Childcare arrangements now ex-husband is moving in with new GF - HELP!

[BG198]

Hi all,

So bit of background, I had my little boy 19/11/17 and on Christmas Day my husband told me he was leaving and soon after moved back to his mum's. Cue a horrendous few months but I've lived to tell the tale, barely!

In this time my ex has helped out on a flexible basis with our son, he started having him overnight on odd occasions from him being about 3 months old (young I know before anybody starts!) more out of necessity than anything else as he's never been a great sleeper and I was exhausted.
The arrangement was one overnight stay most weeks, at his mum's house where he had plenty of help and I've always been as okay as I could be with this. I only live 5 minutes away so no issue there if anything happens or he needs help.
So he's recently starting having him for a couple of nights one weekend a month meaning I had a whole weekend to myself and all was working well.

Had a discussion at the beginning of June where ex told me he had a new partner but she lived 200 miles away and had not met our son yet and from his own admission things were moving slowly.
Two weeks later they've been to arrange a rental property for her to move in with him and I've come back from holiday to the rental contract on my doormat. Turns out they've agreed to let this property only 10 days after he said it wasn't serious.

Major other issues now coming to light that it's someone he's worked with who he may well have been involved with since I was about 4 months pregnant but thats a debate for another time, he doesn't know I know this.

My main question is where do I go from here re childcare arrangements?
I'm not happy for my son to go and stay there with a woman I do not know, who has no children, who by his own admission he's only been seeing since the start of April.
Where do I stand?

The fact that he does not see my issue that I do not know this woman and she could be anyone is what makes me think he's so blind to the very real risk that there could be any number of safeguarding issues there because he's so wrapped up in playing happy families with her.

He's moving in two weeks time and since I have said I'm not happy with my son going to stay with them when they move the atmosphere has been very frosty and I feel he doesn't listen when I'm telling him about what to feed our son or what he needs to be wearing to bed in the hot weather etc.

I'm worried sick about this other woman, he wouldn't give me her name but now i've seen the rental contract I have it of course but am I as unreasonable as he suggests to want to meet her before I okay her spending time with my son? The house they are moving to is almost an hour away and they know nobody in the area so there's no support there either.

Please help!

You're going to be hard pressed withdrawing overnights at this stage. Not sure you could get a family court onside - unless you can come up with solid evidence that he is actively harming the child.

Many men only get overnights later and don't get much contact at first but one fine day, that changes and dad suddenly had to learn. In your case, dad has had supervised practice, overnight, for some time... Court would likely see this as a reasonable transition.

If you have solid argument that he has hurt the child or placed him in danger, definitely chat to a solicitor. Even if you don't, chat to a solicitor! Maybe there's something we are all missing.

My ex used to send DC home to me unwashed, thirsty, etc.. it's a hard thing, I know. But they aren't little forever. Your DS will become independent and may never even realise how shit his dad is. Which may seem unfair but it's better on the bairn that he doesn't twig... His dad probably loves him very much, that really is the main thing. Contact is, unless you've left something really significant out, in DS best interest.

I would never allow this, op. The baby is far too young and has no bond with the woman. No judge in their right mind will allow a 7 month old baby away from its mother overnight an hour away. If he doesn't like it, tough luck!. I would rather see him in court than accept this. Court cases take ages so buying time. I would NOT want a strange woman with my child even for an hour.

Your doing the right thing OP. You don't no this lady and your ex doesn't sound capeabule. Not a chance in he'll. Egnore posters who are saying any different. There idiots. Clearly your n1 priority here is your so s safety. I can't offer any advice but if I where in your situation is just simply not allow him to to take him unless he was at his mum's. Not a chance in high bloody he'll. You don't no this woman and People are so ducked up these days. Erg it doesn't bare tho no g about. Your son is your priority don't give In OP

Family court typically suggests that a baby has contact time for 'a few hours every Saturday' building to a full day for a toddler and overnights for a young child, so it may well be worth seeking legal advice op. I think the main issue will be that you have been happy to do it until now and a precedent has been set.

But of course then you will lose your childcare, if that's important to you.

And you can't dictate who he introduces baby to any more than he can dictate who you introduce baby to.

It's hard all round, I'm sorry you're having to deal with it op.