Tinder - being a job snob?

[Jellyoctopus]

I’m new back to the dating game but have caught myself a lot lately swiping left on people based on their jobs. My relationships in the past have all been with working professionals and I enjoyed being able to chat work to a small degree in the evenings - one ex was a lawyer and so I always founds his stories from work fascinating. I like to be challenged and want to be with someone who is on the same level intellectually (or slightly more intelligent than me) as I find it an attractive trait. So long story short, I’ve found myself swiping left on manual labourers or personal trainers for example, not because I think that they can’t be intelligent (please, give me a break!) but I just can’t inagine us having much in common on that level - I’m not a gym goer and I find a man in a suit with a high powered job attractive. Long story short - am I being unreasonable or is it understandable enough and a good way to sift through potential matches from the get-go?

I completely hear you OP and second what thetigerthatcamefortea said. There is nothing wrong with generalising at thus point...there are so many men on there you need to narrow down.

Ambition and drive is a huge thing for me and whilst I'm on my sofa swiping, whilst it might not be the most accurate of methods it helped me filter out a lot too.

As for Tinder, you can get exactly what you want...a hook up, something casual or more. As long as you stick to your own 'filters' and be prepared to waver slightly you'll be fine.

I'm a complete Tinder advocate; I met my partner on there and had the same mindset as you.

Enjoy!

Plumbers don't tend to be unemployed

Shirts and skirts can easily be chopped in hard times or where there is an economic downturn.

In my day job i often make site visits to construction sites. Its the building and extending season. For the last couple of weeks i have been visiting construction sites in Cheshire. There are some fairly wealthy areas out there.

People are commissioning new houses to be built and/or grandiose extensions/building works.

Some sites are just normal emis having an extension.

Whatever it is all i see are skilled professionals going about their work. Builders,plumbers, heating Engineers, electricians, etc etc

Its very male dominated (why ??). But the common factor is that generally they are all thoroughly decent guys, happy, cheerful,love their work and the atmosphere of all working together to create something must beat an arse licking, sniping culture of many an office any day.

The other thing of course is that they all have nice new vans,sometimes they have a few nice new vans. They are all making money and in work.

Most of the guys i know are fully booked up for months. The ones struggling for work tout around on those crummy find a tradesman sites that you see.

I have a professional career. Men in suits do nothing for me. But a man who can put up a shelf is phoar! All my long term partners have been in trades (and are paid more than me lol). I don't equate jobs with intelligence as the OP has clearly stated she doesn't. I equate jobs with happiness. If a man's job makes them happy and they don't come home moaning and whinging about stress or colleagues then I find that attractive.

Well OP it sounds like your “type” is partially based on money, surely? What else is attractive about a man in a suit? So if money is important to you then obviously you’re not going to be happy with someone in a low-earning job. That is totally your right and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all. You’re trying to find a partner who is right for YOU.

Everyone has different preferences and it is not only acceptable but necessary that you are honest with yourself about them. In my case, I would reject both fitness instructors and businessy-type men in suits because I would expect both to be equally unlikely to share my interests, values and sense of humour. That will be an unfair judgement in some cases, but when it comes to tinder there just isn’t time to talk to every single person and see if your preconceptions are accurate.

Limpopobongo your post containing the phrase 'an arse licking, sniping culture of many an office' is a prime example of why a lot of professional women wouldn't want to date you. You're too narrow minded mate.

Hmmm I think it is important that you and any potential partner are on the same wave length, but you might be missing some true gems by being so picky. I worked as a cook in a commercial kitchen ( I have a degree) and the girl who worked for me was a defense lawyer who just wanted to cook. We had some amazing conversations and the guy who fried the chips was brilliant, very together and ambitious, had just bought his first house and was on his way to buying his next. He was privately educated but chose to follow his heart over his head. Cast your net wide, you will know after a few conversations if you want to cut them loose or meet up. Good luck.

If the rest of the profile appeals, it can't hurt to have a conversation. As others have said, qualifications and job title don't tell the whole story. I wouldn't have clicked on DH on a dating site, he was unemployed and has no post-16 qualifications, whereas I have postgrad qualifications, a professional job, and most of my friends have degrees as most of them are friends from school, university and work. DH wasn't focused on work in his teens, but learnt his industry from an entry-level job upwards and now has a job that makes the most of that knowledge. He's well-read and perfectly clever enough to do a degree, but missed the window at 18, it wasn't his parents' expectation in the same way that it was in my family, so he's built a career without.

