Dealing with Flirty Woman

[iforgotwhatiwasgoingtosay]

Been with my boyfriend 3 years we are VERY HAPPY, however we both do have our own lives, he is down the pub quite often with his mates - whatever floats your boat is the way I see it. I've had a stressful few weeks and I suffer from IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder) which I have been managing to keep quite well under control, until sunday morning. Boyfriends phone keeps ringing and I see its his mate and then as I close the call I see a message from the night before from a barmaid at our local saying something along the lines of were looking for some guys to come party with me and my hot mate xxxxxxxx. Now bf is great I see in sent box he replied 'no thanks mate' But I am struggling with holding in my anger with going down there to speak with her, its been 3 days now - anger plan usually involves me keeping my cool and I usually realise that what I have been angry about is unnecessary however 3 days later I feel like I am totally justified and I really want to confront her! She has seen me in the pub with him so she knows who I am, Do I confront her? What would you do?

I wouldn't. You have a great boyfriend who has told her no. Unfortunately you cant control other people and stop her from talking to him and you run the risk of looking like the jealous girlfriend. I would just leave it and be happy that your boyfriend turned her down.

I would realise my boyfriend of 3 years has already handled it and leave it at that.
No need to go wading in looking like the 'crazy' girlfriend.
Smile sweetly and move on.

Isn't it enough for you that he rejected her?

The thing about it all is, it doesn't matter how other people behave towards him, it's how he responds.

He sounds like a decent bloke and that's all you need to know.

I realise women flirting with him might irritate you but if you are as sure as you can be that he will remain faithful and not flirt back, you have nothing to worry about.

I’d do it differently. Engineer an opportunity to be there with him in front of her. Go looking gorgeous. All over him and make eye contact with her whilst you are hugging him and give her “the look” that says if you go there again I will stab you bitch. Should do the job. You also go order the drinks and on the surface big smiles...as she hands you her change, subtly but firmly pin her hand to the bar. Just for a moment whilst doing a Godfather look straight in her face. If she says “what are you doing” you say “just a reminder mate. That’s nothing compared to what I am capable of when needs be”

I like the way he rejected her! Calling her 'mate' crystalised the fact he is not willing to engage in flirting. I definitely would not confront her. I agree with other posters - smile and ignore her. You have a great relationship - don't do anything to jeopardise that!

What do you hope to achieve by confronting her?

It is completely enough on his part he is an angel. Thanks for the advice though as I needed someone to say it how it is, I'm really not the crazy girlfriend type I rarely wind myself up over these things, this one really got my goat though!

You wouldn't achieve anything. Your bf will know you read the text on his phone. He'll also know you know he's brushed her off. Barmaid will think you're crackers and no doubt inform your bf/all his mates in the pub of this. She's tried it on, he's said no, end of story.

She's not even on your radar! Don't give her the satisfaction. Bet she feels a bit of a mug now.

@cawfee I like your style, not sure I would be able to keep myself as composed if I was actually in that situation though lol!

I feel like now I have got it off my chest I feel a lot better with all of your advice, I'm not gonna say anything, am gonna go with him to watch the football there tomorrow though! Will be a struggle to not laugh in her face, but not going to give her the satisfaction of letting her know it has affected me

You know you shouldn't confront her. I think you've done well to not do it actually, but the fact that you're still stewing about it means you probably need to deal with it somehow, can you go through some of your usual steps? Or think of the bad things that would happen if you went in all guns blazing, or letting the anger out in a healthier way like boxfit or something?

How has she got his phone number?

I agree with everyone else though, he's already rejected her, job done, case closed, forget about it. Tbf she only asked him out, she didn't ask him for a shag, and he was out without you at the time obviously chatting to her, so maybe she thought it'd be fine to ask him out as platonic company. Maybe.

Oh just seen your update, good for you, you're right if you react to her she wins so it's best to be polite like you should be when someone is serving you drinks but don't let her get to you.

" I'm looking for some guys to join me and my hot mate for a party" is a pretty intense platonic invite

Smirk at her regularly like you and your BF are sharing a joke about her. Don’t forget to point at her (preferably with a female friend) and laugh. Just make her know you know without even saying anything.

I’d also be tempted to go and very politely order a drink and before she served it say “oh hang on. Can you save that for me. I’ll be back in 15 minutes. I’m just going to go fuck my BF in the bathroom. We like to fuck when the footballs on. Actually we fuck all day every day but any excuse eh”

Personally I think that would make you look a bit desperate and unhinged. Much more dignified to give the impression you don't even know who she is. We're all different I guess!

I wouldn't do or say a thing just be glad that I have such a great boyfriend. Enjoy the football and don't give her another thought.

She's embarrassed herself propositioning some bloke and getting the red card. By all means head down with him and demonstrate your girlfriend status. But I'd leave it at that for now.

The more I think about it the more I actually feel embarrassed and sorry for her, every time I see her shes all over the place, she clearly takes drugs and has a drink problem, she has a pretty shitty life, so not going to let her get in the way anymore, people like that thrive off being centre of attention. She will get her comeuppance one day, not going to risk my relationship or happiness over someone like her, I have to be the bigger person. I will go in there looking top notch glam tomorrow and she will realise we are completely out of her league

Nah I'd leave it. Nice to hear a positive this time with your bf sending her on her bike!

If you follow some of the advice on here you will look like a crazy l

I have absolutely no question about my bfs loyalty, he really is one in a million! So lucky to have such a wonderful person in my life! When I read his response to the message i was like YESSSSS THATS MA MANNN!