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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Divorce and fees

41 replies

Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 18:53

Hi I’m just looking for advice on getting help with paying divorce fees. I’m wanting to divorce my husband on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour as he has a really bad temper which I just can’t live with anymore. I only work part time and pay all the bills so can’t afford the fees and husband won’t. I did see that you can get help but just wondered if I would qualify as I’m married? Would I apply for the divorce before applying for help with fees?

OP posts:
Pixikitten0123 · 09/07/2018 21:07

Unless you’re a victim of domestic violence then there’s no help. I’ve paid upfront and a good solicitor will tick the box for a financial order for you and your children and ask for a direction of costs, mine has agreed to pay half, he initially thought it was half the cost of the divorce petition but my solicitor went for that and half of his fees and his solicitor advised him to agree! I’m pleased with that outcome as I don’t see why I should fully foot the bill when he was unable to be faithful. He did get very awkward about the reasons stated - I sued for unreasonable behaviour - and asked for 4 of them removing and one of his suggestion substituted instead, my solicitor refused on my behalf and then called me to check his decision was right. I’ve payed out the initial cost so there was absolutely no way he was getting MY reasons for divorcing him changed. He then refused to sign but when my solicitor threatened his with court bailiff serving him and adding another £350 to his costs as I would claim it back and it also would show that he is unreasonable to the judge, his solicitor duly filled in his part and returned it to court.
Get yourself a good solicitor 😀

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 21:41

Oh no I definitely can’t afford a solicitor and reallly wanted to do the whole thing as amicable as possible as I have a young daughter. I read this on the government website which came up when I typed in getting help with divorce fees.
“You might be able to get money off your court or tribunal fees if you have little or no savings, are on certain benefits or have a low income.”
Does this not really happen then? ☹️

OP posts:
hatty44 · 09/07/2018 21:45

@sarah yes it does happen. On the government website there is a cost calculator which gives you an indication of whether you are likely to get help or not. I applied and then had to send in bank statements and pay slips

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 21:52

Hi hatty, may I just ask you a few questions. Do they take your divorcing husbands money into account if have joint accounts (which I’ve never been able to touch) as he has more than enough to pay but won’t? my wages go into my bank account! I filled out an online form for the help but not sure if I’m supposed to wait till I hear from it and whether to send off the divorce petition before or after hearing!

OP posts:
category12 · 09/07/2018 22:01

It may be that you will be awarded the court costs at the end. They won't take his wage into account while you're separated.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 22:08

Ok that’s good that they won’t look at his money as I don’t want anything to do with it! I’m sorry I have absolutely no idea what I am doing so may be asking silly questions. The other day I filled out a form online called EX160 and they emailed me the attached email. I don’t know what to do with it or what they are asking me to do. What is the claim form and case number as I dont have one???

Divorce and fees
OP posts:
hatty44 · 09/07/2018 22:21

Have you already sent your divorce petition to the court?
I did my Help With Fees application online, then got sent the HWF reference number. I then wrote that on the divorce application form. If you have already sent your form and have a divorce case number I think they are saying you need to send this HWF number in so they can put the two together.
And no - it is you putting the divorce petition in so it will only be your money and income they look at.

hatty44 · 09/07/2018 22:23

Sorry just reread your post. You haven’t sent form off yet, so write this reference no on it and send it off. They will contact you if they need more info. If you don’t get the help with fees they will contact you asking for money before they process the divorce

Happybutanxious · 09/07/2018 22:23

There are two different costs. Unless there is domestic abuse you won't get legal aid to cover legal costs - solicitor, financial advice etc.

You may be eligible for some fee remission - that is purely for the court fees. The EX160 should also have accompanying guidance notes EX160a perhaps?

Sorry to give an opinion not requested - but a divorce with no financial settlement where you are on a low income with DC - primary carer? - could be a very bad idea.

Amicable in the relationship you describe is also difficult - but perhaps achievable with mediation or good solicitors.

Which leaves you in a tight spot. It may well be that it's worthwhile getting hold of some money anyway possible to pay for legal advice and perhaps representation. Sometimes even worth doing it on overdraft, credit card etc depending on what's at stake long term.

Perhaps start of with a free appointment with a family solicitor - or two - to get a rough idea of what the court would consider fair and then take it from there.

Many solicitors are members of Resolution and committed to a non adversarial approach so it doesn't have to be as awful as you think. Perhaps start with searching out solicitors who are members.

