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Original poster

Tinder - being a job snob?

51 replies

Jellyoctopus · 29/06/2018 23:48

I’m new back to the dating game but have caught myself a lot lately swiping left on people based on their jobs. My relationships in the past have all been with working professionals and I enjoyed being able to chat work to a small degree in the evenings - one ex was a lawyer and so I always founds his stories from work fascinating. I like to be challenged and want to be with someone who is on the same level intellectually (or slightly more intelligent than me) as I find it an attractive trait. So long story short, I’ve found myself swiping left on manual labourers or personal trainers for example, not because I think that they can’t be intelligent (please, give me a break!) but I just can’t inagine us having much in common on that level - I’m not a gym goer and I find a man in a suit with a high powered job attractive. Long story short - am I being unreasonable or is it understandable enough and a good way to sift through potential matches from the get-go?

OP posts:

PrizeOik · 29/06/2018 23:50

Any filter you want to apply to your potential matches is reasonable... It's your life, you get to choose what you prefer

An it harm none, do what thou wilt, etc.

Original poster

Jellyoctopus · 29/06/2018 23:51

Also it should be noted that I come from a working-class background with a family full of tradesmen, before anyone tells me off for being a horrible human being for thinking I’d be more compatible with a city professional :)

OP posts:

Armchairanarchist · 30/06/2018 00:00

My wonderful amazing intelligent husband of 23 years works in a manual job. We're comfortably off and have no mortgage but he enjoys the job he does and the fact there is no stress attached. He also has a first class degree in Music. A job doesn't always tell a person's story.

HarrietSchulenberg · 30/06/2018 00:04

The criteria you use to choose dates is up to you. We makes choucedebased on age, height, looks, interests and hobbies etc so why not jobs? Jyst bear in mind that not everyone tells the truth out there in Tinderland so that hot looking lawyer who's into cinema and extreme biking might just be an unemployed plumber who's into cinema and extreme biking.

RedDwarves · 30/06/2018 00:05

You don't have to be unintelligent to work in a trade, and you don't have to be intelligent to work in a professional environment.

So, YANBU for swiping left to a personal trainer because you have no interest in the gym, but YABU for equating white collar work with intelligence.

DrMumMum · 30/06/2018 00:08

This happens to a friend of mine. He has a first in history and politics from an RG university but works as a fork lift truck driver. He's honestly one of the cleverest blokes I know, but he decided one day he didn't want the stress of his last job and is happy doing what he's doing now.

He tells me how he'll be having an online conversation with someone and as soon as his occupation is mentioned they just stop replying. I honestly thought he was making that up as I never realised people were actually like that. I do tell him it sorts the genuinely nice ones from the rest.

Obviously you're entitled to reject whomever you wish from your dating pool, but it does seem a bit unreasonable (and potentially grabby) to me.

Helloflamingogo · 30/06/2018 00:09

I’ve had boyfriends with “good” jobs and they’ve had no ambition which had been frustrating. So job doesn’t mean they’ll be like you.

Helloflamingogo · 30/06/2018 00:11

*good is not the word I want. City jobs? Professions?

SerendipityFelix · 30/06/2018 00:13

You’re not unreasonable to discount potential matches for any reason at all, you don’t owe them anything! You have to treat online dating as a business-like hobby, IME, and you can only be ‘interviewing’ so many people at once, you’re only one woman, you have to whittle them down somehow. I’d be a little wary of having blanket rules tho, be prepared to be flexible if you get the feels about someone but they don’t tick every box on paper at first glance.

esk1mo · 30/06/2018 00:13

im the opposite, the men you describe are my idea of dating hell! would much rather date a personal trainer

wagil · 30/06/2018 00:15

My neighbour has the same problem OP, she's given up on Tinder, it's Bumble all the way now.

esk1mo · 30/06/2018 00:15

to add to that, i have a MSc. i want to be able to switch off from all of that in a relationship.

SuperSuperSuper · 30/06/2018 00:17

Plenty of men with gala jobs are looking to get out of the rat race at 40-50y. What if a lawyer you're dating tells you that he's going to apply to Starbucks because he wants a simpler life?

I don't think you're a snob btw - not at all - I just think it could be risky.

category12 · 30/06/2018 00:27

Plumbers don't tend to be unemployed .

Yutes · 30/06/2018 00:33

I always found online dating a bit of a numbers game.

