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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband talking...

42 replies

itbemay · 10/07/2018 16:46

I love my OH, in every other aspect of day to day life he is great, but he constantly talks over me. It is so bloody annoying, and it's not just at home he does it in company not only to me but to others and it is really getting to me - to the point where I don't talk so he can't talk over me. I have spoken to him about it on several occasions, in a joking way and also sat down in a serious way but he doesn't seem to change, sometimes if he does it and I stop talking he realises and says 'oh carry on then' but not often. I am really at the point where I just can't be bothered to make conversation so now all he does is talk at me, a lot, about his day, this dc's etc and I just nod and listen. Anyone else had any experience or can offer any advice? Thx in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
itbemay · 10/07/2018 16:47

For context we have x 2 teens and have been together 21 years!

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MachineBee · 10/07/2018 16:50

Oh dear OP. If you’ve been together for 21 years but it’s only just started to bother you, I would wonder if there’s other things within your relationship going wrong.

Original poster
itbemay · 10/07/2018 16:53

@machinebee thank you for your reply, he has always done it but more recently a lot more, but you are right I did sit and think why am i letting this bother me so much now and not previously but there isn't anything that I can really put my finger on.

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Idontbelieveinthemoon · 10/07/2018 16:56

now all he does is talk at me, a lot, about his day, this dc's etc and I just nod and listen.

So he's happiest when you're silent and nodding? Doesn't sound like an equal partnership at all.

I haven't got any advice because after 21 years you're unlikely to ever stop him being such a bulldozer. Doesn't make it right, though.

numptynuts · 10/07/2018 17:03

Just say loudly "excuse me for talking whilst you are interrupting me" every time he does it.

MonaLisaSimpson · 10/07/2018 17:04

My DP does it occasionally. I get louder when he does it...

Original poster
itbemay · 10/07/2018 17:23

@idontbelieveinthemoon - sadly yes, he loves the sound of his own voice

@numptynuts I have started to say sorry did you want to say something more important than me as you have clearly interrupted me to say it, he usually replies with hurry up and finish then, and i then don't bother so he talks!

@monalisasimpson i have tried this approach but seriously I would be screaming at him every conversation

This morning we had Piers and Suzanna on the news and OH was shouting at the TV 'piers let her speak' i almost spat my tea out, I did say to him isn't it annoying, but the irony was lost!

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Barbaro · 10/07/2018 17:31

My partner does this now and again, interrupts me when I'm saying something. I just stop him and go 'mind letting me finish and not being rude and interrupting? '. He gets it but does forget.

mogratpineapple · 10/07/2018 17:37

It's rude and disrespectful - but I'm guessing that it's just a bad habit he has (given that your marriage is basically good).

Perhaps you could put up your hand as if to stop him when this happens "I am talking.". I am a teacher and was taught this as a strategy to deal with the kids who talk when I am talking.

girlwithadragontattoo · 10/07/2018 18:30

My partner used to do this to me. I lost my cool with him once when i was driving with him in the front and my brother in the back. I said that he always talked over and that he's actually very rude. My brother piped up and said he'd noticed it to. It stopped for a while then he started doing it again. I then stopped talking, waiting for him to finish, told him he was rude, waited for an apology and then carried on.
I found embarrassing him did the trick

Maelstrop · 10/07/2018 18:32

Just turn round and walk away. Every single time. He is not more important than you, but clearly thinks he is.

Unescorted · 10/07/2018 18:35

I have a colleague who does this...to women only. We all let him speak, but keep our mouth in the exact position and start our sentences exactly where he interrupted. We just take off again as if he had never said a word. It is slowly sinking in.

matchingpjs · 10/07/2018 19:03

Keep it straightforward and simple. Every single time he interrupts you say with a non emotional and slightly bored voice, 'You've interrupted me' and don't say any more. If he ignores and carries on talking you just repeat 'You've interrupted me'
It tends to get the message across without being confrontational as you are stating a fact only

Gahbahboo · 10/07/2018 19:08

My DH does this all the time, in front of the DC, in front of friends and family. He always has done. I loathe it. No solutions here, I haven't found anything that helps.

Feelingthepain · 10/07/2018 19:35

I feel your pain.
It's fucking annoying and rude. My partner does it.
They think their input is greater than yours

Original poster
itbemay · 10/07/2018 20:04

Glad mine isn’t the only one! It is bloody annoying, I’m going to try all of the above suggestions as appropriate! Than you all

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NorthernSpirit · 10/07/2018 20:20

Not only is his behaviour rude, it’s a power thing, he’s saying my opinions / views are more important than yours. Sad his parents didn’t nip it in the bud when he was a child.

Here are some coping strategies (at the bottom of the article):

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-business/11479811/Work-advice-How-to-stop-anyone-interrupting-you-in-meetings.html

Joysmum · 10/07/2018 20:25

Is it only you he interrupts? Does he do it to friends and colleagues?

Original poster
itbemay · 10/07/2018 20:33

@northernspirit that’s a good article, I’m going to print that off - thank you taking the time to link that

@joysmum he does it mainly to me and sometimes to family and friends too but more to me and dcs

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MachineBee · 11/07/2018 17:56

Then it’s a power thing. Perhaps he’s beginning to sense a loss of power at work and is trying to reclaim it at home over you.

Needs to be nipped in the bud now.

Great tips in Northern’s Telegrapg article.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 11/07/2018 17:58

Buy him a parrot!!

Original poster
itbemay · 11/07/2018 18:18

In the past few years my career has excelled and I’m now earning equal amount to him, he hates his job, is self employed and i have noticed a bit of a power struggle, outwardly he’s pleasedfor me and can be supportive but there have been odd occasions when he has tried to ‘overule’ me in some small aspects of the house, dcs etc... so @machinebee you may well be right. This is opening a real can of worms for me, the more I think about things the more I dislike quite a few things about his behaviour Shock

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Original poster
itbemay · 11/07/2018 18:19

@northernspirit I have printed that article off and left it casually on the side, he will see it!

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BobbyBanana · 11/07/2018 18:22

My DP asks me a question and then leaves the room before I've had time to answer in more than one word.

So if I wanted to discuss anything then I don't have a time slot for doing so, because he has demonstrated his short attention span with my input.

Rude, fucking rude.

Original poster
itbemay · 11/07/2018 18:23

@bobbybanana isn’t it! I feel for you

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