DH annoyed with me for talking over him - how to fix this?

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So for a week or two, DH has been a bit 'off' with me. This has coincided with him being busy with work so I thought it was a bit of stress / tiredness, but I found out today that he's frustrated because apparently I talk over him all the time. He said there was a day recently where I didn't let him finish a single sentence (I don't remember this unfortunately).

I have noticed recently (over last few weeks) that if I even slightly overlap my words with his - for example, just saying something enthusiastically back to him in reply to what he's said, but in my mind I'm confirming what he just said and showing listening / enthusiasm - that he kind of sighs and gives up in a cross seeming kind of way and refuses to finish what he was saying. Or he makes a passive aggressive dismissive comment.

He also said today that he feels like I ask for his opinion, then don't listen to it, ask someone else's opinion and listen to that (and that they usually say the same thing he's said). I don't really know what he's talking about on this front. I remember one time recently ish when I had some work issue, talked to him about it, then talked to my best friend about it, then told him what she'd said he got narky that I'd talked to best friend.

He said he doesn't think I'm interested in anything he's saying or in his life, or in his opinion. This isn't true! Most of the time he seems too busy to be that interested in me (we never spend any time together just the two of us) - I probably have got in the bad habit of just talking to him about work or (terrible me) my feelings. It helps me to talk to him and work stuff out and he's a good sounding board, but he never seems to want to talk to me about his feelings at all, I'd love it if he did. He only said this stuff today because I pointed out the snippy cross thing he keeps doing when I (unintentionally) overlap my response with the end of what he's saying.

As I'm not really aware of talking over him (must do it unconsciously) I don't know how I'm going to fix it. Any suggestions?

We've been together about 17 years.

I can't agree with that; imagine if the boot were on the other foot and a woman would be told to suck it up because her husband 'finances her life'. No. A million times no.

OP should feel free to leave if she wants to, she has a right to her happiness and if this 'talking over' issue is symptomatic of deeper problems then she should consider what she wants her next steps to be and not be afraid to walk away if she wants to do that. Marriage isn't a right to put the other person in misery.

I'm sorry if the OP is hurt by the responses, I know that mine was based on 'talking over' aspect only.

I have a colleague who talks over me all the time. It’s disrespectful, rude and bloody annoying.

In managers’ meetings, it often gets overheated enthusiastic and the person running it never co-ordinates answers. One manager is fabulous with those who talk over him. He just tells them to let him finish and is very insistent that others wait. Works well!

One of the things that most annoyed me about my exh was how (over and over) I would suggest a solution to a problem we had and he would totally ignore me , even though it was, often, the most logical solution.

I'd try different ways of presenting the same solution , all ignored.

The it only took one other person to suggest ONCE the same idea as me and he'd be on it in a flash.

It was totally disrespectful and made me feel in almost equal measures, irrelevant / stupid / mad .

This behavior started at e very beginning of our relationship, his I wish " red flags" were around 30 years ago. ( 4 fantastic dcs aside. Obvs)

I bet if you asked my exh he'd say he was never like that and he "always listen to dizzy" when in reality we only did what I "wanted" when it also happened to be what he also wanted.

It is intriguing to hear this from the ",other side" and if I were you I would tread carefully,

The continuous "dizzy doesn't matter" was a big factor in my attitude to the divorce.

Sorry about lack of paragraphs, phone app looked FAB !

I do this to mine, it infuriates him. I do try not to, and he points it out each time. He's sort of used to it now after nearly 26 years.
We all do things that annoy one another.

I don't think you've posted enough to make assumptions about an ow or him being abusive.
But I must admit to wondering with the distance and the snippyness.
It's not conclusive though, but maybe just consider this.

