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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help sexually feeling towards husbands best mate

30 replies

Sammy897 · 12/07/2018 00:28

Hi everyone I need some help my husbands best mate come round while my husband was out at football. We where talking and having a laugh there has also been a bit of flirting between us for years but this time he made a move on me but soon left after rejection but now I can’t stop thinking about him sexually.... also I keep waking up thinking about him. Please Help I dunno what to do. Me and husband haven't been right for years so do I make a fresh start.

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 12/07/2018 00:32

Do you leave your husband for his best mate (not a mate at all, by the way)? No.

Leave your husband if you need to, but dont make it a shit show if you dont have to. If he can betray his best friend like that, no way on earth is he a trustworthy bloke.

HeddaGarbled · 12/07/2018 01:09

Don’t kid yourself - he just wants a shag, this isn’t a new wonderful fresh start life, it’ll be a whole heap of shit.

Sort stuff out with your H or leave him but DO NOT SHAG HIS BEST FRIEND!

KirstenRaymonde · 12/07/2018 01:12

Don’t do anything on the basis of one guy making a move on you. If you’re not happy in your marriage, fine, leave. But don’t start thinking this guy has come to sweep you off your feet or ‘offer you a fresh start’ when he’s made no indication of it.

Shortstuff08 · 12/07/2018 04:43

Are you seriously asking if you should leave your husband and make a fresh start with his best mate?

That's shitty. You certainly don't give a shit about your husband. What you should do is tell your husband his mate is a wanker. End the marriage and move on. Not with the best friend.

Do you really think it would work with someone who has no loyalty and no respect for the people who he, apparently, cares about.

LellyMcKelly · 12/07/2018 05:29

Make a fresh start, but not with your husband’s best mate. If he thinks it’s ok to make a move on you, chances are he’s made a move on some of the wives you know. If you run off with him, I give it a few years before he’s run off with someone else.

Itscominghomeyesitis · 12/07/2018 05:38

If you shag your husbands best mate you will have turned into a terrible human being.

pigeondujour · 12/07/2018 06:08

Me and husband haven't been right for years so do I make a fresh start.

With him?! It seems naive in the extreme to think that that's an option on the table. It sounds more like he's got zero respect for your husband and even less for you because you've been 'flirting for years'. He thinks you're an easy option for a shag and that you'll have a vested interest in covering his tracks for him.

Itscominghomeyesitis · 12/07/2018 06:19

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3299453-I-have-a-crush-on-my-colleague

OPs response to the thread above 15 mins before posting this one suggests it's already happened..

pigeondujour · 12/07/2018 06:27

Crikey someone enjoyed the semi final...

ShatnersWig · 12/07/2018 08:05

Well @Sammy897 is a peach isn't she?

Shortstuff08 · 12/07/2018 08:09

So you have already crossed the line.

Wow......your husband is unlucky having you and his best friend in his life.

What a set of dickheads.

Original poster

Sammy897 · 12/07/2018 08:32

No it hasn’t already happend he made a move on me I pushed him back after sort of kissing him back. But I’m just so confused and don’t know what the hell to do because I do look at him sexually and think what if.... I just really don’t no what to do about the whole thing I’m just so confused.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 12/07/2018 08:43

Would you care to explain why on this thread you say things haven't been right between you and your husband for years yet only 15 minutes prior on another thread you say you're happily married?

And does this other post refer just to "kissing" then?

I’m happily married with 2 kids. But I still flirt with blokes also like you say get strong connections with them/ think about them sexually. There was one bloke tho my partners best friend where it went wrong and happend. Apart from that these no harm in flirting or think about someone sexually

numptynuts · 12/07/2018 08:44

I'm confused. You gave firm advice on the other thread. Which one is true?

Original poster

Sammy897 · 12/07/2018 08:52

Because I am sort of happily married but we have been having problems for a few years now and what I am saying is after this kiss I’m just so confused about things Im not sure should I leave my husband or stay with him and try and work things out. I did push him away so I think that shows that I do love my husband and want to be with him still but part of me did wanna go through with it. I’m just so confused right now. I think me and husband need to just talk about things.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 12/07/2018 08:56

I think the answer I'm looking for is "bollocks"

Original poster

Sammy897 · 12/07/2018 09:22

@shatnerswig thanks for your help

OP posts:

LunaTrap · 12/07/2018 09:34

Yeah go for it. I'm sure it will all turn out really well, your husband will happily wave you off and your kids will be delighted that you've put your sexual feelings ahead of their security and happiness.

Gottokondo · 12/07/2018 09:38

Can't you just keep it a fantasy? I have amazing chemistry with my DH's best fiend since childhood. I have lovely fantasies about shagging him senseless. I will never do it though, it would destroy DH. I just use the energy to make DH happy .

Carrotshelpuseeinthedark · 12/07/2018 09:46

Would you really want to be with someone who hits on his best friends wife? He's not someone to be trusted. Mind u if you're a flirter/sexual thoughts too lots of people maybe you're not either. If you were a bloke u would be told to stop thinking with yr dick and to keep it in yr pants!

dirtybadger · 12/07/2018 10:02

Its hard to give advice. What sort of problems have you been having? There are "we have been together a long time" problems to be worked through, and more serious problems probably not worth it (abuse, cheating, etc)

IMO if you want to continue with Dh you need to tell him about his friend so you can both remove him from your life. He is a slimeball. Hopefully your Dh can forgive you if you are honest, and also as you rejected him

Carrotshelpuseeinthedark · 12/07/2018 10:15

But won't his mate say she lead him on? Why did he come round when dh not there and why did she let him in? Because he thought he had a chance maybe? Imo she shouldn't say anything and decide whether she wants to be with dh instead of playing silly buggers.

Original poster

Sammy897 · 12/07/2018 11:12

@Gottokondo it would destroy my DH as well that’s why I didn’t act or make a move back he kissed me I got lost in the moment kissed him back for 2 secs then pushed him away and told him to leave I’m just so confused about it all I have sexually feelings towards him i do think about shagging him a lot but i couldn’t do it either. Maybe I’ll keep it a fantasy aswell

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammy897 · 12/07/2018 11:19

The problems me and my husband are having is I’m not interested in sex I say I have a low sex drive but i still get turned on and feel sexually towards other men more than my DH also I please my self but just don’t have sex it’s driving DH mad it’s be like it for years

OP posts:

greendale17 · 12/07/2018 11:25

You are still interested in sex. Just not with your husband.

You say it has been like this for years. Your husband is a saint for putting up with it

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