Caught DH cheating - on our anniversary

[KittyLane1]

I'm devastated.

Usual story, he hadn't logged out of a share device. Found messages to another girl, a very minor celeb (think trashy reality tv) he had found her personal FB through a mutual friend and appears to have been messaging her, telling her exactly what he wants to do to her (oh dream on!) She seems to have responded in a similar although less graphic way. He honestly seems to think he has a chance with her, she is all leggy blonde and dates city boys and other minor "stars" he is bland Bob from IT department.
Here is the thing, he has told her he is single, well separated, it's our wedding anniversary FFS.

Is this cheating ? I think it is but is it worth ending a marriage and long relationship over?

I am.not going to contact her, she is nothing to me. Going by her social media she was on a train at the time they were messaging so she was probably just bored and looking for something to do.

Its really not about her anyway to me it's the fact that he lied and said he was single in the hopes of sexting or even shagging another woman.

I got really fed up and upset and sent of a series of texts just begging to know why (I know, I know) and honestly the response was staggering. Basically he doesn't find me attractive anymore, we are more like sibling, I have gained weight and don't look how I used to look, I am lazy around the house etc.

I know this is all the usual crap but honestly to hear it coming from him has broken my heart, I had no idea he felt that way, no idea.

You've given birth to his young DD and he says you're lazy round the house and have put on weight?! What a deluded cheating scumbag he is. So sorry you're going through this.

Oh Kitty that's awful to hear. So he's not only (playing at) cheating but actively insulting you and making you feel like shit too? What a shitty bastard.

I think it's time to tell him not to bother coming home tonight. Get your mate around with a bottle of wine and have some RL support. I feel awful for you.

He is lashing out at you because he knows what he is done is despicable therefore he's trying to make you feel like crap in order to bring you down with him.
The silent treatment is like a sulking teenager because he doesn't know what to do or say and knows he is busted.
You are worth a lot more, ask him to leave and forward the info to his mother so she knows full well when he goes crying wolf to her the reason behind it

Oh, so it's your fault that he's an attention seeking idiot who thinks women are some kind of property!

To use a common phrase 'well he would say that, wouldn't he?' It can't possibly be his fault - so whose fault must it be...

He sounds more and more of a dick the more you say, OP.

What @twiglet said. Do not let him pin his behaviour on you. Sorry you are going through this.

Take some time out and give yourself time to think and decide if there is a way forward. Definately involving a couple of friends and some wine.

he's just trying to excuse his poor behaviour OP. This is NOT your fault. If he felt like that then he should have enough respect for you and your relationship to sit down and talk about it not message other women.

Give yourself some space and be kind to yourself and think about where you want to go from here.

What an entitled deluded shit! So sorry OP. Just wanted to echo others, none of this is your fault.

Echoing others. What he said about you is to make YOU feel shit and that his disgusting behaviour is YOUR fault. What a scumbag. Definitely let his DM know what's going on.

Tell his mum and tell him to FUCK OFF

So in the time between admitting it was wrong and getting home, he's decided it's your fault he's a shit? Classic.

Show him the door OP, he is not sorry and obviously now thinks his behaviour is justified.

Ahhh.. projecting all of his guilt onto you to make himself feel justified in what he's done.
It's not OK.
Let's how much his body would change if he carried and grew a new lift in his belly. Fucking cock!!!
But at least you know exactly where you stand right now!
Kick him to the curb.
Send his mum the screen shots.
Get some friends and family around you.
Look after yourself.
Keep busy.
He's a cunt and he's shown his true colours.
What an asshole!

Wow - I was so angry my message makes no sense at all.

That's - Let's see how much his body would change if he had to grow a new LIFE in his belly - DOH!!!

Good lord. Not only stupid and over seen in himself and his sexual possibilities, but also cruel and thoughtless

Of course he is entitled to feel those things about you, even to (very very gently) talk to you about how he feels about you -- but like this ? At this time? To justify his own ludicrous pathetic ness?

Jesus. I know you're desperately sad - but I do believe that in time, @KittyLane1 , you will realise what a hugely lucky escape you have been offered by the universe

not the type of guy to send graphic dirty texts to girls about bending them over in their bikinis and licking their aholes!
I really couldn't be with him after that if it eas my DH.... absolutely disgusting for a MM...who is portraying himself as single.

Totally unacceptable.

My staying would be to sort out finances and other things...I'd keep the evidence as leverage for a quick smooth divorce. I can't be with a man I've no respect for.

This woman isn't your problem and hasn't done anything wrong...he told her he was single.

Honestly, that is probably not what he was feeling, its just retrospective excuses designed to make him look less bad. It doesn’t work. Take some space, withdraw from contact for a while and work out gradually what you want. Glad you told your friend.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I would send the screenshots to his mother and tell her she should be expecting a call from her 'D'S tonight wanting to sleep in her spare room.

Dear kitty It is extremely tough...now please remember:
1- none of us here in MN are going to be in RL for you and your DD. Certainly none of us will provide her the love of a dad-his presence and financial backing-that does not mean you have to put up with it
2- many betrayers choose the affair partner different from his usual type of women because they have the safety of their marriage that guarantee that they will never fall in her net -and this is just a kind of challenge/game for escapism purposes
3- i personally think that his main wrongdoings are:
a- he told you in an unpleasant way that he does not find you attractive anymore
b- lack of honesty
I would not advise that you hurt him by laughing at his fantasy etc HOWEVER if you want to tebuild ypur marriage (and this is FINE -there are many hiccups in most marriages-and if the LTB posts disturb you remember 1 above). IMHO it might be beneficial if you can talk to him and ask him whether he wants to rebuild your marriage on healthier terms via therapists/honest talks eyc. If he is not willing to do so then liberate both of you of this situation and go on a separation period and rebuild yourself w/o him and see how it goes-he might come back; you might feel better without him; both of you might want to rebuild it all and then start rebuilding it on healthier grounds (therapists or honest long talks) ; never play the pick me up dance...it is extremely tough but traumas can be excellent opportunities to rethink marriage...many have multiple marriages...some with different men and some with the same men... Good Luck...It pains me to see that our club of betrayed and hurt people keep growing....