Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband talking...

42 replies

itbemay · 10/07/2018 16:46

I love my OH, in every other aspect of day to day life he is great, but he constantly talks over me. It is so bloody annoying, and it's not just at home he does it in company not only to me but to others and it is really getting to me - to the point where I don't talk so he can't talk over me. I have spoken to him about it on several occasions, in a joking way and also sat down in a serious way but he doesn't seem to change, sometimes if he does it and I stop talking he realises and says 'oh carry on then' but not often. I am really at the point where I just can't be bothered to make conversation so now all he does is talk at me, a lot, about his day, this dc's etc and I just nod and listen. Anyone else had any experience or can offer any advice? Thx in advance

OP posts:
Mousetolioness · 11/07/2018 18:29

No chance his hearing is reduced is there? And he talks to compensate? I'm sure my Aunt did this when her hearing started going!

SomeKnobend · 11/07/2018 18:30

Get an air horn. Have it with you at all times and use it every time.

Knittedfairies · 11/07/2018 18:32

I’ve had some success with ‘Can I just stop you there?’ then.... nothing. People expect you to have something to add to what they were talking about, it wrong-foots them when you don’t.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 11/07/2018 18:33

My husband used to do this to a lesser extent. It only really started to bother me when the children started doing it too.
To begin with, I spoke up about it every time it happened. That helped for a while, but then it would start again and eventually I just really lost my temper, on a day where all of them seemed to want to talk at once and nobody would listen to me.
I'm not saying that having an epic tantrum is the way to go, but it certainly got their attention. I don't remember most of what I said but I do remember saying "Does a bloody fairy die every time I'm allowed to finish a sentence?" Nobody does it any more, except for the occasional lapse, which is easily stopped by use of the Death Stare.

Gabilan · 11/07/2018 20:12

I did sit and think why am i letting this bother me so much now and not previously but there isn't anything that I can really put my finger on.

I'm more concerned about why it didn't bother you previously. It's no mystery as to why it's bothering you now.

He's silenced you. He's taken your voice away. This www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/10-words-every-girl-should-learn_b_5544203.html?guccounter=1 is interesting on how to cut down on interruptions.

findthegap · 11/07/2018 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5LeafClover · 11/07/2018 21:20

From experience, the interrupting is not the worst issue here...it's the 'oh carry on then' which is massively disrespectful...a bit like the difference between someone standing on your toe and saying well move your foot then rather than sorry. I have tried the trying to explain route and it didn't work. Maybe try finishing the conversation immediately by saying your intertuping me again let's try again later and then moving away. Don't be nagged into resuming either. Stop wait then offer to restart.
If he's 'just' thoughtless that might stop it because it's stopped working for him. If on the other hand it's a symptom of him putting his needs before yours and he's not that bothered about changing, you might need to do some bigger thinking. Good luck.

Sassandfaff1 · 11/07/2018 21:41

"I'm sorry, was the middle of my sentence interrupting the start of yours"

(Read somewhere on here...i think)

wagil · 11/07/2018 21:56

DH does this, he also tells me that he knows what I'm going to say and says it for me. He never finds out what I was actually going to say because I stop talking immediately when he interrupts.

He has no idea how much stuff he doesn't get to know because he would rather talk than listen. His loss.

Original poster
itbemay · 11/07/2018 22:01

@gabilan and @5leafclover you’ve both raised interesting thoughts because more lately I have become rather quieter in the sense that I’ve almost given up, whereas before I would argue my corner a bit

Thank you all foryour replies they do help x

OP posts:
Vampyress · 11/07/2018 22:10

I am terrible for interrupting and talking over people. It tends to happen when I am excited and in some ways because my mind can be somewhat erratic if that makes sense? It is rude and it isn't considerate at all but sometimes when people speak I will have a brain wave and can't contain it. My husband hates it however when he points it out I do apologise and shut up, it does break his own concentration and thus agitate him. I think it can be a bad habit and it does tend to be worse around people I am familiar with so perhaps your husband is the same. It's not always the result of a malicious power play.

SandyY2K · 11/07/2018 22:33

Tell him it's becoming too much now and every time he does it, you'll get up and walk away...so he realised how much he's doing it.

OverTheHedgeHammy · 12/07/2018 07:55

I'm the one that interrupts my DH, but in my defence it's because he will just not stop talking. The only way to have input is to interrupt him, or jump in when he pauses for breath.

He gets really pissed off with me and I point out that whilst he is clearly enjoying his monologue I would actually prefer a conversation where I got to have my say too!

I don't know the solution. If I don't interrupt, I NEVER get to speak because he will just keep going. His stories are so bloody long winded with lots of excruciating and needless detail that I've forgotten the point of it before he's even halfway though it.

Thebluedog · 12/07/2018 09:04

listen or you tongue will make you deaf I always thought was a really good saying. My ex would turn every car conversation around to himself. I could be telling him about the price of fish and he’d somehow respond with ‘when I* Hmm I thought it was just annoying at first but then realised that he had absolutely no interest in me, or anyone else tbh, he was one of the most selfish people I’d ever met

Joysmum · 12/07/2018 09:30

Personally I would talk to him and explain how belittling and disrespectful it is when he interrupts and talks over you. I’d tell him that from now on you need him to give you an equal platform to be able to talk and for him to listen to you as much as you listen to him. You can also say that bad manners should be met with an apology and that you’ll no longer accept interruptions. Then every time he does it you can pull him up on it, along with the lack of apology before walking out.

If he’s been holding court all night you can him what he remembers of what you’ve said all night and the reel off the list of things he’s said to highlight the disparity.

If this doesn’t work over the course of a few weeks then you either accept it or split.

5LeafClover · 12/07/2018 09:40

@thebluedog that is so similar to my experience that it made me want to laugh out loud. Or cry.

That's a great saying btw. Will remember that.

Original poster
itbemay · 12/07/2018 10:02

@overthehedgehammy this is another issue, he loves the sound of his own voice and really does not stop talking! even my dcs roll their eyes when he starts

We are on holiday together next week and I am really not looking forward to the talking side of things! I have downloaded loads of books but I am also going to take all the above advice and really try over this coming weekend to tell him how i feel, @joysmum i'm going to start with this.

Thank you again! i am fairly new to MN and it is so good to get the opinion of others :-)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page