My Manchild...

[Elfgyrl16]

So I've been with him for 5 years total (4years dating and 1 year married) we are pregnant with are first child and I honestly have never been so stressed in my life. He has always been a "manchild" but I guess I thought he would grow up a little bit when he started getting so much responsibility...

By manchild I mean I do EVERYTHING! I cook, clean and work (in the military) and he has a part time job (which he just got suspended from for three weeks for not showing up to his shift) normally he wakes up around 3pm and plays video games until 4-5am and repeats that cycle. Anytime I ask him to do anything he either throws a fit about doing it or he said she will get to it but it will never get done! For instance two nights ago I was at work almost done with my shift and I call him and ask if he could clean the kitchen real quick so I could cook when I get home (it honestly wasn't even that big of a mess) I get home and it wasn't done and he is just sitting on the couch playing PS4. I say "you didn't clean the kitchen! (With a attitude) and he looks up and says "oh, I forgot" and goes right back to his game. So I just roll my eyes and start cleaning without saying anything else. He has a couple dishes right in front of him so I go over to grab them real quick and he goes "it's not the time to do that babe! You're in the way!" I look at him in disbelief and say "fine" I stop what I'm doing and go up stairs without a word and about 5 minutes later he comes up and says "I'm sorry, I was in a game. You going to make dinner?" Again look at him in disbelief and say no, no I'm not if you want food then you make it. I'm done with you treating me like that" almost as soon as I get the words out of my mouth he starts throwing a attitude say "you always pull this shit, you don't respect me.. ect" and that starts a huge fight which ends with him crying (as per usual) saying "I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

I can't keep doing this shit but I love him and I still feel like there is some way to get past this and him to grow up. Am I crazy? Or does anyone know how to correct that kind of behavior?

After 5 years, I really don't think you can correct this behaviour. Has he always been like this? I think he's the taking the mick, because he knows he can. You deserve better.

Equally share the cooking seeing as you both work.

Good god woman, you married this waster only a year ago? You thought he'd change just cos he ate some cake?

He needs a massive military boot up the hole.

Correct his behaviour?

What like teaching him not to bark at the postman, or stoop begging at the table?

He’s not a dog, you can’t correct his behaviour- you can only change yours.

Sorry OP but you can't correct this; he has to be motiviated enough in himself to change. He's had it made for the last few years, I wouldn't hold my breath

Sorry posted too early- change how you react to his shite.

You deserve a partner not a horrible little boy chucking a tantrum.

How can you honestly fancy someone who throws his toys out of the pram when you ask him to simple help you in your home together.
You are pregnant and deserve to be looked after. It will only get worse once your baby arrives.
You need to seriously consider your options, can you sit down and have a serious chat and tell him what you would expect as an equal partner and father to your child.
Sorry you are dealing with this, the last thing you need when you have a full time job and being preggers.
Has he always been this bad?

I never understand women's attraction to manchildren.

Fraid I'm with the others. You've essentially condoned/rewarded the behaviour for the last five years so to him it's always been acceptable. This makes you the unreasonable on in his eyes.

It's going to take some clear boundaries and a whole lot of tough love to change this before the baby comes along - I can imagine you're going to get way more frustrated when that happens and he's still doing sweet FA to help out

He hasn't always been this bad, when we first meet we both were a few weeks from graduating high school and I guess he could be considered my "first real love". We moved in together after a year of dating and it was good. We both work at the same place making the same wage but since I join the military I feel like it's gotten way worse. Honestly every time something happen I told myself he will grow up and get better and he has in someways but in some he has gotten worse.

As you're married, I'd also take steps to making yourself financially independent so that he can't spend your hard earned money on boy toys whilst you provide for your baby and roof over your heads

I'm sorry, but he sounds like he is wayyyy down the end of the lazy spectrum. It's less hassle to cry at the end of an argument now and again than to get off his arse and do anything. Honestly most teenagers are genuinely more useful than him (and they have a somewhat legitimate excuse, he doesn't).
Sometimes when you weigh things up, the person with lower standards (or the person who is arguably more lazy, etc) is still making a positive contribution. It would be harder without them.

In this case, it sounds like he is actively making work for you. Despite having more free time, and not currently being pregnant! You will unfortunately have even more work when the baby comes. On the plus side he stays up all night playing games, presumably he will be up all night for the baby no problem? No...he will conveniently start going to bed earlier and become a deep sleeper! Or he will stay up and just outright ignore a crying baby because his game's too important.

The fact that he has got worse suggests that he isn't just lazy, but has very little respect for you. You're doing stuff for him, and for whatever reason he's decided that, yes, that's your job!

I would immediately stop tidying up after him as a bare minimum. And don't go out of your way to cook for him. He isn't going to start cooking for you, but he can have your leftovers or he can learn to cook for himself. You'll find out pretty quickly how much he is willing to do, and how entitled he feels...

What possessed you to think about ttc with this selfish waste of space?

It's easy for others to say get rid but it's not their life its yours.
I think it is possible to change but first you both need to sit down and have an adult conversation in a calm way actually make time for it. You need to explain that you're not his mother your his partner. By the sounds of it he's gone from living with his mum to living with you and as such he's never really had to stand on his own 2 feet there has always been someone doing it for him.
Sit him down and explain you feel like his mother and with a baby on the way you need him to step up to the plate be a husband and a dad. That means cooking the occasional meal, not spending all the time on his console and helping out around the house. Explain how his behaviour around his work and home is adding stress which isn't good for you or the baby.
He also probably doesn't realise fully what pressure it's putting on you as if it only comes up in arguments and you silently huff about it without the adult convo then he probably hasn't a clue how much pressure it's actually putting on your relationship.
The other thing I would suggest is getting a book out of the library for him called commando dad by Chris Ryan or buy it. It's written in blokey language and is very clear about supporting the mum to be and how!
My DH got it out as he wanted to understand what was going on and ways to help me with symptoms/bits he could help with.
I think if he reads it it'll make a difference as it explains in a clear way the support that you need.
Good luck

"we are pregnant" - you mean "I am pregnant".
What on earth possessed you to marry this knobhead and have a baby with him?

You need to stop doing all the work, the longer you do it the longer he'll just let you do it without doing anything to help.
If he starts crying don't react to it just keep saying you're a grown adult this behaviour is not acceptable.

When the baby comes this will feel a hell of a lot worse than it does now.

He sounds absolutely pathetic. Seriously, what is there to love?

He has always been a "manchild" but I guess I thought he would grow up a little bit when he started getting so much responsibility...

People of the world, please stop thinking this! If he "has always been" then he always will be. He won't change when you get married, he won't change when you have kids. He. Won't. Change.

Sorry for your situation OP. You can try putting your foot down hard but I think this is a "this is your marriage, take it or leave it" moment.

How many weeks pregnant are you? If it’s early days I would consider your options.

It was a mistake to marry him and ttc. Why would you assume he’d change?

Suggest divorcing the waste of space asap.

Better to be a single parent than with a partner like him.

Also, “we” are not pregnant: you are.

I think it's better to get divorced sooner rather than later in cases like this.

I HAD a manchild. it never worked out. I resented having to treat him like a child, washing, cooking, cleaning, dealing with the dc and his one from before! whilst he slobs on sofa being waited on. nah sorry.

when you have your baby you will have 2 kids to look after, the only difference is the baby will grow up.

He sounds utterly useless. Strongly suggest ltb.

I'm wondering what your upbringing was like, to make you think this is all you deserve.

In any case, you have a baby to think about now. Time to lose the dead weight.