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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Boyfriend left because of my mental health

26 replies

PassMeAGrip · 02/07/2018 23:22

I need you to talk sense into me.

Tried to condense this as much as possible!

Until last weekend I'd been with my boyfriend for 10 months. I fell hard and fast! And so did he apparently.

Just after Xmas I found he'd been texting a woman he used to date. It was innocent stuff except him forgetting to mention I existed. I was very upset. I tried to forget about this and put it behind us and we have had some incredible times together.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. We had an argument. I get very very upset and agitated. It's relevant to say I have mental health issues and have been trying to get help for 15 years. Anyway, he walked out for 5 days and totally ignored me. His reasoning was that he was making me worse (he wasn't) . I forgave that as I understand my problems can be hard to deal with and it's hard to know what to do for the best.

We had a week together when he came back. We both happened to be off work and so we spent time together, had days out and really talked. He told me he would be there for me during my long awaited appointment with the mental health team.

Then he goes to the pub with his mates one night and just doesn't come back. Blocks me on everything except to message to say I'm a burden - I'm really really not, it's the one thing I'm fearful of and am loathe to ask for help because of it. So that was a cruel thing to say. I went to my appointment and have been told I likely have borderline personality disorder.

I'm dealing with such a lot this week. I'm frightened. I should be dealing with myself abd my potential diagnosis but my heart is breaking. I feel like I'm going crazy but I'm so disappointed to be let down again. I'm very sad and despite all the other support I have, i just want him. I cannot stop crying and I feel utterly broken and pathetic.

He's not worth chasing is he? I'll get over this right?

OP posts:

Domino20 · 02/07/2018 23:26

No, you should not chase him at all. Ten months is no time at all. Focus on yourself now, he will always use your mental health as a stick to beat you with. Move on. Good luck x

SemperIdem · 02/07/2018 23:26

He is absolutely not worth chasing and honestly, in a few months, this non entity will be someone you rarely think of.

He hasn’t left you because of your MH, he has left because he’s a shagger (in spirit if not in body, judging by the texts) and not ready/unable to commit. You don’t need that in your life, no woman does.

It will get better, you will be ok. You absolutely deserve better

Pickleypickles · 02/07/2018 23:28

I'm so sorry this happened OP but you have definately got away lucky imo. Partners are supposed to help in times of need, in sickness and in health and all that crap. You dont need that sorry excuse for a man exacerbating things for you. You will get over this. You will get better, as its clear from your post you want to get better, and although it's probably hard to see im sure you will look back in 6 months and realise what a cruel dickhead he is and how much of a bullet you dodged.

spudlet7 · 02/07/2018 23:29

He most certainly is NOT worth chasing OP!!! Being with somebody with MH issues can be hard but it does not make them a burden. And it definitely does not make it in any way okay to 1) leave for 5 days with no contact 2) go out and not return with no explanation 3) say cruel things to you.

In fact, it's even less okay to do these things to someone with mental health issues. He has been cruel and you're well shot of him.

Keep fighting for help with your MH. Your health is worth fighting for, this arsehole is not.

pisces7268 · 02/07/2018 23:29

Don't chase him, he's the worst. Not only has he left but he's made you think it's your fault and that's unforgivable as it's not!

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 02/07/2018 23:34

Bloody hell what quick and lovely replies. I'm sat here blubbing away again.

I know you're all right but my god it hurts!

And I desperately want to get better. I'm often told I'm too nice. But when this sorry condition rears it's ugly head I'm a diffeent person. I'm bloody exhausted with it!!

I supportedhim through surgery and would've done anything for him which I guess makes me feel like a mug.

You're all great!!!

OP posts:

SemperIdem · 02/07/2018 23:37

It’s ok to feel hurt and disappointed right now, as long as you know that ultimately - you will be ok. Because you will. Be kind to yourself

Suffraduck · 02/07/2018 23:39

It's bloody painful but all other posters are spot on - he's a twat and does not deserve your tears. Focus on your lovely self and get better. You're not alone and you can get lots of support on here

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 02/07/2018 23:42

I love it here. Some nest of vipers you all are

I will be ok. I'm just feeling very childishly mardy about everything being such an uphill battle. I want to stamp my feet and say I CBA and just stay in bed all day!! I'm signed off work for a little while at least. With this weather I couldn't have picked a better time to have a full on breakdown

Gotta laugh!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 02/07/2018 23:43

Seriously though I had forgotten how physically painful a break up is. I'm shocked and feel like a complete drama queen!

OP posts:

Suffraduck · 02/07/2018 23:51

We are nasty vipers really, I'm just having a funny turn

You will absolutely be ok. We've all been there (I know I have!) and we've all recovered. He's done you a favour in a way, he sounds absolutely awful! And in case he comes crawling back...remember everyone has their good side, but that doesn't mean that should be enough for you.

