What to do with this situation...

[mynameisupsydaisy]

So, basically I work in a shop.
There’s a man that comes in. He knows I’m in a long term relationship with a child.
We’ve spoken about it in passing, eg mentioned holidays I’ve been on etc. Never given him any reason to believe I’m unhappy, although he’s heard me moaning to my colleagues for example “I’ll have to dash out in a minute as DP has forgotten DD swimming kit AGAIN” for example. He’s always fishing for info re me and my family life but I just change the subject.
Anyway he’s taken to constantly friend requesting me on Facebook, like every day. I’ve blocked one account of his and he made another. I’ve stopped reading the messages now, but it was mostly along the lines of him wanting to take me out for drinks/meals. I’ve never replied to these.
He’s now started constantly calling me on Facebook messenger. I ignore these calls too. So all calls and messages look to him like they’ve not been seen/read.
I wanted to just ignore them as I didn’t want things to be awkward at work if I saw him and for him to ask why i hadn’t responded.
He’s got a gf himself too and is 15 years younger than me.
The ignoring him approach clearly isn’t working and my DP wants me to openly say to him “stop calling and messaging me”
I’m worried this will make it awkward at work.
But to be fair I already feel intimidated when he comes in and it makes me shaky and nervous so it can’t get much worse.

Can you ask your supervisor to speak to him? Unless you are the supervisor...

I’m not the supervisor.
I’ve made them aware of him. They don’t really say much, just ignore him.

You need to make it clear the approaches are not welcome or he’ll think his persistence may eventually pay off.

Just reply something like “I am not interested in a personal relationship with you, please do not contact me again”

I think I’m going to have to say this to him, but it’s tricky because my shop sells to one type of customer who we have been building relationships with over the years.
Think along the lines of a wine merchant selling to restaurants or a company selling insurance and other products to companies.
It’s really hard to go into without outing myself, but we are paid to build working relationships with people in order to increase our sales. Nothing dodgy at all, just good working relationships.
This customer is a big spender so obv trying to avoid upsetting him which will affect our sales.

He doesn’t work there? Next time tell him “I’m at work, please stop” you have told your supervisors so no suprise if he complains about you.

No he doesn’t work there! We just sell him products on an ongoing basis so he’s in a few times a week dealing with things.
Should I tell him in person? Or just reply to a message. There’s 3 weeks of unread messages from him on my phone.

Building relationships with customers is not the same as tolerating harrassment from them over social media. You are entitled to peace in your personal life.
If he is contacting you by facebook reply, screenshot then block

Thanks all. Definitely going to say something. Was REALLY hoping he’d get the hint as that would be the most pain free resolution wouldn’t it.

Have you tried putting some nice family photos up on Facebook? You and dp and dc together (presuming your privacy settings allow him to see them)?

That’s EXACTLY the thing. I put my Facebook onto public for a week or so and there are hundreds of photos of us together.
So he’s definitely seen them. We had been at a few events so there were lots of “posh” photos we got tagged in over the space of a week.
He one million percent knows that I’m in a LTR and have a child. Just don’t get why he thinks I’d want to go for dinner with him?

I think the next time he messages me I’d reply and say ‘ hi sorry I can’t speak to you on social media as it would undermine the professional relationship we have and it wouldn’t be appropriate’
If he message doesn’t get through I’d take it further .

Just don’t get why he thinks I’d want to go for dinner with him?

Because he's not thinking like a normal person. He's not taking the hint because he is tapped in some way. He sounds like the kind of guy who thinks he can buy who he wants or that he's irresistible. I feel for you OP cos he's the kind of guy who could stir up shit for you once he realises you are not going to bite. You need to get this officially recorded with your supervisor just in case.

My DP is threatening to message him to ask him to stop unless I do something about it. He’s getting annoyed, unsurprisingly.
And yes I’m worried the work man is a little unhinged. In the past I’ve been dealing with another customer and couldn’t deal with him and he’s made really childish comments after like “I don’t like you anymore” and “you’re not my favourite here anymore”
It’s bloody ridiculous.
So yes I do worry about him lying to other people about me and shit stirring.
I’m debating saying that my DP found his numerous messages as I have messenger on our joint iPad and he wasn’t happy.
Do you think that would stop him?

Or, even better, say that we’ve had written guidance not to accept customers as friends on fb or to communicate with them? Sound plausible?

To be honest I would go back to your supervisor and insist they help you. A lone woman isn't going to do much good up against a man who obviously doesn't care for your consent, as it is quite obvious to any sane person that 3 weeks of trying with no answer means that he doesn't have your interest.

Go back to your supervisor and explain to them the gravity of the situation. Also, yes, your husband contacting him will make him see that you are protected by another male and might make him back off. Unfortunately this is how these men think.

My supervisors aren’t taking it seriously.
They laugh and think he’s got a funny crush on me, especially as he’s so much younger.
It’s really intimidating though.
I’m starting to get really twitchy and nervous if I think he’s walking through the door.
I panic that he’s going to ask why I’ve ignored him for 3 weeks on social media and I won’t know what to say.

Well your supervisors are being crap supervisors.

I panic that he’s going to ask why I’ve ignored him for 3 weeks on social media and I won’t know what to say.

"Look, I'm glad you asked because I have to tell you that I feel really uncomfortable with you constantly trying to contact me. My husband is also starting to get annoyed. So you need to stop putting me in this uncomfortable position"

Practise it till you've got it down pat. You'll feel nervous as hell when he comes in but feel the fear and do it anyway because he's being a dick and you're in the right.

I would t use work as an excuse not to have dinner with him as he might think you’d go out with him if work wasn’t an issue.

You need to quite clearly and strongly tell him to stop messaging you and that regardless of work or current relationships you wouldn’t ever have dinner with him. If he doesn’t back off the get work involved and if they don’t want to or he doesn’t back off the give the police a call

Can you ask your supervisors at work to put someone else on his account/deal with him? I think they should be taking it seriously, it’s test amount to stalking and could turn out to be very serious indeed .

i wouldn’t use work

Him: I’ve messaged you on fb, why haven’t you responded

You: I’m flattered, however I don’t want to have dinner with you. Please stop messaging me’

Then smile at him and carry on with whatever work you have

*I panic that he’s going to ask why I’ve ignored him for 3 weeks on social media and I won’t know what to say.&

Look him straight in the eyes, frown and say 'i am not in the slightest bit interested. It is your time you are wasting'

You: I’m flattered

NEVER say you are flattered. Just say you are not interested.

Could you not respond to a message saying clearly that you are not interested and don't want any contact with him other than in the shop?

If your supervisors wont take it seriously, then speak to someone higher up.
Speak to HR if you need to. Tell them how anxious and intimidated you feel. Tell them you're being accosted via social media outside of work as well as in work. Threaten to leave. Tell them you feel forced to quit because no one takes this seriously. Your company NEED to know that this is a serious situation. Fuck knows what this tapped stalker will do. Because thats what he is. A stalker. He wont take a hint.

Get your company onside and aware of the severity of the situation. Then proceed to tell the creep that 'you're flattered but will keep a strictly prefessional relationship with him and nothing more'.

I wouldn't use work as an excuse not to have dinner with him as he might think you’d go out with him if work wasn’t an issue.

Agree. He'll take it as an invitation to find a "loophole". I've seen this happen.

Next time you speak to your supervisors point out it's stalking and you expect them to take it seriously before you end up having to involve the police.

Don't make excuses and don't try to soften the blow. He will interpret both as "I'm interested in you there's just this hurdle in the way right now".

Straight and to the point.

If he doesn't back off you need to start keeping records of everything he's doing - screenshots etc and a diary log - in case you do need to report him.