There were lots of guys I met with that didn’t necessarily seem my type, but I found that people can tell you what they want you to know on a profile. The rest you need to see up close.

You can decide not to date people with certain job types but you might be cutting out a whole load of people who are your type.

It’s not snobby per se. It’s entirely up to you. The fact you’re asking makes me think you believe it to be snobby.

thetigerthatcamefortea · 30/06/2018 00:51

I actually totally agree.
I discount people that don’t work/are having a break from
Working or work in what I consider very transient jobs.
So actually a labourer wouldn’t bother me but some
One working in B&M would.

It’s not anything to do with being a snob. It’s about ambition and drive.
I work really hard, and I respect that in a person, I want to be with some one that has goals
And dreams.
I realise I might have discounted mr right on these basis but it’s a risk I’ll take.
I also want to do things and experience different things and places.
I don’t need some one to pay for me, but I do need them
To be able to pay for them
Selves. I think I would get very frustrated if we couldn’t go to places due to finances.
I also avoid personal
Trainers but only
Because they intimidate me!!! Not because the job is a
Bad one!

sugarnotsweetener · 30/06/2018 01:01

Its who you want to date so of course you’re not being unreasonable in having a preference.

Comes across you wanted to be goady to be honest and have a bit of a row about it because I genuinely can’t see any other reason to post this. If people said YABU would you date people you didn’t find interesting just because a bunch of internet strangers said so?

Or maybe this is a bit of lazy journo?!

HungerOfThePine · 30/06/2018 01:17

Date who you want op just know you might miss out on a few gems, we all set a bar for dating, I swipe on sporty lad types and probably more but can't put a finger on it.
I'm a manual self employed type myself and seem to only date ambitious,/passionate and intelligent men completely by accident but clearly I've got a radar for them somewhere which isn't displaying dollar signs I might add .

Current is finishing his PhD and could run rings around me intellectually but we still have other things to connect on.

dundermiflin · 30/06/2018 05:59

What if the personal trainer ended up working for themselves, which led to a gym ownership, which led to multiple gym ownerships? Then he's a business owner and director of his own company. You can't guess someone's ambitions.
I know some lawyers who are smart but can't think for themselves and have no compassion.
I really think you need to look at the whole picture rather than occupation.

Seriousquestion09 · 30/06/2018 08:08

Hmmmm
I’m sorry but what do you do yourself?!
Those intellectual types tend to actually be taken and are very difficult to date sometimes due to busy jobs. Also they themselves are often very picky due to being in demand do you could be setting yourself up for disappointment as they tend to have the best pick of the bunch.

Seriousquestion09 · 30/06/2018 08:10

Loads of guys on bumble and tinder are just in it for sex and side pieces (ie already married/in relationships) no matter their job.... I’ve dated mainly the intellectual type you describe being a medic and really think the good sane ones are already taken. Sorry a generalisation but that’s what I have found.

swingofthings · 30/06/2018 08:17

I almost missed out on my man for doing this, although it my case, it wasn't income but education. Thankfully, he approached me. It was love at first sight, together 10 years, married 5. The irony was that I thought I wouldn't gel with someone who didn't have a degree, but my OH went to the most exclusive private school in the county, just decided Uni was not for him. He has been very successful in his career though and he is very well educated.

It's up to you how much you want to restrict your search but in my case, it almost cost me meeting the man of my life.

Grobagsforever · 30/06/2018 08:29

I look for a postgraduate education, minimum. Intelligence is vital to me, as is being educated. So totally with you OP, probably worse! It's my life, my choice.

howfaralong · 30/06/2018 08:54

What do you do?

Limpopobongo · 30/06/2018 09:18

The cult of the professional... total BS. They are just WORKERS and wage slaves like many others. So they sit in some office all day or bat around in a car? big deal. What is a professional anyway? What skills or qualifications do you need to become a professional? Are we talking about having a degree ? What in? sports science or events management?

Is it about money ? I earned well over the basic rate tax band last year and when i look in jobs columns like the Guardian, well known for advertising "professional" jobs, well when it comes to pay, i caned many of them.

So is it about intellect? If so ,that isnt just the preserve of certain job roles.

No, my belief is that the cult of the young professional is simply an industry/media construct that lots of people are more than happy to be associated with because they feel it makes them a better person and of a higher status and social standing.

In reality, when it comes to harsh economic reality, when the axe has to fall, guess where it falls? On swathes of deadwood in offices..

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