My Manchild...

[Elfgyrl16]

So I've been with him for 5 years total (4years dating and 1 year married) we are pregnant with are first child and I honestly have never been so stressed in my life. He has always been a "manchild" but I guess I thought he would grow up a little bit when he started getting so much responsibility...

By manchild I mean I do EVERYTHING! I cook, clean and work (in the military) and he has a part time job (which he just got suspended from for three weeks for not showing up to his shift) normally he wakes up around 3pm and plays video games until 4-5am and repeats that cycle. Anytime I ask him to do anything he either throws a fit about doing it or he said she will get to it but it will never get done! For instance two nights ago I was at work almost done with my shift and I call him and ask if he could clean the kitchen real quick so I could cook when I get home (it honestly wasn't even that big of a mess) I get home and it wasn't done and he is just sitting on the couch playing PS4. I say "you didn't clean the kitchen! (With a attitude) and he looks up and says "oh, I forgot" and goes right back to his game. So I just roll my eyes and start cleaning without saying anything else. He has a couple dishes right in front of him so I go over to grab them real quick and he goes "it's not the time to do that babe! You're in the way!" I look at him in disbelief and say "fine" I stop what I'm doing and go up stairs without a word and about 5 minutes later he comes up and says "I'm sorry, I was in a game. You going to make dinner?" Again look at him in disbelief and say no, no I'm not if you want food then you make it. I'm done with you treating me like that" almost as soon as I get the words out of my mouth he starts throwing a attitude say "you always pull this shit, you don't respect me.. ect" and that starts a huge fight which ends with him crying (as per usual) saying "I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

I can't keep doing this shit but I love him and I still feel like there is some way to get past this and him to grow up. Am I crazy? Or does anyone know how to correct that kind of behavior?

Why should he tidy the kitchen when you will? First off - stop cooking and cleaning. Just get yourself something to eat or say that you've already eaten and don't offer to cook.

Men are brought up waited on by their mothers so it's no big deal for the wife to continue with this. Just stop.

Why do people in threads where someone is massively taking the piss, true to form, always ‘stunned into silence/just stared in shock’? This is who he is. Having a kid is one of the worst things you can do to a relationship, it places huge strain and burden on a couple, yet so many people seem to think having a kid will magically change someone who is fundamentally terrible in every way? Why?!

If you’re looking for tips on how to get your husband to contribute equally to the house, not treat you with utter contempt, have some basic decency, you’re not going to have much luck, this is what you chose, this was acceptable to you, so much so that you shackled yourself legally to it, and had unprotected sex.

I have a martyr mother, blusters about, watery eyed, ‘does everything’, says things like ‘MEN!’ while rolling her eyes. Yet she has actively chosen that lifestyle for 4 decades.

I don’t know how to get your shitty husband to stop thinking of you as a domestic servant, it’s his core values and beliefs, it’s who he is. He might humour you by half assed rinsing a cup a few times a year, but this will be your life and what you’re teaching your kid, if you choose that life.

Good luck with this when baby comes. I hate to say it but you will be very tired and even more stressed. I had a man child and when baby came along he wouldn't help I'd have to really prompt and it felt like begging at some points to even help a little. After 5 years though if he hasn't changed now then will he? You need to have a serious chat and tell him how it is

What RachelTeeth just said.
You need to give him a big shock, then press reset on you relationship, otherwise you will be carrying this man child for the rest of your life.

I would do yourself a massive favour and get rid of him before the baby arrives.

You cannot change him. This is who he is.

I agree with him to some degree. I wouldn't respect him either. How could anyone? Respect is not a right. You have to earn it.

The only thing I can think of is actually stopping doing everything you do and see how far it can go before he decides to do something himself but a) it's likely you'll find he just doesn't and b) you don't want to live in that environment.

To be fair, he sounds a little like me when I was depressed. I was off work, literally just sat staring at the TV. Only difference is I would cook and still look after our cats. My husband worked full time, worked on the house we'd just bought when he got home and did all the housework. Seeing how much he did in comparison would make me feel guilty and then make me feel even worse. If he raised it with me, I got upset.

Me and my husband have been together a similar length of time and I'm pregnant too. We both work full time but I have a long commute. He cooks on the nights he's in a lot before me, I cook the other nights and weekends. He's anally tidy whereas I'm more laid back so he's more likely to tidy up than I am because he sees mess when I don't think it's messy and it can wait until weekend to be sorted.

I'll clean toilets, round sinks etc and shower during the week, kitchen worktops etc and general cleaning and it's far more likely I'll do a big job like cleaning the oven out but every Friday he finishes early and gets in 3/4 hours before me, and cleans the house top to bottom ready for weekend.

I do all life admin like bills, birthday presents, arranging stuff along with usually doing the big shops on my own.

We both contribute fairly evenly to my mind, he does more cleaning, I do more cooking and he just sends a set amount of cash to me each month and everything in terms of the house is sorted by me.

