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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU with Husband working with woman he cheated with?

59 replies

Desperatehousewife18 · 03/07/2018 23:15

So, my Husband cheated with a woman at work two years ago. I caught him out after seeing a message on his phone. This was four weeks after I miscarried at 12 weeks.
My Husband left his job and ceased all contact and we worked on our marriage. Due to being made redundant he became lazy and did not bother searching for a job, and after realising he needed to get back to work he walked out of a new job on the first day, doing the same work, and went back to where he had the affair. I told him I was not comfortable with it before he even spoke to his old boss, but he went ahead and did it anyway. He is now working 8-9 hour days with this woman which is making me very uncomfortable and anxious, and already causing arguments. We are barely speaking. AIBU to feel this way? He admitted that if the roles were reversed he would not let me do it!

OP posts:
Desperatehousewife18 · 05/07/2018 08:08

After a day yesterday of being spoken to like I was a piece of shit, orders barked at me and being around my Husband who I do not even recognise anymore, I am hoping for a more peaceful day. This is unbelievably draining! That weight on my shoulders from the minute I wake up until I finally fall asleep. No affection, and living what I can only describe as a lonely existence whereby I am shouting but no-one can hear me!

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BedtimeTea · 05/07/2018 10:00

Desperatehousewife18, we hear you though. Keep your chin up in front of him, and prepare for your soon to be happier future. As the poster further up in the thread said, third time's the charm.

Desperatehousewife18 · 05/07/2018 11:29

It is soooo hard, especially as he is sat there engrossed in his phone and expects me to iron his uniform and make him breakfast, well I say ask, more like demand, with not even a please or thank you.

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OddS0ck · 05/07/2018 13:06

Mine did this too. Expected his breakfast cooked, his shirt ironed and a hot meal waiting when he felt like coming home.

All the while blanking me or one word answers.

I regret not taking action sooner, I'd have had less abuse (abuse it is) and more self-respect. Instead I tried to be the best me while he was shagging OW and planning their future.

BTW their future didn't work out as planned.

Desperatehousewife18 · 05/07/2018 15:05

I truly do not know how men like this sleep at night. How can anyone treat another human being as though they are worthless!
It is soul destroying!
Apparently removing my Husband from our joint tenancy is not going to be as easy as I anticipated. I do have an appointment with a solicitor next Friday though - fingers crossed!

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Desperatehousewife18 · 05/07/2018 15:06

In the meantime I am going to have to bite my tongue and put up with being spoken to like I am worthless, and treated like a slave!

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Desperatehousewife18 · 06/07/2018 10:37

So, after being awake for less than half an hour DH is already having a go. This time because I am going shopping with my Brother! I am using all the strength I have left to not cry. I feel so isolated, so fragile. It seems that nothing I do is right and it never will be. My house does not even feel like my home as it is plagued with animosity and anger. Living in a house where I feel so lonely yet the person who is supposed to love and care for me is upstairs in bed, probably waiting to have a go at me for something else, more than likely because I have not made his breakfast! It is bad enough coping with the anxiety of him working with his ex affair partner, without this at home. I never get a break or any peace from it and it is driving me insane!

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Desperatehousewife18 · 06/07/2018 15:30

Someone please give me strength!!! After spending the entire week since he has been back there working with her talking to me like a piece of shit, including this morning, he has the cheek to send me a message whilst he is sat upstairs asking if I fancy sex as he had 20 mins before leaving for work! What the hell?! Then left in a mood as I did not respond!

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ICESTAR · 09/07/2018 22:04

You poor lady. Can you ask him to leave? Surely it must be hell living like that. Tell him to get lost. How dare he treat you like you are nothing. He should be on his knees grovelling. You poor lady. Flowers for you. Flowers

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