Happybutanxious · 09/07/2018 22:25

Oh and should say I am absolutely not a professional. If you post on the divorce board you might get some family lawyers responding.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 22:31

Ah ok, no I haven’t sent in the divorce petition and that’s what they are referring to as the claim form!! So I just finish of the petition and right my HWF ref on it and they will probably ask for proof of earnings etc! So complicated! Now I just have to figure out how to word the details of why I want the divorce and hope he will agree as he is very upset at the moment! Then we need to agree on how we will continue to parent our 2 year old daughter, 🙁 the dog and house etc etc.....rubbish rubbish times! And I lost my dad 3 months ago!!!!

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Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 22:51

Happybutanxious, I have been told for 10 years that his money is his, he has paid for everything, he’s had to carry me, he even locks his cash away in a safe so I don’t take it..blah blah I just don’t want it. We will have to sort out a plan for child maintenance and he needs to tell me what he wants to do with the house as I paid my half off when we bought it with inheritance and his half is still mortgaged, it’s very small. He has told me already he will not make it easy and I’ve asked him not to go down that route as his anger has made me unwell the last year what with loosing my dad as well and he agrees but for how long. I would hope that he would try and remain as friendly as possible for our daughter but I know all can change.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 09/07/2018 22:53

Whether your husband agrees or not you can automatically get a divorce after a 5 year separation.

madcatladyforever · 09/07/2018 22:54

You don't need a solicitor to do your own petition, my last divorce was completely DIY. I think the petition cost £500 to put through.

Happybutanxious · 09/07/2018 22:58

I can understand wanting out with nothing. Just wanting it to be over. But it might be worth finding out a bit more. It's unpleasant but it could make a huge difference, for example in the home you can provide for your child.
At least get some initial advice. It's not about taking what's his or being unpleasant. It's simply about finding out what is considered fair.

The simple legal reality is that you are married - it is not all his money.

madcatladyforever · 09/07/2018 23:01

For Gods sake dont get out with nothing. if you have nowhere decent to live and no money he could apply for custody of your child. Get your free half hour from the solicitor - more than one if hlf an hour isn't enough.

Happybutanxious · 09/07/2018 23:05

You have a 2 year old child, lower income, joint mortgage, and an angry husband with a "really bad temper". I think you need some advice. I hope you are making safe choices, for example, his reaction to your divorce petition. Even start with citizens advice if approaching a solicitor is daunting.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 23:08

Oh god no I’m not moving, this house was my grandparents and my mums. I work 16 hrs so have worked out I will get working tax credits and with child maintenance will have more than enough to cover everything even if he doesn’t want to continue with the mortgage which is very low, about £300. He just won’t own as much share in the house as me as I’ve paid off a massive chunk! Then one day will hopefully pay him out!!!

OP posts:
eggncress · 09/07/2018 23:09

At lest get yourself a free consultation with a solicitor ( many offer first 30 min free)
It’s all very well being “ amicable” but that could also mean you and your child being left short and struggling while he will be better off.
There is no such thing as “ his money “. It’s marital assets and you are entitled to at least half... possibly more if your child will be living mostly with you.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 09/07/2018 23:11

His reaction to the divorce so far has been crying, it’s bloody horrible! And I agreed that he could still stay in the house until he figures out what to do!

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Happybutanxious · 09/07/2018 23:16

Ok, sorry, I misunderstood.

eggncress · 09/07/2018 23:22

If he doesn’t agree to divorce you can go for separation. You will both have to declare all assets and an agreement will be drawn up as to who pays what. If he has been abusive call Women’s Aid for advice and support and if he continues with any abuse you should apply for an exclusion order.WA can advise on this.
Remember he is not your friend ! You sound scared of angering himSad.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 10/07/2018 09:14

He is not physically abusive but he has a really bad verbal temper which fortunately he can’t remember after, anything can set it off, he doesn’t like his dinner, I move his things etc. I live on egg shells and I just don’t want to carry on like it. I am a rubbish parent as I’m always anxious and just generally a rubbish human at the moment. After loosing my dad and his frequent shouting I started to have panic attacks and he doc tried to put me on anti depressants (which I took 2 of and stopped) mainly because he shamed me. Since my dad died I feel stronger and just want out now, but yes I am afraid that he is going to go absolutely mad at this whole situation.

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Original poster
Sarah2302 · 10/07/2018 09:18

This morning already he has said he is sorry for everything about 3 times, then threatened to tell my mum that I tried anti depressants because he believes my dad didn’t accept his cancer very well, then he said he will never leave the house, then he is sorry again and a bit of shouting In between.

OP posts:
Blobby10 · 10/07/2018 09:39

sarah please re-consider taking the anti-depressants. There is no shame in it!! They will help you see the wood for the trees and may help you get stronger to deal with what lies ahead. Your OH doesn't need to see you taking them.