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Original poster

Sick of petty rows like this...am I in the wrong?

38 replies

Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 15:05

DH took DC1 out swimming this morning. I stayed at home with the baby and attempted to jet wash the patio. Baby unsettled, didn't fancy watching me jet wash so I didn't get lots done.
DH gets back and says that as it's boiling, he'll pop out and take DC1 to see his family. I said, oh great can you take the baby? Then I can get stuff done (finish jet washing, mop the floors, do his ironing).
Cue the baby starts crying and I asked DH to get him as I'm covered in gardening muck.
10 mins later, DH is huffing about getting things ready and tells me I'm being a dick but doesn't want to discuss in front of the kids. I sent DC1 upstairs on an errand and asked him what he meant- he said I was a dick and he just wanted to pop out but now this was an epic mission. I explained what I wanted to do and said to leave the baby if he wanted. He said he could iron his own fucking shirts and stormed out with both of them.

Sorry, this is a boring and ridiculous row but I'm not sure ive done anything wrong but somehow I'm the one left feeling awful and I don't know why. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
Gruffalina72 · 08/07/2018 15:14

Wow. He sounds like a dick. I read that thinking "wtf?" at his reaction.

Does this happen a lot?

Original poster
Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 15:18

I think he's being a dick too but needed another opinion.

These sort of rows used to happen all the time but much less so now. I'm very sensitive and get really upset about them but he's just happy to move on once he's calmed down (and sometimes I've apologised).

He's also always very careful to say I'm being a dick rather than I am a dick... which when we discuss it later, for him, is nowhere near as bad and I shouldn't be upset by it

OP posts:
weehedgehog · 08/07/2018 15:18

sounds like yet another entitled man child. Sorry you have to put up with that shit. He clearly does not expect his life to change when he had children.

SoddingUnicorns · 08/07/2018 15:19

He can’t take his own children out and you’re being a dick? Okay, how do you even begin to reason with someone who is so clearly a twat?

motortroll · 08/07/2018 15:19

Doing anything with 2 kids in tow IS an epic mission. You won't just "pop out" again for a looooong time!

He is being a dick.

I would hold him to ironing his own shirts. I never iron for anyone unless we're going to a wedding and even then I'd never iron for my dh!!

Maybe swap. You pop out visiting with the kids, get a cup of tea made, the kids entertained, enjoy some adult conversation. He can stay home and "get things done". Fair swap if going out is too much of an epic mission for him!

Original poster
Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 15:24

Well this is exactly it. I'm on mat leave so have both DC for a fair chunk of time on my own. And it is hard and sometimes annoying and sometimes boring... but it's just expected that I get on with it... which obviously I do.

I don't see why it's unreasonable that he has them both.

And the ironing thing I know he's just said to rile me- it's probably a personality flaw of mine, but I'd do anything for anyone as long as they were grateful so he knows that throwing it back in my face is going to hurt

OP posts:
Shouldershrugger · 08/07/2018 15:26

Wow. He's the dick. Men can be effing insensitive at times. They expect you to do everything and smile. With a baby strapped to you at the same time.

SoddingUnicorns · 08/07/2018 15:26

I don't see why it's unreasonable that he has them both

It’s not.

And if I was you I’d iron everything but his shirts.

letsdolunch321 · 08/07/2018 15:28

I would make myself a drink and chill for an hour having “me time”

Some men don’t get how many “plates” a woman has to spin when kids are young

Original poster
Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 15:32

Grr thinking about them going swimming this morning and how I had to find DH and DCs swimming costumes.. and the towels...and the arm bands... and the swim toys. And now there's a bag of washing left next to the machine for me.

I'm gonna have a shower with all my posh stuff I never use and try and fight the urge to cry that he called me a dick

OP posts:
Gruffalina72 · 08/07/2018 15:37

Why do you think you're sensitive? Because you get upset by his behaviour?

I can tell you without hesitation I would get extremely upset by being repeatedly told I'm being a dick when in actual fact I wasn't being unreasonable at all, and then being told that it was ok for him to have called me a dick because he added the word being in front of it. And I'm a pretty calm person most of the time, not an unduly sensitive one.

Why do you end up apologising to him sometimes? Because he tells you you've been too sensitive or you drove him to lose his temper with you?

I also agree it wasn't remotely unreasonable for him to have both children. You do it every day. Why is he too precious to do for a tiny window of time what you do every day?

Gruffalina72 · 08/07/2018 15:39

So all he actually did was provide a taxi service to the swimming lesson?

You deserve a bit of kindness, so enjoy using the posh stuff.

Teasynurse · 08/07/2018 15:41

He’s being an arse! Enjoy your shower, sit in the sun with a nice cool drink and be ready for a calm conversation when he gets back.
If it makes you feel better, my DP is being an arse today as well.

TwoBlueShoes · 08/07/2018 15:42

He’s the one being a dick.

Looking after the easy kid is a cop out. You need a break from the baby too sometimes.

Original poster
Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 15:45

Thanks guys.
@gruffalina72 that's probably very true... I can be over sensitive but your words made me realise this isn't one of those times.

I've found loads of serums and shit to cover myself in so hopefully that'll help.

On a positive note, The patio is looking lovely!

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 08/07/2018 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 08/07/2018 16:35

Disney Dad alert - I take it he doesn’t ‘get’ how much effort goes into looking after DC because he just literally dumps it on you. Wtf did he not get the swim stuff ready himself or put the wet stuff in the wash?

I also agree it wasn't remotely unreasonable for him to have both children. You do it every day. Why is he too precious to do for a tiny window of time what you do every day?

^^ And totally agree with this. I’d ask him if taking his DC out with him for a couple of hours as a one off is an ‘epic mission’ what exactly would he call what you do all day, everyday?

Original poster
Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 18:15

Oh good, he's home but still not talking to me

OP posts:
Pacificwander · 08/07/2018 18:22

He's the dick if he can't handle having both his kids at same time! Wow imagine asking a dad of two to take his two kids Hmm

And yes of course he can iron his own shit from now on seeing as two kids is too hard a task for him to manage

And by his logic he's being a dick all week leaving you with two kids daily making every day of yours an 'epic mission '

timeisnotaline · 08/07/2018 18:30

I hope you’ve left the washing - he can iron his own fucking shirts and he can also do the fucking washing , he took dc1 swimming.
Personally I don’t even consider my dh as having bathed the dc unless he’s also folded or put in the wash their clothes, hung up the towel and emptied the bath. Else it’s just that man thing of helping without doing any of the basic boring stuff and real parents don’t do that.

I’m not sure you’re sensitive. I think you might just be married to a dick. (i mean a man who IS a dick not one who is being a dick in case you distinguish)

HollyGibney · 08/07/2018 18:33

I feel depressed and low just reading that. I'm sorry OP, you're married to a big sulky toddler. I don't really know what else to say.

bastardkitty · 08/07/2018 19:02

As everyone has said, he's a dickhead. Don't let him being a dickhead be your problem.

Original poster
Lulu2515 · 08/07/2018 19:12

Urgh it's an annoying cycle.
He used to be like this all the time when we had DC1.

I really can't be arsed with it all but I'm also terrible at leaving it... I hate going to sleep on a row. I'm attempting giving him the silent treatment back. This is so childish.

I've done the washing but no bloody ironing.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 08/07/2018 19:13

Try to just zone out from him and his bad vibe. Imagine he smells. Keep away from him. Don't let him affect you.

bastardkitty · 08/07/2018 19:14

And FFS do not touch his shirts!

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