My ex used to complain about this all the time too. I’m sure it was partly true as my family are all terrible interrupters and basically if you don’t interrupt at some point, you don’t get to speak. But my ex was also the type to speak in massive great long monologues that would go on for 20 or 30 minutes at a time, and he would demand total silence throughout. If I even said ‘yes that’s so true’ or ‘oh no that’s a shame’ in reaction to something he was saying, he would get stroppy and tell me off for interrupting him. If we were ever in the pub with mates he would dominate the entire conversation for hours at a time and I would just see people’s eyes glazing over! He was obsessed with getting to ‘finish his point’ and ‘find a conclusion’ even when he wasn’t even really sure what the conclusion was. It was maddening.

I must admit, my OH has pointed out that I do this to him. I hate the thought that I interrupt him, or anyone for that matter. I've got him to tell me if I do it. I notice that it tends to happen more when I'm feeling particularly relaxed/happy/excited (or if I've had a glass or two!) but I'm going to take on board some of the suggestions here.
Recording is a good idea.

Surely reactions like "yes that’s so true’ or ‘oh no that’s a shame’ in reaction to something** are acceptable, aren't they? Or maybe I need to reeducate myself about how to have a conversation

Sylvester, it might be fine, depends who you're with. Do they stop abruptly? Do they engage with your interruption? Do they look annoyed?

I don't like it myself, I don't give long speeches and I don't talk that much. If somebody continually interrupts me then I'll just walk away - or at home put headphones on. This after repeated requests not to interrupt me all the time.

Check with your audience.

LyingWitch yes I suppose (hope?) that's what it comes down to. And the pauses if that are any, from the speaker.

Are they decent pauses though, Sylvester? My husband (and mother) can interpret a breath-in as a cue to start talking, fast and furiously. I'm actually a woman of few words...

I'm sure it's fine; if people aren't getting fed up with you then it's fine. :)

Reactions like "yes that's true" or "uh huh" are just normal ways that show you are listening. I think it's more rude to show no indication whatsoever that you are listening to someone who is talking to you.

I don't do that, Snuggy but people always know that I'm listening... because I look like I am. I'm not looking over their shoulder, opening my mouth ready to speak or doing anything other than giving my rapt attention.

There are other ways of showing that you're listening other than your way.

Drives me nuts about MN (not you, Snuggy, just generally), some posters think that their way is the only way that's right and anything else either didn't happen or is just plain wrong.

Oh I certainly don't think it's the only way to show listening. I guess everyone has a different way but say looking away, no body language and total silence all at once would be awkward.

Watch out OP if he's entering the male menopause. Signs are getting grumpy about everything, feeling undervalued, low self esteem!

He also said today that he feels like I ask for his opinion, then don't listen to it, ask someone else's opinion and listen to that (and that they usually say the same thing he's said)

I think its sensible to get input from others and would be concerned if he thinks his word is final on matters.
I know men are supposed to offer solutions but women don't need to agree all the time.

Op, we give feedback due to our experiences, ex was abusive and it started like this, he was critical and demanded that every decision had to be his and he was easily offended.

Others might experience being interrupted so its an annoying for them.I do think ignoring someone who innocently interrupts or shows they are listening vocally is highly intolerant as we are all different.
You are unlikely to have got together if this trait was so annoying to him from the outset.Listen to your instinct, is he being more critical of you?

Agree with that, Snuggy. I find that lots of people think that they're listening, paying attention, but they aren't. It's very frustrating.

Talking over someone isn't the worst crime in the world. I know wuite a few people who do this because they're fairly extroverted, and enthusiastic about the conversation. Not just in what they want to say, but in encouraging the other person to keep talking. As an introvert I used to find this slightly off-putting, but it was fun people I wanted to be friends, with, and I learned to tell the difference between someone cutting me off to make it all about them, and someone interrupting to make 'tell me more!' noises. I'd generally much rather talk to an active listener than someone (like me!) who looks like they're listening but is daydreaming.
The way to work out whether people were listening is to see what they remember of the conversation. Mainly what they said, or what you (really) said too.
I dunno for sure OP, but if you're a bubbly, chatty person and your methods of communication haven't changed over the years then this seems less likely to be about you actuly being a poor communicator and is either about you and your husband having become somewhat disconnected and needing to prioritise each other's needs for a while, or perhaps it's the start of the script. Not enough information to know which.