I’ve ended things. I’ve done it.

[yellowhands]

I’ve just ended things with DP and told him to leave. It was surprisingly civilised. He speaks to me like shit and does barely anything round the house. I’ve been fantasising about ending it all day but never thought I’d actually have the guts. It feels different this time, like I’ve reached breaking point.

I’m surprisingly calm, my heart is racing though and I feel a bit nervous? He’s packing a bag in the other room.

Good for you!

Is your home yours?

Good for you. Onwards and upwards.

Well done. I bet you feel like a massive weight has been lifted. Enjoy your new found freedom!

Good for you!

If he tries the can we talk thing after packing, give him short shrift and show him the door. Good luck.

When you make huge life changes you're bound to be nervous. And your heart will be pumping from the adrenaline rush from the enormousky hard/brave thing you've just done.

Well done OP.

Do you have children together?

Thank you everyone. He’s crying in the other room. He NEVER cries. My natural reaction would be to go to him but I won’t. I think he knows I’m serious. I’m still doing ok but literally shaking with nerves!

Stand firm OP. He's not out the door yet. If you go to him he'll exhaust you to the point it's too late for him to leave.

We rent and yes we have a 3 year old who’s currently asleep. Going to go out for the day tomorrow and try to take my mind off things.

He’s just informed me that he will be cancelling the rent payment and council tax tonight. Classic him. The car is ‘mine’ but in his name (I know), he’ll need to take it tonight for his stuff.

Let him have his cross moments about money etc, and don't get drawn in to an argument.

It's too soon to tell what he will actually do I am sure.

Hth

Don't rise to it OP. Just concentrate on getting him out. Dont enter into a conversation about anything.

Hell probably try to go to the bairn to either say goodbye where he'll wake them up to cry all over or he'll try to take them. Just don't give him words he can use to wind himself up.

There's a list somewhere on MN about the things men like this do when they are finally kicked out. Crying always features on it. Blame (on you) will shortly follow, so be warned.

Yes be prepared for the guilt trips and him stalling to leave just incase

BUT

Fucking well done OP

I can't imagine how it must feel!

Stay strong for you and your boy

You can get through this

Sorry :( just realised you said 3yo and not son but my comments remain

Well done OP- baby steps, start with making sure he leaves and don't engage with his drama

Well done,stick to your guns & don’t be guilt tripped cos he’ll try

One of the Best things you'l ever do promise you.
Even if in the coming weeks it doesn't feel like it and you have a wobble, stay strong it's totally worth it ! Nice one op

So, he cried some more. He came in and asked why I don’t look bothered. I said I’ve had 5 years of bothering and I’m over it. He asked why. I told him he knows exactly why. He has literally just been so so nice and told me that he doesn’t want to lose his family. He admits he’s been lazy and told me he was wrong about everything (him doing fuck all, wanting me to have less money than him, him speaking to me like shit) which he has done before half-heartedly but he honestly sounded like he meant it. I burst into tears despite my best efforts as that is all I’ve ever wanted to hear. I was still pretty angry though and said I don’t really believe it as he has had 5 years to ‘change’ or 3 more specifically to when we started having problems. He has said this has made him realise what he has to lose and he is willing to stick to a cleaning rota, go to counselling, anger management etc. which he has always point blank refused when I’ve asked. He’s off out now for an hour (brother was picking him up anyway) and said he’s happy to give me space but can he stay tonight. He said we will write a list of the things he needs to do to (housework, counselling, joint account) and I said it’s too late but he’s coming back.

Have I just been played? Should I give him a chance? I feel a bit pathetic now but I now know I can do it and don’t want to put up with this anymore.

Don't let him stay !

He's trying it on OP and he's pulling out the big guns

You'll regret it

Foot down and stay strong

You have been played
I give it 2 weeks before it goes tits up again.

He will tell you EVERYTHING you want and have ever wanted to hear

Don't fall for it, I can guarantee if you stand your ground, you'll see his nasty true self again.
Didn't take him long to say he'd stop bill payments did it....

You can do it!!

You have been played... tell him he's got 6 months to sort his shit out... you will need evidence of counselling and anger management... only then will you think about it.
Stay strong xx

He just left. He started to write a list of the chores he’s apparently going to do (like I don’t already know them).

He said he will take on a couple of food shops every month as well. I said well why don’t we just have a joint account then otherwise we will have to keep track of everything to make it fair. He said he doesn’t want one (just wanted the joint account for savings for our future mortgage). So I said well if you’re happy to split everything what’s the problem with having joint account for everyday purchases and he said couples don’t have to share everything. I told him not to get pissy with me as he’s the one who’s been acting like a twat for 3 years and he said he’s not and left.

Ughhhh he’s not going to leave is he. I feel exhausted already.

Don't even engage with him

Really him doing a couple of food shops is worth putting up with him for longer ?

Tell him to fuck off

Don't fall back into OP