Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend is not funny

41 replies

Febe123 · 29/06/2018 20:53

Been wth my boyfriend for over a year and we are expecting a baby. I had a strong desire to have a baby.I have sometimes felt like we don't completely click but couldn't put my finger on it. The more time I've spent with him I've become more relaxed with him and we get on ok but we don't have much of a laugh.
He doesn't make many jokes or make fun of people much and I am only funny when I can either bounce off someone or someone who is quieter but finds me funny.
It makes me feel like I have forgotten my own personality and only realise it again when we are occasionally around other people like his family who have a good sense of humour. I feel like a different person when I'm with my family or his family.

It also makes me think the baby might not have a shared sense of humour with me as it will have his dad genes.

If everything else is ok would you accept a relationship which doesn't bring out your humour that much?

OP posts:
Alittlelost1 · 29/06/2018 20:56

This would drive me insane. The one thing I have to have in a relationship is humour! If I’m not laughing most of the time, at them, at me or at us and our silliness, I would lose interest and quickly!

redcarbluecar · 29/06/2018 20:59

I don't know - I once ended a relationship for more or less that reason and didn't regret it. I think humour is an important part of rapport, which is necessary if you're going to really enjoy the time you spend with someone. When you say everything else is 'ok', I guess you need to think about whether the good outweighs the bad, and what else you're gaining from the relationship.

Sisgal · 29/06/2018 21:11

My partner and I really click humour wise, we are always having a laugh and a giggle together. I also agree with PP that humour is an important part of a relationship

AgentJohnson · 01/07/2018 05:18

WTAF! So after being with your bf for less than a year, you decided to have a baby and suddenly realised that he lacks a trait you find important.

Someone has got some growing up to do.

PintOfMineralWater · 01/07/2018 05:23

What initially attracted you to him if humour is so important to you?

qwertyuiopy · 01/07/2018 05:24

Please don’t start criticising your baby before they are even born Angry

FurryDice · 01/07/2018 05:39

he...doesn’t make fun of people much

I’d say that was a good thing! Blimey. Humour doesn’t have to come at the expense of others.

MyOtherProfile · 01/07/2018 05:44

FurryDice I agree. My dh doesn't make fun of people and I see it as a huge plus point.

So you aren't happy on the humour front but what about general conversation? Is he someone you can talk to easily and do you have good communication?

lecossaise · 01/07/2018 05:47

I definitely couldn't date someone who I didn't find funny and vice-versa, but a bit for that. If it helps, I find one of my parents much funnier than the other so hopefully baby will take after you?

lecossaise · 01/07/2018 05:48

*a bit late for that

Vitalogy · 01/07/2018 05:50

That's a tricky one. Oh dear, I need to laugh and have fun. I'm not sure I'd be happy with a partner like this. I hope you can find a way to reconcile with this. If not, best wishes with whatever you decide.

Monty27 · 01/07/2018 06:20

Been there. After 13 years and splitting up I got my own personality back. I have a great time laughing now.
Humour is essential to well being imho.
Take care op you don't sound fulfilled or happy. I see him socially and he is as miserable as ever if not even more so Grin
Congratulations though Smile

Anniegetyourgun · 01/07/2018 06:43

The baby may have its father's genes but it will also have the genes of the rest of his family, who you say have a good sense of humour, and will spend a lot of its early years learning from you, so I'd say it stands a good chance of being a bundle of fun. Like a pp, though, I wonder a bit about making fun of people being seen as a good thing. A little light teasing can be enjoyable between close friends/family, but it can also border on cruelty/bullying. Hopefully your partner doesn't do this because he's too nice rather than because he can't see the funny side of anything. Maybe, as you've only been with him a year or so, he hasn't fully blossomed in your company yet. His sense of humour may not be yours but it may be active enough. Or, of course, sadly, he could be merely a bit... dull. Some people just are.

Drchinnery · 01/07/2018 06:47

I think sense of humour is incredibly important, it's one of the few things me and my husband have in common. I definitely couldn't spend this much time with someone who didn't have one. But it's a bit late now maybe you should have realised that before Grin

Gruffalina72 · 01/07/2018 07:39

You said you feel like you've lost your own personality and feel like a different person with him to other people.

You sound very young. Do you want to spend the next however many decades of your life feeling like that?

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2018 07:42

I realise it's too late now but why would you have a baby with Alan you didn't even know?!

I don't think SOH is genetic is it? It's learned behaviour surely. Try not to worry about that

Hassled · 01/07/2018 07:43

"We get on OK but we don't have much of a laugh" - you're not exactly describing the romance of the century there, are you? Do you love him?

Re humour - there are so many different ideas of what constitutes funny in different families - DH's (perfectly nice) family think mercilessly taking the piss out of someone is hilarious, and the person plays along and laughs and then will do it to someone else. I just find that hideous. So maybe your humour just isn't his?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 01/07/2018 07:49

Yeah my ex was like this. It was a relief just to talk to other people. Plus he used to think my humour was sarcastic in a nasty way which it really never was and I would spend hours trying to explain myself.

It was wearing and stifling. Like you’re dampening your real self down all the time.

Fortunately DS is more like me and my family in that regard.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 01/07/2018 07:56

My kids all have my humour and I have much much more humour then my partner. Also more black humour. My partner does have humour but it only comes out when he’s fully relaxed and he has quite a stressful job that hinders.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2018 08:31

I have no idea if he's called Alan Blush

I meant "a man"

FizzyGreenWater · 01/07/2018 09:00

I agree.

Just because he's called Alan, no need to leap into having a baby with him- people always do though.

twattymctwatterson · 01/07/2018 09:13

It sounds like you've been so keen to have a baby that you've grabbed the first willing man and now you're realising there's no love there. Do you both a favour and end it before this little one comes along and has to witness a dis functional relationship

tigercub50 · 01/07/2018 09:24

DH makes me laugh every day, probably more than anyone else I know. I can be in pain!

MissHeLookedAtMe · 01/07/2018 10:32

Why do so many women try to craft a relationship and have babies with men they are just not compatible with?

And why do they only start to question these incompatibilities when they are pregnant?

Did you not realise this was his personality before you became pregnant?

You can just walk away from someone who isn't right for you. You don't have to have a baby with them! Confused

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2018 10:34

Alans can be funny too Sad

#alancanlaughtoo