Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My DM lives rent free in a house I own

50 replies

sneezyweasle · 07/07/2018 23:17

Name changed.

Years ago my DM returned W from years living abroad, with no savings and no job and nowhere to live. My DF has left her some 15 years prior.

My DP and I needed a nanny so we suggested I buy a house near by and employ her properly ie tax and NI as our nanny, which we did. Tiny house cost 70k, it is the only property I own. She paid no rent.

DP has huge house where we lived with our DC. We verbally promised she could live in the house rent free when no longer looking after our Dc.

All fine until DP and I split. I now want to buy a home for myself - DC are 20 ish and our family home is their home but they are there less and less (uni).

My DM (who I love) is living rent free in a house now valued at 200K. Her income is modest - about 15k. My income is about 70k.

I want/need a place of my own. If I sold the house I'd have about 150k deposit and could get a nice place for me. But she will be homeless. I can afford to rent a nice place but I want security of my own home.

If I charged her rent she'd be broke - it would rent at about 700 pcm.

My Df left her for another woman and is a selfish but likeable man. My DM and he sold our family home years ago for fuck all and she got half - that is her pension pot now. She is mid 70s.

What should I do?

I so want to buy a home for me (no way would l live with her!!) but don't want to make her homeless.

Any advice? Views?

OP posts:

DonkeyPlease · 07/07/2018 23:21

We verbally promised she could live in the house rent free when no longer looking after our Dc.

This is really a question of your personal ethics. You made this promise to her - you want to break it. Are you ok with that?

My mother is a bitch and I don't like her much, but for me, my word is my bond and I wouldn't break such a significant promise.

If it we're me, I would work with her, and/or with a mortgage broker or financial advisor, to find a different solution that kept us both housed.

Dontaskmegoogleit · 07/07/2018 23:25

Can't you buy a property and have her living with you ?

Pancakeflipper · 07/07/2018 23:27

You say it makes your mother homeless. How would you feel about that?

I think there are options you need to look at. She enabled you to work and no doubt move up the career ladder to earn your £70k per yr. You don't appear to have her or want NC. I don't think you make her homeless (unless you are a total cow).

Dontaskmegoogleit · 07/07/2018 23:28

Why can't she live with you ? Seperate units within one property?

GirlfriendInAKorma · 07/07/2018 23:29

Do all of your kids live away now? If so then surely you sell the big house and split the cash?

welshmist · 07/07/2018 23:29

You are up the creek. The only way round it would be to house share with her imo. Maybe do what friends have done and have a granny annexe.

pisces7268 · 07/07/2018 23:30

If you've got £150k deposit can't you get a big place with a separate granny flat on the land for your DM?

pisces7268 · 07/07/2018 23:32

Or use half the deposit for a small place for her and half for your house. When she passes (sorry I know that's morbid) sell the place and use to pay a chunk of your mortgage off?

SerendipityFelix · 07/07/2018 23:32

Look for a property with a granny flat/annex?

Second mortgage for a small property for yourself?

Or just keep renting. You have the security of your own home, you’re just not living in it at the moment. Long term you’re fine.

Grumpyoldblonde · 07/07/2018 23:33

So you have a lot of equity? Are the mortgage repayments low? I wondered if you could remortgage to raise a deposit. Could mum pay half market rate rent to help cover the mortgage on the house she lives in?

eggncress · 07/07/2018 23:33

Could you use the equity in your current house as a deposit for mortgage for another one ? So you have 2 houses?

annandale · 07/07/2018 23:36

What a daft promise to make. I think I would interpret the promise as not allowing her to become homeless, rather than that it has to be that house specifically.

I would sell the house and use the equity to buy her a retirement flat, chosen carefully. My mother wanted one in a complex which would have cost £110k - we have persuaded her to buy a more expensive less remote one but the cheap one was nice in many ways. She might even fancy a park home which are cheaper yet. Then you will still have a deposit and be able to get a mortgage for a place of your own, though not as big or nice a one.

RandomMess · 07/07/2018 23:37

If your admin was rents suitable property and her income too low she would be eligible for full or partial housing benefit...

Perhaps buy a suitable one bed buy to let that you rent to her and the rest of the money use for a property for you?

Pumpkintopf · 07/07/2018 23:38

Are you not entitled to half of the family home??

RainySeptember · 07/07/2018 23:42

I think that your family and financial circumstances have changed drastically, and you need to have a conversation with her.

Tbh I'd be surprised if she wasn't waiting for that conversation. If it was me, I'd have already instigated it with you.

She has been lucky to live there rent free for a long time but that may no longer be possible, you need to decide a compromise between you.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/07/2018 23:43

Could you buy her
A one bedroomed ground floor flat?

chipsandgin · 07/07/2018 23:44

Why would you not get half the family home?

Snortles · 07/07/2018 23:46

Has she any savings? If she has been living rent free all these years I would assume she has a considerable amount saved. Could she use that towards a mortgage for her own flat or help you with your deposit?

Not sure what I would do in your situation tbh. But she should pay you some rent now even if it's half the average of your area. So not 700 pcm but something like 450.

RandomMess · 07/07/2018 23:47

If you're not married and you live in your partners house you are generally not entitled to half!

Singlenotsingle · 07/07/2018 23:50

Buy a house with a granny annexe

CanaBanana · 07/07/2018 23:57

Sell DM's house and buy her a cheaper place to fulfil your promise of putting a roof over her head. Use the rest of the money to buy yourself a house. Get a solicitor and see if you can claim part of DP's house on the basis that you contributed to the upkeep and therefore have a stake in it.

Original poster

sneezyweasle · 08/07/2018 00:00

Not married so not getting anything from ex. But we get on v well!

I hadn't thought of a grannie annex that's interesting. Pros and cons to that idea.

Get two smaller houses also hadn't thought of that.

I would not make her homeless no. I think yes A Talk is needed as it may be she could contribute something. But I'm so much cash richer than her .. that feels bad too. And yes I can carry on renting. I guess I'm feeling a bit grumpy and poor-me about leaving my lovely large home n garden and now living in flat no garden, and that my fucking DF basically screwed her over with an "amicable" divorce where she didn't get her fair share (she was left with two DC to bring up). I feel abit like like I adopted her tbh.

Lots to think about

OP posts:

Thymeout · 08/07/2018 00:07

You need a property big enough to house dcs for the next few years. Your dm is reaching the point where she might reasonably move into some sort of housing complex for the elderly. The most logical solution is to sell the house and use the equity to rehouse you and dcs and rent a sheltered housing unit for her. Could you afford to do that?

JimWilsonBell · 08/07/2018 00:12

Doesn't matter if you were married or not you are entitled to a share. You lived as husband and wife and had children.

She could claim housing benefit, even with you being the landlady, well you used to be able to anyway.

I love my mother dearly but couldn't live with her either but could have her in a grannie annex if needed but certainly couldn't ask her to leave directly, indirectly tho is a different matter.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 08/07/2018 00:22

History has repeated itself then, your mother got screwed over by your father and you have been screwed over by your H.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread