Dinner and husbond

[NeedDrink]

Ladies, I put this in relationships - but really need to know if I am being unfair in my relationship.
Facts - I have a son - 15, with special needs, ADHD, just came home from Venedig yesterday. I have a Daughter, 10, who have a friend here for a holiday. I have a husbond, been together 9 years.
We all had dinner this evening. Having fun, kids laughing, being silly. (They usually fight, but this summer they have been a miracle with eachother)
My son made a farting sound with his mouth, making the girls laugh so much. Husbond pointed that he didnt want that. Son couldnt help himself but laughing - which made my husbond conclude he was finished with dinner and could leave the table. He did. Girls was also finished - mood was GONE! I told him my opinion - he ruined the mood, totally - his argument was they werent having any dinner (who cares - I made dinner for me, if they dont eat it, they can make something themselves!)
Husbond got up, was leaving for the garden - I asked "so, Im doing all the clean up, then" - and he replied - "get the kids to help you".
They did, all of them (another miracle) and now Im sitting in lounge with a glass of wine and a movie, all kids having fun in sons room.

FOR FUCKS SAKE I am fed up with husbond not being able to tolerate FUN! Am I wrong? Am I being unfair?? He is out there, sulking, texting me that he will be having dinner alone now, so not to spoil all our fun. I replied it was his choice, but he was not to spoil the mood anymore. Dinner is not for "training" kids - in lack of English words - dinner is for relating, having a good time.. If they dont eat much, they sort it out themselves. They have arms, they know the kitchen. I dont care if they eat, they are not babies - I want to be with them.. Am I being unreasonoble?

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. The way he's behaving sounds like part of his character and people with a bad character won't change unless something traumatic happens to them.

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Maybe try and come up with a compromise on how you can both get along

How would that compromise sound? Dont threaten to hit my children and stop being a bully or i Will leave you? Or Because you bought me a house and employ me, i Will let you bully my kids and still have sex with you? I have noooo clue how to proceed!! He is closed and Hard and cold to me. Because I dared telling him it is not ok to be a bully. Fuck!!

I do love him . 90 % of the time he is nice. But Cross him.. hell Will break loose. Look at how he treated hos own kids. How can i reason with Him? How can i make him see importance of empathy??

It sounds as though there are cultural differences, he was probably brought up in a strict family and it's in built into him now, it's who he is and very hard to change. He sounds as if he loves you very much op, he just dosnt know how to show you, the way you expect. Maybe you should take the love language's quiz together and then explain to him your results, that you both perceive show of love differently and both need to make an effort to take that into account and be mindful of your differences. A lot of men see sex as a show of love, it's their way of communicating and makes them feel connected and loved by their partners, whereas a lot of women see communication, affection as shows of love. You both need to learn a happy medium and with his bad communication skills I'm afraid it will be up to you to be the one to help you both.

Well if he threatens to hit and abuse your kids then you should be leaving him..

Also you should look at the 80/20 rule of long term relationships, basically you should expect your relationship to be 80% of how you want it to be and the other 20% makes up compromise, accepting your partners differences, etc. I only say this because you say it's great 90% of time.

Op compared to many posts on this forum of men cheating, gas lighting, lying, abusing, destroying their women, it really sounds as though you have it fairly easy. You say you love him and from what you've said he's done for you, he clearly loves you.

I agree. But how do i do? We have talked and talked about love language. He Know what i want. He just dont Know how to do. He Think he smile at me. I Say it require your mouth to move. Using face mimic. He cant. It is not natural for him . Therefore he refuses. I have no clue how to make him be warm and show emotion. He Say- but i work hard, that must be Enough. So when he want sex- i say: but i just did laundry- why is that not Enough. He wants his needs met, but i Should Settle for work and money. I have no clue how to explain my needs in order for him to atleast try.. I love him and i am so sad. I dont want divorce. But my kids come first and i dont Know how to reason with Him..

You re not compatible

I see how it's difficult for you, he sounds like he's a very different person to you, my mother and father were in a very similar situation to yours. He had a very strict upbringing, no fun, or shows of emotion, and didn't know how to deal with kids really, expected manners and sensibility at all times, where she was open, laid back and fun. Their relationship was never easy, plenty of ups and downs but they loved each other at the end of the day and worked on it until he eventually mellowed with time and patience.

Only you can decide what your limits are and if he's truly worth it.

You are right. I Will give it time and observe. You always say get your ducks in row- what does that mean?

Get your ducks in a row means prepare to leave, sort out your finances, make plans to find somewhere to live, contact a solicitor if needs be, basically be clever in planning your future by yourself and children.

I really understand your frustration with the lack of communication from your dh. It's a really difficult situation to be in, and I see how you see it unfair where he expects sex because he works hard, and you work hard too but he's not meeting your needs. Men can see things very different to women and some men need a lot of teaching to become better partners. You know if he's worth the time to teach or not. Really if you don't feel he has the capacity to make an effort to change and you feel you're wasting your time, then I'd get my ducks in a row. Particularly since he's taking his frustrations out on your son. You must explain to him this is totally unacceptable and you will leave without doubt if he continues to make threats. Do you think he's jealous of your attention to your children?