She sent late night text to my DH

[SheldonandPenny]

I don't know if this is the right place to post as I dont very often...DH received a late night text from a woman I don't know. Is there a time by which it's a bit much to text someone's DH? We were sitting watching tv at 10:45pm which is precious time for us. DH teaches a sports club for parents and their older children/teens. He gets home at 8:30pm and she waited to text him until 10:45pm to check he was ok with something she did...I have never met her. DC and DH say she's really nice. She took our dc out last week with DH's agreement. I was surprised. There's been a large supply of gifts of home baked goods recently on a couple of occasions for DH. He sees it as just this. I trust him. Her behaviour feels a touch uncomfortable though. It could be just her friendliness/loneliness but it feels odd or stealth poaching at worst. Shes more than 10 years younger than DH and married with dcs. DH's view is that she was probably caught up with dcs until then. Views?

Could be something or nothing.

Did you read the message?

Have you read the messages, it does sound suspicious

Depends what the text says? I don't we an issue at all with it. My friends of opposite sex don't have a curfew on when they can contact me

It's really depends. As a one off, I would read to much into it. She may have been busy and then not realised what time it was when she sent the text.

What do you mean a large supply of baked goods? At our hobby people brought stuff like that to sessions, but not for one person.

I am also trying to understand how she took your kids out without your knowledge and why she did so?

Why do you say she's lonely?

What did the message say?

well i think it's late for anyone to be texting anyone tbh, but I know that makes me horribly oldeworlde

If anyone's phone goes off here after about six o clock we do the

Is MsCakes&Texts making cakes foreveryone and taking out their children??

I couldn’t sleep last night and fired off a bunch of emails at 1am, I don’t think the timing is in and of itself worrying. Depends on the content IMO.

The gifts would worry me a bit, though.

1045 isn't late. Your concerns may or may not be valid, based on the other circs and the message itself, but I wouldn't read anything at all into the timing.

I don’t think I would be comfortable with someone texting my other half so late, unless she was asking about what kit/uniform/arrangements were needed for a morning activity.

Erm 10.45 is late to text (for most people!) I would just keep a close eye on things OP.

I don’t think I would be comfortable with someone texting my other half so late, unless she was asking about what kit/uniform/arrangements were needed for a morning activity.

We don't know what she was asking!

OP you'll find MN split evenly between people who think anything after 7pm is an outrage, and the other half that says it doesn't matter when you text because you can answer at your leisure so 3am is OK. Maybe she's just part of that second part?

I would very much mind the baked goods from another woman

No idea, with regards to your DH, but I’ve noticed people are less and less considerate about times they text people.

My MIL sent me a fb message just this morning at 6.15 which pinged away and woke me up, she does have a time zone difference but she never considers the time when contacting us (or maybe she does....), and I have a few other friends like that too

Why are so many women in relationships with men they don't trust?

I do sometimes text late, that doesn’t mean I’m expecting a reply before the morning. And yes, they are the texts like “are the kids starting at 7 or 8?” But only do that with people who do the same. I still wouldn’t be texting a married man at that time, regardless of what urgent stuff I needed to know.

For friendly conversation, I would be livid.

I don’t txt after 22.00 but a few times got txts from different people and some txts could obviously wait until morning. Also sometimes with different networks you will send a txt but it will come through later.
I won’t like someone bringing baked things to my husband as well. could it be because her children have problems at the club and she feels that your DH are particular nice and patient with them? Or she wants your DH be nice to her children as there is an issue?

Don't keep the phone by your bed, or put it on silent if you don't want to be disturbed after an arbitrary point in the evening. She could easily have been caught up with kids, cooking, housework, life in general and forgotten she meant to text him.

No reason that the time of a text message should be suspicious in itself. If it was just about the club, forget it, she just keeps different hours to you.

What did the text say?

Who is she and how do he and the kids know her? As you haven't met her will you be meeting her soon?

Why did she take them out?

What is the story with the cakes?

to check he was ok with something she did

She could be like some posters on MN who get themselves into a right tangle and have to screw up the courage to ask about something. OTOH certain women used to make cakes and tarts for my ex, on the grounds that I didn't bother baking. I didn't care at the time, but it certainly registered with me, it's an odd intrusive thing to do. "Look what an excellent home-maker I am. Your wife's crap."

I have a no calls after nine rule, possibly half past nine with some people. Texts are different though, I get texts at all hours, because most people assume if you are asleep you won’t read it. I sometimes text someone if it is a bit late to actually call.
Anyway, timing aside , you seem to think that this woman is making a play for your DH ? Sort of irrelevant who makes a play for him if he isn’t interested though. Most people will get other people flirt with them at some point, it’s what you do about it that is important, not the flirting.
I am very happy for DH to have friends of both sexes. Both of us have always had opposite sex friends, we have opposite sex siblings too, which I sometimes think is part of us being comfortable knocking around with either men or women. So if your DH has a friendship with this woman I don’t see the problem. If she is flirting with him, I don’t see the problem either, unless he shows a keen interest in her.

@BertrandRussell

Why are so many women in relationships with men they don't trust? 😁

Why do so many people of either sex cross the boundary lines of other's relationships?

Also, as pp said, texts can be sent much earlier but take time to reach you.

On a tangent -

I have a friend who complained constantly about being woken by her phone 'when she'd just got off to sleep'. Turned out she'd given her number out to some blokes in a club and they'd text her every night to see if she was up for sexting.

So we told her to put her phone to silent every night. And the texting stopped!

Unless you have a poorly relative on their deathbed/might need you at the drop of a hat, or a young child away from home, why wouldn't you put your phone on silent? If your 1045 is 'precious time for you' insist that both yours and his are turned off!

"Why do so many people of either sex cross the boundary lines of other's relationships?"
"Boundary lines"? Blimey. Was the text a picture of her breasts or something?