How long does it really take to get ‘over’ someone

[Alittlelost1]

Thought I’d found the most perfect guy. Only dated him for 6 months (on and off) but owing to his own circumstances (including stress) we parted company last month. We don’t talk but I miss him soo much. I just don’t believe I’ll find someone that i want, as much. I miss him more than I did my previous partner and I was with him for years. Turning 30 has also really scared me..... it’s not too late is it?

I’m in the same boat. Broke up 6 weeks ago and even though I know it was the right thing, not a day goes past where I don’t think about him. I just can’t seem to stop hurting 😞

It’s reallt shit. I wish I could just hate him but I’m struggling. Finally stopped blaming myself though, which is something. I wouldn’t even say my situation was for the best. Nothing bad actually happened. He was just in a rubbish place and didn’t put enough in to making me happy. As a result I become anxious. I know he won’t come back but I still wish he would and I feel pathetic x

Snap. After trying to support him thought his difficult times I’d had enough of being kept at arms length. Long story short he decided it wasn’t fair on me him putting no effort in and gave up. After sticking with him though all the crap he just walked away.....haven’t heard anything since. I know how hard it is..... at least you know you’re not alone out there!

Really does sound like we’re in the same boat! Hopefully the rage will arrive and I’ll soon start to hate him!

Im just trying to keep busy..... mind keeps drifting back though! Half of me wonders if I should just go back on tinder or something to focus on something else. I wouldn’t take him back even if he turned up on the doorstep. If they can walk away they just aren’t worth it. My heart needs to listen to that though!

Rubbish times. Obviously everyone's different (and every relationship is different) but I used to feel like it took about the same length of time that the relationship lasted for before I really felt like I'd put it behind me.

Thank goodness that this only lasted 6 bloody months! I’ll be ok by the turn of the new year. Sadly, If mine appeared, i know I’d go back!

I have gone back on Tinder...... I need a distraction. Wrong? Probably....

I know I can’t get in to another relationship but I’m going to have some fun x

Delete and block - I was in your position 2 years ago and this is the most positive step you can make.

Whenever you’re thinking about him tell yourself STOP. I wallowed got ages and it took me over a year (was with him 6 years). I feel so much happier and free now - I can’t even remember what I liked or loved about him. It’s HARD but it’s not impossible and you WILL move on

Also I went on tinder and dated beautiful and fun men no strings for a while. It helped...get out and have fun - you’re so young

I feel that way about the previous guy. We broke up after several years together, last summer. I got over him fairly quickly. This guy was different thou. Emotionally unavailable but so so attractive and successful in his field of work. I know that seems very shallow but I felt like a silly little girl around him. I held his hand through some really rough times - and he’s just shown his true colours. I want to hate him but just remember how attracted I was to him

I read somewhere it takes a month for every year you have been together.

Can’t be true lol. I wasn’t wirh him a year and it’s been longer than a month 😩

There are no rules.
Last time it took me about three weeks. But I think that's the "fastest".
But really, it takes as long as it takes. You can however speed up the process

How’d you speed up the process? I’ve cut all contact, deleted all conversations, photos.... given my self a break from social media so I can’t see what he’s doing. I’ve stopped talking to his family - what next lol

Get under someone new!!

I think the most difficult relationship I ever had to recover from last only three months. But it was very intense, felt right, perfect mix of everything, and then he dumped me, made up some bullshitty reason too. Nothing has ever been harder to get over. I think it was partly my age (29, long time ago now). I felt he was the one. Felt all the looking in vain before him made sense finally, waiting for something that just felt so right - only to be dumped with a character assassination. So, the ''rule'' of needing one month per year is nuts!
After 7 years with my xh I just closed the front door behind me, so glad to be leaving.

You're already doing it. Go out, see your friends, meet new people, enjoy summer. Maybe find someone else you're attracted to. Focus on anything/anyone else. You'll get there in no time and suddenly you realize you're over him 😊
Oh, and yoga helps! Believe it or not, give it a try though

Also in a similar boat, on and off (Very similar to @tiltedtowers) between me and another girl.
In the end, I picked myself up and told him to do one. If I wasn't the choice , I wasn't going to be a choice at all.
As much as the dignity was great, it still hurts months down the line. Keep thinking it will get better but god, it still hurts like hell.

It depends on a lot of things that are impossible to name.

Some people, I have forgotten about completely.

The ending up unrequited love were the hardest to get over.

My 1st DH RIP, I'll never get over but that's ok. I don't have to completely get over my loved ones who have passed.

This stbxh, it's been 3 years since D Day and I am just now starting to get over him. I suspect the reason is, is that he kept coming back giving me hope which is a slow torture. In hindsight, it would have been much better to have immediately gone NC. And that I was completely blindsided by his MLC.

I believe that the reason I’m so worried is because I’m now 30. I’ve convinced myself that time is running out.......

I'm about to turn 40 and feel that time is running out for me. Never been married, never has kids and feeling that life has passed me by...

30 isn't old!

Unhelpful, I'm afraid, but the answer is: it depends. I read somewhere in a book that it takes half the time you were together; if that's true you'll get 3 months "sentence". Hope it will be that short. In my personal experience, 2 years were enough after 12 years old marriage broke down; 2 months of highly concentrated pain after dating someone for 1 month only. I suspect the harder you suffer, the quicker it will run out, but it will happen. The real question should be not how long, but how to live through it.

er, you said on the above thread he "didn’t put enough in to making me happy. As a result I become anxious".
Anxious is a key word here. A kind, loving partner (not to mention the one who CAN love) will give reassurance till he's blue in the face. The fact that he didn't doesn't spell anything good if you were still together, so perhaps it will help you to get over if you think that the alternative - being together - would not be that attractive. If he made you anxious - let's just not mince words, some people do make you anxious - because "he's in the rubbish place", he'll do it again. Life is full of rubbish places, sometimes a goddamn big skip, - so does it mean he'll be unsupportive each time his own life is imperfect? Yep. Do you need/can be happy with a "fair weather love"? Unlikely. So, dear unknown friend, please consider it a good riddance. And look out for this man's traits in anyone else you'll meet, so you'll know what exactly to avoid.

I'm 5 and a half weeks in a break up, after being with him for 2.5 years.

If it's going to take a year and 3 months then I give up now!
The initial devastation has left but I still feel pretty awful at some points.

@bloodydisgrace you are soo right in what you say. I would do well to remember exactly, that he was all too happy to burden me with his problems, ones that I was there for him for, continuously but less happy to deal with my need for reassurance every now and again when his behaviour made me a little anxious. My head and my heart say different things. I know this is for the best....