It works for us and I think it's fair. It's not fair that the person who works longer hours also does everything in the house with no help. It will only get harder once you have a baby. I'd be wondering if I'd be better off without him if I were you, a baby might push you to that decision.

Me and my parntner have 3 kids between ages 2 and 9, and have been together 11 and a half years. We are in a good place 85% of the time even though i have established he is 75% emotionally unavailable.
Anyway...tonight we ate donghnuts after tea and we did a don't lick your lips challenge. Everyone had finished and my partner had the doughnut powder and cream around his mouth, he started to mess about to try and kiss me on my lips with all that crap on and i resisted, but he carried on and i had to wrestle my way out and up the stairs with him chasing me, my legs gave in at the top of the stairs and he weighed himself down on me and after me giving a good fight to keep him off, i just gave up and he slathered his lips all over me in a soppy kiss kind of way. I immediatley ran off into the bedroom and started to cry. He then came in a few minutes later and i said to him he took it too far, and that it felt as though a stranger was trying to pin me down and i couldn't breath, and i got upset. His reply was oh fucks sake it was a joke and now you've made it not a joke like you always do and he stormed off. Then a few moments later he turned it around on me and said he can't believe what i have acused him of? A stranger he said and shook his head and is really mad at me.
So i get it was a joke but in my opinion it went too far. Why did i start to cry and felt really emotional when i had got up?
he can't see my side and i don't understand his. He does this everytime and tries to turn it around on me.
We are now not speaking to eachother and its awkward as hell.
What are peoples opinions please? Mucho appreciated

Sorry wrong thread 😥

He's not a manchild he is just a loser, sorry OP.

You've been his enabler for five years, why should he change? If you think having a child will suddenly transform him into a hard working, responsible adult I am very sorry to disappoint you. You married a child despite whatever age he may be and after you give birth, you will have two.

If you love him enough to stay with him then you will have to accept that this is your future. I'm trying to imagine what is likeable, let alone loveable about him and would be telling him to shape up or ship out.

HOW can you have any respect or admiration for this absolute and utter prick?! What does he bring to the table? How does he make your life better? How are you equals?

Give him 3 months to get his shit together and at the end of that if he's still acting like Kevin The Teenager there is only one sad solution - FUCK HIM OFF!

You love him you say? Why? He sounds a prick. Leave him or your going to need all the luck in the world when you have actual children.

I think in situations like this it's not the man you love, it's the man you convince yourself he'll turn into

he'll slot himself in as a piss poor 'stay at home dad' and not do any housework etc. You'll be scared to leave as you aren't the main caretaker and fear he'll get custody

THIS - in spades. This is what you are risking.
Avoid this by getting rid of him NOW.

Well i have said it before but it does amaze me what people endure . Now i am not perfect,who is, but as a man i can actually act autonomously without a woman pushing a broom up my arse. I share cooking of meals, general housework, house maintenance, decorating, diy, gardening,car maintenance etc etc. Essentially if im passing and i see something that needs doing, i do it.

I can see ive been trying way to hard. I need to kick back and relax a bit

He’s showing you who he is
This is it. He’s not going to change
When baby comes you will have two children

Honestly??. You be much better off alone

Oh he's going to be a stay at home dad and you'll be working to,keep him. If you leave him he'll be resident parent and you'll have to pay him op.

But Sarah that isn't taking responsibility

Op are you in the US. I'm also concerned that the longer you stay with him, the more likely you are to lose your hard earned money

Don't go for the sunk costs fallacy

It's been five years. Start divorce proceedings. It will be much easier now than later. Do you actually trust him to be raising a baby? If I thought he could be SAHD that would be different but it doesn't sound like he's trustworthy.

You’ve not got a man child you’ve got a complete freeloader. My children, both below 10, do more around the house than your dh does. They have chores to do each day and would never dream of talking to me like your dh does.

He wakes at 3pm and goes to sleep at 2.30? What on earth do you think will happen when the baby arrives?

I really don’t know what to suggest, you could stop doing his washing, cooking etc but I doubt that would make a difference, he needs to grow up, get a decent job and start acting like a complete pollock

Oh he's going to be a stay at home dad and you'll be working to,keep him. If you leave him he'll be resident parent and you'll have to pay him op.

This with bells on it

Good luck when the baby arrives, you’ll have two children to look after. No he won’t change.

He's not at work for three weeks? He should be cooking dinner every day.

Sit down and work things out. Might it be easier to move forward with just the one child?

Limpopobongo (love the name) you must be exhausted, poor dear. Put your feet up and chill and could you then pop round to my house, there are a few things need doing

This is yet another example of what women will endure to ensure they have a baby. 5 years of putting up with a man with the mental age of an 11 year old. Nothing is going to change in this house. 5 years of servitude to someone who can't even hold down a part time job.