There is a man I know on the periphery of my social circle who I see out and about occasionally. I am single. He is married. There is an attraction that is fairly clear to both of us.
About a year or two ago he asked if I wanted to go for a coffee. I said absolutely not, that it was not appropriate for us to be alone together, and that I was not interested in having anything to do with a man who was married.
Fast forward to the last couple of months and I have seen him around a couple of times in a group social setting. I have been polite, friendly, but with clear boundaries. I feel he is still attracted to me (he is bad at hiding it) but as far as I'm concerned the line has been drawn and everyone knows where they stand.
The last time I saw him though, he came to hug me goodbye. There were lots of other people around (whom he was also hugging goodbye) so I politely returned the hug and went to turn back to the group of friends I had been talking with, who were about a metre away.
He took my hand though, and said it was rare for him to feel this kind of connection with someone. I was very surprised as I believed I had made myself clear a long time ago and all had been put to bed. In fact I was so surprised I just kind of changed the subject and didn't even acknowledge what he'd said. I should have been more assertive and told him to go away but I was knocked off balance.
Then he hugged me again, but this time as I went to step away he kept one arm around my waist so I couldn't do so fully. Then he just touched me with his other hand, brushing over my stomach from the top of my pubic bone to just under my breasts. I was so stunned, I froze, and then just turned away and began talking to my friends as though nothing had happened. It wasn't until I got home that what had happened fully hit me. I didn't want him to do that: I wasn't expecting it, I didn't ask for it, and I didn't consent to it.
It's a week later though and my head is a mess. I realise this sort of thing happens to women all the time and in the great scheme of things it was not that serious - he didn't hurt me. But I feel so confused. Did he think I wanted him to do that, and if so, why? I thought I'd made myself clear. Is this just something he does? Am I giving out the wrong signals? I am attracted to him which makes it all feel so confusing. But just because I feel attraction doesn't mean I want anything to happen (I don't.)
I messaged him and said this was never to happen again; that I had already told him I did not want to pursue anything with anyone who was married and I still don't, so not to confess his feelings to me and never touch me again. He has apologised profusely. I still feel confused and weirdly guilty though. And shocked. I just can't understand why he would do this. He claims to like and respect me.