I'd agree on running a mile from a PT though. I don't want to feel any guiltier about my ever-expanding arse than I already do.

Surely it's whatever does it for you?

Happily married now, but have always ended up with men who weren't mad about sports, had a professional career and loved theatre/reading etc.. I guess you tend to want to be friends/partners with similar people, nothing wrong with that.

Apply what ever (mental) filters you like to your Tinder search but bear in mind that these guys are doing the same! What do you do? I don't agree that people should be rated out of 10 but realistically, men that are 10's don't date women that are 5's and vice versa.

Although I think the poster that won't date anyone with less than a postgrad is pretty ridiculous... all my friends with postgrad degrees did so because they couldn't find a job after graduation. A lot of them still can't.

When I was OLD, I made a point to talk to men who had totally different careers from me - I worked in an office and I chatted to a swimming instructor, a paramedic and a tradesman. I like to learn about other people's experiences. In the end, I married an engineer who's heart is in the right place but can't do DIY to save his life. I often think of how much money I'd have saved marrying someone with a practical skill.

I don’t get the point in this post

Well done for having a preference on what you want in a man?

It’s fine to have filters when dating as long as you’re aware of how they limit you.
If I was dating now I’d have so many filters I probably wouldn’t get a date because I’m a very shallow person when it comes to men. Thankfully I’m happily married.

Limpopobongo your post containing the phrase 'an arse licking, sniping culture of many an office' is a prime example of why a lot of professional women wouldn't want to date you. You're too narrow minded mate.

Are you the spokesperson for "professional women" ,whoever they may be? Did i say i was on the dating scene ?

I dated a joiner, he was one of the most intelligent guys I've come across. Don't judge a book by its cover.

I've dated bankers, lawyers, accountants and many of them were dull as dish water.

I maybe generalising here but what I'm saying is you can't just assume someone who's a tradesman isn't as intelligent or as interesting as someone who wears a suit for work.

My job pays terribly. It's hardly what I would call professional. I'm an air stewardess, many would assume I'm a blonde bimbo. On the contrary, I'm intelligent and have many interests.

Also I never display what I do for a living in tinder as I just tend to invite those who wish to 'shag an air hostess' 🙄

What would you do if you started chatting to someone who made you laugh and was interesting then you found out they did a manual job?!

You shouldn't feel guilty about this or any other criteria. But if you're having trouble finding dates, then you should acknowledge those criteria are a big part of the problem.

Come to think of it, what if the person was unemployed/retired/didnt need to work/couldnt work due to disability?

I know an air stewardess. Shes incredibly stylish ,long haul BA you know !

Also you might not work because you are incredibly wealthy,, a bit like Prince Charles or the Duke of Westminster,, living off the backs of stolen land and charging their serfs tenancy fees.

I'm not sure it's fair to equate job title with intelligence quotient and thus desirability.

I myself am a lavatory attendant and have never felt it's held me back from flushing any pipes or pushing my plunger in, during working hours or otherwise.

Ew

I find a man in a suit with a high powered job attractive.

It's fine to want a man with money, just own it....and remember what plumbers earn.

Limpopobongo, for me, being a professional is about having the confidence to take on responsibilities. This is to me an attractive trait. Of course, you don't have to be a professional to be so, but few professionals remain so if they don't have that personality type.

I agree OP. It's not like you are choosing them for your salary which is what many do but for their drive and intelligence.

I couldn't date a man who didn't have a decent work ethic and able to hold a decent intelligent conversation.

I always though OLD was just for hook ups though, not long term relationships.

Of course you're entitled to like what you like, OP... but if your objective is to find an intellectually satisfying match, you may be ruling out some good men.

I've dated a doctor, a banker and an academic, all of whom turned out to be pretty dull. Yes, they had smarts enough to succeed in their chosen fields, but that's about it. There's a difference between raw intelligence and actual thoughtfulness. These men were pretty mentally lacklustre.

My most satisfying relationship was with a security guard. He was, and remains, the most well-read, passionate and insightful man I've ever met.

I just re-read my post and realised how arrogant it sounds! Obviously I respected my exes as diligent professionals, but they just didn’t turn me on mentally, IFYSWIM.

I am educated to degree level yet my partner who isn't and who earns less than me is much more intelligent!