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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pushed over and now broken arm

62 replies

Sillysausage12345 · 30/06/2018 14:31

Afternoon guys,

Quick run down of last nights events...

A few mates and their gfs came over to mine. Drink was involved. I’m not a massive drinker so I wasn’t past the point of not knowing what was going on.

One particular friend I got on very well with and recently it’s made his on and off gf challenge both of us and I’ve always said there is nothing going on which is the truth.

Anyway, i offered for my mate and his gf to stay and as the music was loud and all that I leant in and said this to him, the gf saw us chatting from outside and went bananas. Literally flipped out, managed to scuff me round the face. I do know how this probably looked from the outside and especially given the circumstances of their volitile relationship I shouldn’t have said anything to him about them staying, but she doesn’t live near me so I thought I was just being nice.

My mate picked up the gf and dragged her outside throwing her to the floor, she hit her head on some stones and there was blood everywhere, at that moment I just wanted to stop it All and see if she was ok. My mate just saw red and pushed me over shouting in my face he’s going to break my nose if I don’t leave her alone. I landed on my wrist which I’m going to have to have xrayed as it really doesn’t feel good.

He stormed off, gf was in a state, everyone left and somehow it was me and her left, I managed to calm her down and clean her up and we actually managed to have an adult conversation about it all. I apologised for what it looked like to her, she apologised for flipping out. We’re over it like reasonable people.

I then get phone calls this afternoon saying it’s all my fault I should have never gone near him, the gf is his gf not me, if I feel like that towards him (which I don’t) then I should stay away from him. He doesn’t want anything to do with me ever again, I’m every name under the sun. I made the gf feel uncomfortable even though I went out my way to talk to her and make an effort but apparently this was me being too friendly.

I feel pretty shit about the events and wish I’d said to her about staying it would have then all been prevented. But a silly argument turned very nasty very quickly. My mate literally turned on everyone, pushed my other friend and her bf to the floor which was so uncalled for when we were all just trying to get him away from the gf as she was sobbing on the floor bleeding.

Please just everyone remind me not to go out my way to help people again. It always comes back to bite me, I feel a kn*b for mentioning anything to him about staying.

And if I need a speaking to please feel free to have a go as I need a proper reilaty check.

Plus I need some advice on voilence.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 30/06/2018 15:14

He physically assaulted, and caused injuries to, at least 2 of you. Police ffs.

Sillysausage12345 · 30/06/2018 15:17

No no kiddies thank god.

I just feel a idiot and he’s phoned my shouting down the phone that it’s all my fault.

I do feel partially to blame but pushing me, two others over and the dragging the gf was not called for.

Hate all this, I’m hoping the gf knows there’s nothing in it with me, he, however has lived up to the reputation everyone has given him.

Oh well, I’ll get my arm checked out and see how I feel a bit later. He left his phone at mine anyway so he’ll have to come get it at some point, don’t rwally want to see him but I’m not going out my way for him anymore.

OP posts:
TwoBlueShoes · 30/06/2018 15:17

Is the OP male or female? Not that it matters but I'm just trying to visualize the whole thing.

Get your arm checked out. Delete and block these people. Involve police if necessary.

brizzledrizzle · 30/06/2018 15:17

Your so-called mate could well end up on manslaughter charges or worse. Distance yourself from him and her, the three of you are not a good combination.

Arum51 · 30/06/2018 15:20

@Sillysausage12345 So he has a rep for doing this kind of thing? Nope. Steer clear. Get his phone out of your house, ask someone else to come and collect it and give it to him. If he turns up angry and abusive, you could well end up hurt again.

TwoBlueShoes · 30/06/2018 15:20

Sorry, I just re-read it. The OP seems to be female.

Seriously, this guy is not a good person. He's violent and aggressive. You don't need people like that in your life.

Call the police as he's continuing to harass you.

HollowTalk · 30/06/2018 15:25

Did your friend have a reputation for violence to others before this happened? Be honest, has he ever fought before?

I would leave his phone with someone else - I wouldn't want him coming near me. Whose phone is he using to call from? Is he now with his girlfriend?

I agree with the others - this is so bad - you need a new set of friends.

bringbacksideburns · 30/06/2018 15:29

How old are you all??

You sound like a bunch of 15 year olds who can't handle their drink. Had he taken something?