What real life support do you have?

Suffraduck · 02/07/2018 23:51

Sorry I'm knackered and in a bit of a MH tizz myself too, hope I'm making sense!

blondeemily · 03/07/2018 00:00

No, he's not worth chasing and yes you will get over it.
I know it's painful right now but you absolutely will get over this. And you will be better off for it. It seems that you are at a time in your life where you need to focus on you. If anything it sounds like he is a burden to you, not the other way around!
I hope you get the support you need with your mental health x

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 03/07/2018 00:07

I have a huge family and a billion and one mates I can call in. My lodger is ace too. I just hate hate hate asking for help. I'm usually the one doing the helping to deflect from myself. Suffraduck I'm sorry you're a part of what my family affectionately call the Crazy Club too - look after yourself as well!!! And yeah I believe you about being a complete snake underneath it all

Blonde thanks. Im seriously howling like a banshee right now in between laughing at myself for being so stupid. If I'm not sectioned before the end of the week it will be a miracle

OP posts:

Suffraduck · 03/07/2018 00:11

Well I don’t give a damn if you hate it, ASK FOR HELP! It won’t seem natural and you’ll feel awkward, but you will feel better for it. I was the same but gradually getting better at it!

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 03/07/2018 00:16

I'm getting better too but my god do you ever just get sick of the sound of your own whining voice😂

OP posts:

Suffraduck · 03/07/2018 00:21

Well if you haven’t been talking to others and asking for help, how can you be sick of your whining?😏

But yes, I get what you mean. I want to be able to say “Enough now, let’s move on”, but my mind doesn’t seem to listen... Pure insolence

spudlet7 · 03/07/2018 08:17

I must say, you have a wicked sense of humour about all this OP 😂 That, if nothing else, will get you through 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

Hexcode16 · 03/07/2018 09:20

Been through myself, my partner of 17 years left my because of my mental health problems, which he actually made worse. You are well rid.

Now you need to focus on you and keep yourself busy, don’t sit around thinking. Make a list of all the chores you need to do, tick them off as they get done and you’ll get a great sense of accomplishment.

Get out with your mates and have a moan about the bastard.

A bit of retail therapy can’t hurt either!😀

Good luck OP, it hurts like hell right now but you will get over it, just be kind to yourself.🙂

CollyWombles · 03/07/2018 09:25

He is a waste of space OP. What a cruel person, using your concern of being a burden against you.

I was once head over heels for a man. Like you, I fell hard and fast and once he knew I was hooked, his behaviour changed. He used to walk out for days too and ignore any texts or calls, until I apologised for things I hadn't done. He also didn't turn up to my MH appointment that I was terrified off, also got drunk the night before. We were together on and off for five years and by the time we finally split, I was so unwell it took a year of medication and therapy to get me back on my feet.

Please see this as a lucky escape. It really is.

fieryginger · 03/07/2018 09:25

Let him go. He's not a good guy. It hurts right now but, in the long run, he'll hinder your MH not help it.

I have MH issues and my husband has always been supportive. The long and short of it is, it's not likes the soaps, IRL it's a long, hard, slog and you don't need that negativity in your life, as you look forward to a better future now you've, finally, got help.

Good luck op, don't go backward, time to look forwards. 💐

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 03/07/2018 09:26

Ok the cats are sick of my whining voice ok?! poor little shits. Theycould have a home with a sedate little old lady. Instead they got a divorced 30 year old who is either on top of the world or wanting to die who frequently cries into their fur whispering 'at least youuuuu will never leave meeeeee'. I wish I was joking😆

This week has been hideous but my sense of humour has kept me afloat many times and seems to be trying very hard to rear its head currently. Which is slightly annoying when you feel like you've been hit like a bus and you're physically pining for someone and just want to wallow in your pit...!

OP posts:

Original poster

PassMeAGrip · 03/07/2018 09:31

Whoops cross posted with the two last messages sorry! You are both SO RIGHT and I know this so whyyyyyy does my whole body just want him?! Life makes ZERO SENSE!

See colly - if you were my friend and told me that when it was happeningI'd have told you to get he hell out of there. Why don't I think i deserve the same respect as everyone else?!

Fiery I'm so glad your DH is supportive. Mine was too, we split for othrr reasons but are still mates. 😊😊😊

OP posts:

Coughy · 03/07/2018 09:33

Focus on getting better. Too much bf drama. id stop seeing anyone for a few years and sort your health out.

WhatDidItSay · 03/07/2018 11:09

It's ok to feel sad but it was only 10 months and he is clearly not the right person for you

or anyone else

Do something nice for yourself and try and see some friends and family. Let yourself feel sad if you need to.

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