Dinner and husbond

[NeedDrink]

Ladies, I put this in relationships - but really need to know if I am being unfair in my relationship.
Facts - I have a son - 15, with special needs, ADHD, just came home from Venedig yesterday. I have a Daughter, 10, who have a friend here for a holiday. I have a husbond, been together 9 years.
We all had dinner this evening. Having fun, kids laughing, being silly. (They usually fight, but this summer they have been a miracle with eachother)
My son made a farting sound with his mouth, making the girls laugh so much. Husbond pointed that he didnt want that. Son couldnt help himself but laughing - which made my husbond conclude he was finished with dinner and could leave the table. He did. Girls was also finished - mood was GONE! I told him my opinion - he ruined the mood, totally - his argument was they werent having any dinner (who cares - I made dinner for me, if they dont eat it, they can make something themselves!)
Husbond got up, was leaving for the garden - I asked "so, Im doing all the clean up, then" - and he replied - "get the kids to help you".
They did, all of them (another miracle) and now Im sitting in lounge with a glass of wine and a movie, all kids having fun in sons room.

FOR FUCKS SAKE I am fed up with husbond not being able to tolerate FUN! Am I wrong? Am I being unfair?? He is out there, sulking, texting me that he will be having dinner alone now, so not to spoil all our fun. I replied it was his choice, but he was not to spoil the mood anymore. Dinner is not for "training" kids - in lack of English words - dinner is for relating, having a good time.. If they dont eat much, they sort it out themselves. They have arms, they know the kitchen. I dont care if they eat, they are not babies - I want to be with them.. Am I being unreasonoble?

Yep hes a fun sucker!

My DH struggles to 'join' in with any fun going in and says random stuff to divert the conversation etc ..... he's free to leave!

They aren't kids for long and these are memories and fun times that bring you together.

He's being a miseryguts! Your DCs and their friend are just over-excited - DS's first night back, DD having a friend to stay - your DH could perhaps have let them have one meal of mayhem and then warned them, that after that evening he would expect good table manners. (Mind - I would find burping/farting noises at the table to be excessive, but he could have told them - nothing that would put people off their dinner)

Sounds like he was at the end of his tether when the kids took a joke a bit too far.

Was it an overreaction? Yes.
Have we all had sense of humour failure at one time or another? Yes.

So what do i do now? Kids asked if he wanted to Help them half an hour - he hasnt done anything Today- and still just replied "no". Sitting on the terrasse. How do go about this, smartest?

I Know- i am Also not perfekt - but he has been silent/sulking since dinner YESTERDAY !! And i am getting pissed off by the lenght of it and need advise to handle it. And thank you all, for reply 🌹

Suggestions on New approach to try out Tonight?

Just live your life and get on without him. He’s a bad role model for your children. Maybe tell him that.

You mentioned company. That was when you should have tried something different. When you let them in your should have said that he was giving you and the children the silent treatment and so you don’t know if he was coming to join you. Maybe he won’t be so quick to try it next month if he knows you will tell everyone.

No i mean now. Today. He Will get in later and be somewhat friendly in front of tv and pretend it didnt happend. Take my hand. Chit chat about garden. I dont want that. I am pissed he treat us all so indifferently and i honestly dont want to him to just ignore yesterday and Today. And to be so indifferently towards kids - i cant let it go on.

A 15 year old making farting nouses is grim. If anyone ruined the mood it was your son.

Don’t be available tonight. Do your own thing, go out, in another room, take your children to stay somewhere else for the night.

I’m not saying do it back to him, just don’t be in a position for him to come and act if everything is ok.

Or tell him he’s a poor excuse of an adult.

Avoiding him doesnt solve anything. Og just makes this limbo longer.
It is not About children behaviour anymore- it is About hus behaviour after i pointed out Something i was disagreeing in- and he does this. For more Than 24 HOURS now . 🤤

I remember your last post. Your husband took you and your children out of a desperate situation, paid off all your debts, set you up in business to fit around your MH problems, pays for your children's education, provides you with a very high standard of living, gives you massages, buys you flowers, cuddles you in the evenings etc. but you are not happy because he doesn't give you enough emotional support. How do you think he would describe your relationship?

He is wonderfull in every other way, that is true. I am Looking Into the possibility that this sulking is abuse.
What is your point? I Know he is lovely in Many ways . So i Should just shut up? Really??

He just went to bed.. with a "goodnight". Problem postboned.. 😣

He is NOT abusive!!! My god I know there are a lot of nasty people in the world but why is mumsnet obsessed with labelling every man as abusive?!

OP, your son was acting like an animal at the dinner table. It’s revolting to be making fart noises, and you’ll probably find your husband is more pissed off that you dismissed his feelings towards your rude son, than what your son was actually doing.
If I was him I’d be now more pissed off with you than the situation at the dinner table.

You seem to dismiss your sons behaviour because he’s got adhd? Dismissing it because he was making the girls laugh? No - he was being disgusting and making horrible noises at the dinner table. I wouldn’t want to be around your son either if he feels he’s able to get away with being dirty, which you seem to let him to

Your husband isn’t abusive ffs you’re just trying to find a way to lay the blame on him. What’s actually worse here, your sons horrible table manners which you are allowing, or the fact your husband has had enough of his manners?

I’m sure your husband thinks you’re also lovely in many ways but probably finds your lack of discipline towards your unmannered son rather frustrating.

Maybe you’re being abusive as well by dismissing his feelings?

I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s fun to sit at the table listening to a 15 year old TEENAGER make fart noises? It’s vile.

Refused to Help son with Something, only saying no to him, no further explanation

I don’t blame him!!!!
I wouldn’t want to be around your rude son either. He’s 15 years old making fart noises at the dinner table - I’d be avoiding him as well!

Had a diskussion this morning - i asked for divorce. He left. Dont Know hos to proceed.

I don't blame him. Sounds like it’ll be a relief and he can leave you and your children to be hilarious and immature together

He is incabable of showing emotion towards us. He push and shout to children, humiliates them. Bully my son and threaten to hit him. I read thread on Aspergers. Totally lack of emotional Skills. He just dont get it. Dinner was not out of kontrol. He is. Dont speak to any of us for 48 hours. That is ok but a farting noise is not?? My son just admitted the reason he wishes to go to boarding school is Because he Know my HusbAnd dont like him. To which HusbAnd admitted was true. I cant cope. I Walk in egshells. Yes he is wonderfull most of the time. The things i said in previous thread is true. He paied my debt, he made company for me to work in, etc - but he cant show emotion to kids, and emotion towards me is with One gold - sex! Which is taken from a movie, no emotions! He has fallen out with all his famìly, no c ontact to grown children or siblings - they crossed him. They dared to challange his lack of emotions - especially his daughter feels left out - and he cut them out. No feelings. Im so tired. Yea he do a lot of good. But the no show of loving emotions make me so exhsusted and tired and Feeling horrible my son wont live here because of HusbAnd..

Please help me - am i in the Wrong? Is it ok to be so cold because he paied my debt? I dont take this lightly - i ask for your help..

Sounds like he has done a lot for you and this is one flaw. No one is perfect and i think youve taken it all for granted. The sulking is annoying but why cant you just have a discussion about that?

Because he is so cold and distant. But you are right . He is wonderfull in so Many areas, so I Should just accept he threaten to be violent and my son leaving home Because of it. Because farting noise are so Much worse Than an lack of empathy and og ignoring us all . I dont take himfor granted. I love him. I want to be close. Intimate. He have no clue what i mean. He havent seen his daughter or his grandchildren in a year Because She dared tell Him She feels left out. He just cut her out. He Goes days without speaking to us. But hey- he brings the money, so I need to put up and suck it up - orleave. No need to tryto understand or fix it. I Feel i gotback to 100 years Ago. Just 🤤🤤🤤

I make farting noises as my 14 month old son to make him giggle, couldn't give two f's whether it's at the dinner table, a restaurant or anywhere else and I am 32. Life is short and they were eating at their private dinner table for goodness sake. If people are having fun then life experience has taught me to revel in that rather than encouraging a hostile environment. Kids need a combination of discipline and healthy happy social interactions and this doesn't end when they become teenagers... some people on here are deeply deeply unpleasant. Faring noises with your younger sibling makes is animalistic when you are at the family dinner table? Bloody hell

Thanks!!! He is back but have no clue of how to endure Our fun. Now he sit in sofa refusing doing work as he cant be both working and friendly. Son havent been out of room since yesterday. What the fuck to do. I honestly dont Think he has a clue about showing emotion.. I Think he Feel emotion. But cant show. I am suffering, kids are suffering.. but what to do next?

Pay him back and start divorce proceedings as you’ve already said you plan to do.

You’re obviously not happy and have next to nothing nice to say about him. What was a gripe about dinner time has turned into you completely assassinating his whole personality. If he’s so terrible and you and your children are so amazing then your life will be 100% better without him so just get on with it and tell him it’s over.

He doesn’t sound happy living with you either.

But i keep thinking if he could just understand importance of being kind. He has a lot of good qualities - but read what i wrote. He threaten to hit son, leave when things get difficult and cant show emotion. I dont want divorce- i want him to be warm. How to explain to him? He is so Hard and cold..