employers business.

Block her or change numbers.

Caselgarcia · 15/07/2018 19:01

What will you say? Does her harassment involve the company? If not, it has nothing to do with them.
I would ignore her behaviour, don't respond to her. If she wants nothing to do with you, ignoring her is complying with her wishes

OhMeOhMy1234 · 15/07/2018 19:02

I’m sorry you’re being harassed, but what on earth does it have to do with her employer?

Either make a full report to the police or don’t. Block all means of communication. But I fail to see what it has to do with her employer.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 15/07/2018 19:06

What does she say you have done?

youbrokemytwatometer · 15/07/2018 19:16

Absolutely not. You say her being sacked would be the worst thing that could happen, and I assume you mean for your family, as she will want revenge for that, so what exactly do you think it will achieve? Who decided on that? Your whole family, or just you? Who is falling through the cracks and responding? We read on here all the time about people who manage to maintain no contact, so why can’t any of your family manage it? Block, delete, bin any mail, etc. What is she doing that can’t be dealt with in those ways?

Shortstuff08 · 15/07/2018 19:17

What has she actually done?

I can't believe you have called her employer. That's out of order.

Given that you arw trying to involved her employer, I can't help wondering if her version of events is completely different to yours and that the truth is somewhere in the middle of each story.

youbrokemytwatometer · 15/07/2018 19:18

Are you the poster who was worried the sister would claim the dogs ashes from the vet?

BWrose · 15/07/2018 19:20

The harassment is very big from her. I or others in the family would get messages first thing in the morning. Early morning around about 10.15 whivh would indicate morning breakfast time. Again around about lunch time. Again from 4.30pm onwards.

I don't understand how she can hold down a job. I would like to ask her employer, how she is working for them. Have they noticed or observed any behavior from her.

The harassment is very intense from her and very heavy and disgusting, vile talk. I want to see from her employer, if they have observed anything from her.

Not only that, many years ago she got involved with a man. Turns out, he told her a load of lies. She stalked him and found out the truth and harassed his family. It only stopped years later because his wife rang her work place at the time.

OP posts:
JustHereForThePooStories · 15/07/2018 19:21

What does her employer have to do with this? Is her harassment based on her job- ie, is she in a position where she has access to information about you?

If not, I’m surprised her employer has even engaged with you on this.

Disquieted1 · 15/07/2018 19:23

So you only want to see what her employer has observed?
Yeah, OK.

Shortstuff08 · 15/07/2018 19:23

I don't understand how she can hold down a job. I would like to ask her employer, how she is working for them. Have they noticed or observed any behavior from her.

It's non of your business how she holds down a job. Her employer would be breaking the law discussing this with you.

The wife had no right to drag in her employer either.

YOU are the one that sounds unhinged. All she seems to have done is text your family at reasonable times of the day

JustHereForThePooStories · 15/07/2018 19:24

Do her employers know what you want to speak to them about, and have they committed to the call? Do they know you’re her sister, or did you approach them as an unconnected member of the public?

I’m utterly shocked that they would engage with you on this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2018 19:24

Why don’t you all just block her?

ReevaDiva · 15/07/2018 19:24

What difference will it make what her employer tells you (which they probably won't)?

She sounds unhinged, but don't start behaving in a similar way.

youbrokemytwatometer · 15/07/2018 19:25

So she’s sending messages on her breaks? How do you not see how she’s holding down a job? This makes no sense to me.

And you haven’t exhausted all options of blocking her, clearly. I think you’re out to punish her, tbh.

JustHereForThePooStories · 15/07/2018 19:26

I don't understand how she can hold down a job. I would like to ask her employer, how she is working for them. Have they noticed or observed any behavior from her

Why??

What difference will it make to you? What do you hope to achieve from it?

You sound unhinged, and what you’re doing is vexatious and a form of harassment.

I’m beginning to see why your sister has issues with you.

Justgivemesomepeace · 15/07/2018 19:28

Her employer would be in big trouble for having any kind of conversation about 'how she is working for them' or to discuss her behaviour with anyone but her! They cannot have this conversation with you.

eddielizzard · 15/07/2018 19:29

Don't phone her employer. I can't see what you'd gain from that.

Why haven't you blocked her?

MynameisJune · 15/07/2018 19:30

Maybe I can see why she doesn’t want to speak to any of you anymore. Wtf has her job or employer got to do with your family drama.

LML83 · 15/07/2018 19:34

Do not continue with the call. Possibly you aren't coming across well in post but you sound very unreasonable.

Her work cannot stop this. They might think less of your sister but can't actually control who she texts. Most likely they will think you are a bit odd.

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