What do mean by his 'reputation'? Do you mean reputation for being a violent dickhead who starts fights or is he usually passive and peaceful?

Get your arm checked out. Contact a mutual friend and get them to pick up his phone.
Get mutual friend to tell him you don't want anything to do with them again and if he does contact you shouting he may find himself on an assault charge.

I think you need to think about the company you keep.
For God's sake stop contact and block!

Cawfee · 30/06/2018 15:33

Firstly, your mate isn’t a mate. He wouldn’t have done that to a bloke. He’s assaulted 2 women in one night and needs locking up. Call the police.

Secondly, stop trying to be mates with blokes. It’s fine when you’re 7 but let me tell (as a tomboy who only ever had bloke friends) it doesn’t work at adult stage. The gfs always put a stop to it, even if youre married and happy. They screw it up deliberately so you are wasting your time by trying to be matey with blokes. The only way to do it is “best friend” up every gf. It’s exhausting.

Sillysausage12345 · 30/06/2018 15:34

We’re all in our 30s! Yeah he’s known to have a nasty steak.

Yeah deleted blocked goodbye, he’s renting a house of me so he’s said he’ll be leaving as soon as he find somewhere else to live.

He says he can’t ”remember” what happened but has come to the conclusion that’s its all my fault.

Oh well

Thanks for the advice I don’t feel so bad now x

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/06/2018 15:37

Make sure he does leave the rental. The last thing you need is him living there with a grudge against you.

Racecardriver · 30/06/2018 15:37

You should be report him to the police for assault. His GF is probably going to end up dead sooner or later if he isn't put in prison.

Joysmum · 30/06/2018 15:38

Secondly, stop trying to be mates with blokes. It’s fine when you’re 7 but let me tell (as a tomboy who only ever had bloke friends) it doesn’t work at adult stage

You must attract the wrong sort of people in you life. Never had a problem with my male friends partners and nor has my DH with his female friends partners.

Joboy · 30/06/2018 15:38

Please call the police even if they just log as this guy could a lot nastier as you are now not freind . You need to a and e soon as is busy soon .

petrolpump28 · 30/06/2018 15:45

stupid drunk people.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/06/2018 15:48

Wow what a nasty person, I would report him to the Police. This should be a big red flag for the girlfriend as he might well get violent to her.

Sillysausage12345 · 30/06/2018 15:50

Yes indeed stupid drunk people

OP posts:
Sillysausage12345 · 30/06/2018 15:53

He’s been a bit handy with the gf before, but I’ve never seen it and only heard it via the grapevine

OP posts:
reddressblueshoes · 30/06/2018 15:55

He was violent towards his girlfriend in front of other people.

This strongly suggests it wasn't the first time he's been violent towards her. If you want to make sure she's ok, report his assault of you to police, and at least it will be on record he's been violent towards women. Leaning in so someone can hear you is not an excuse for someone to be violent, but his girlfriend messily shoving you is certainly not an excuse for him to slam her head to the ground and even less of an excuse for him to attack you or other people.

He is not normal, you want to report and get some kind of restraining order because this really sounds like it could escalate.

reddressblueshoes · 30/06/2018 15:55

Also- the police can do a safety check on her and possibly have a word with her about their relationship in general if this is a pattern.

petrolpump28 · 30/06/2018 16:00

he's been a bit handy What does that mean please?

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2018 16:00

I wouldn't be letting him decide when he's leaving your property either.

nocoolnamesleft · 30/06/2018 16:01

He’s been a bit handy with the gf before

He has physically assaulted hi gf before.

There. corrected that for you. You're minimising.

lifebegins50 · 30/06/2018 16:03

He's been a bit handy

I think you might need to frame this correctly...he is a violent man who has physically assaulted a woman in the past and now yourself.

The "handy" comment minimises what he does...like in the 70s when a man beating his wife was " just domestic".

He is not even taking responsibility and blaming you so he will reoffend.

Sillysausage12345 · 30/06/2018 16:14

Yeah I need to have a think about what I’m going to do, I certainly don’t want any of this in my life.

I feel for the gf, I wish there was more I could do but I can’t get involved. They’re toxic together and like someone said earlier they will only stop until one of them get seriously hurt or put away.

I need to see where I stand on my rental rights.

OP posts: