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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help I'm being accused of child abuse !

69 replies

littlelegsmummy1991 · 27/06/2018 21:21

Hi so I don't even know where to start ! Iv been separated from my partner for about 3 years now. We have a son together, our son has always lived with me and the farther has had access to him (he is on the birth certificate) now visits started out on his terms, I decided this was not good for our son and made a parental agreement, now my son has been saying that he's not going to be living with me for much longer and he's going to be living with grandma now recently iv had a letter come through and my ex is taking me to court for full custody. He's rushed it through by saying I'm abusing our son !!! This is all false and iv never had a run in with social (which is another thing he's put on the paper work) due to a recent move I'm broke and can't afford a solicitor and have no choice but represent myself ! I'm scared I'm nerves are shot ! I'm a wreck and don't know what to expect. I'm mortified iv never even raised a hand to my children and this has hurt me so much!

OP posts:
Alibobbob · 29/06/2018 09:34

Sorry HappyintheHills I should have read the full thread and not just the update.

littlelegsmummy1991 · 29/06/2018 09:40

Did I put his name again Hmm sorry hadn't realised it's not there now so thank you guys xx

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 29/06/2018 10:03

I would advise writing a timeline for ease of understanding for the judge.

Decide what your legal arguments actually are. (Post that here). You are trying to but your arguments forward in way that is easy for the judge to understand.

Print out all your emails/texts to/from ex. Highlight relevant information on emails etc.

I've been dragged through the French courts endlessly for a decade so can't tell you the specifics for the UK but can help with the arguments.

So....

Print out your dossier of emails with your timeline. Probably copy for his lawyer, copy for the judge your copy.

Put the emails in order. Write a historical synopsis of what happened when.

Highlight only your copy. Copy the relevant parts onto a cover sheet for each email so when you read your statement you have supporting evidence without having to trawl back at forth through your emails. Be succinct.

This should build your case. Don't forget to include that ex mil regularly let herself into your house and went through your things. That ex mil is trying to get custody for her. That agreements have been reached then immediately discarded.

So for eg my lawyer was arguing that ex was only interested in attacking me and not actually interested in the DCs. And that he is a professional victim. So she read out all the parts of the emails that supported that.

Then it was ex's turn. He proceeded to attack me, not talk about the children etc and proved her point.

Anyway I hope that helps. Good luck. I'm not sure about witness statements. They're big here but maybe not in the UK.

LimboLuna · 29/06/2018 10:34

God this is EXACTLY why we needed legal aid in the first place. It makes me so cross, OP I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

I had to self represent recently (completely different type of case) so what i did was make up a clear fronted folder (one for me with extra notes, one for the judges, one for the other side). First page was the time line, each item on the timeline was colour co-ordinated to tabs down the side that had the supporting documents. It meant everyone had a copy and it was easy to make sense of without knowing the case. It also meant it was easy to flick between the timeline and document.
I also wrote my own opening statement, i know its hard and mine wasn't an emotional case like this but try to keep the emotion to one side and just keep it as factual as possible and without as much waffle.

My case the first hearing was just opening the case and then they set the date to get it all underway. I don't know if that will be the same for you, but i would think it would be to open the case and get the reports underway. So although i went prepared there wasn't anything i needed to do on the first one other than stand in front of the judge and swear on the oath . So be prepared in case, but theres a chance you won't need it on tuesday. I also dressed in my smartest clothes so i felt the part... i don't think it makes any difference other than mentally!! You may be hanging around a while depending how busy they are, so take change for the crap tea machine and something to read

Good luck OP, its hard when you 'know' your right but theres still that element of worry. Spending time preparing the paperwork (they were a thing of beauty by the end!) meant it felt like i was doing something even though i couldn't really do anything IYKWIM.

Wallywobbles · 29/06/2018 11:33

Perhaps someone can clarify the order. I think as the defendant you will go after (him and) his lawyer.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 29/06/2018 11:41

I very much agree with LimboLuna. When I had to go to court representing myself (on a completely different matter) I found getting all my evidence together in order and colour coordinating under tabs so I could navigate it quickly and transparently, a great help. I went into court knowing I was as prepared as I was going to get. And yes, the courts make a point of being fair if you're not being represented.

Good luck, Littlelegs.

0ccamsRazor · 29/06/2018 13:48

From now in Op keep ALL communication with your ex and any of his family to email only. If he wishes to talk to you at contact times or he phones you, tell him to email you.

Emails can be used as legal documents so keep all emails, back them up on a storage device and keep hardcopy printouts.

Any text messages that you can use as 'evidence' screen shot and email to yourself and print out.

Keep a record of everything so that you can show ss and cafcass.

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/06/2018 19:24

I am happy to look at the order if the OP wishes me to. I am very familiar with these proceedings, indeed just finished my own today (self repping). OP, I have PM'd you also. Am more than happy to help if I can!

littlelegsmummy1991 · 29/06/2018 23:16

Wallwabbles, iv saved you message as a pdf so I can come back to it tomorrow and prepare everything.
I feel even if it don't get used it shows I have an argument and that iv got the evidence and pre pared.

My DP has been suspended because of this so it's now starting to affect family life too, I have to stop this and Tuesday can not come quick enough !!

I will be making sure that from the stress and the people they are dragging down in this that they are sorry for it. They are not going to stop until iv lost everything. So I'm taking a stand and unlike them I'm not going to have to have to lie and I can put my hand on the bible and say I'm telling the truth. They will not take my family down to get what they want it's simply cannot happen. So I'm going to go in that court and show them that yes I'm not made of money and that yes I may not turn up for school on time every morning but I'm a mum and im there for the best well interest of my son, iv played mr nice guy for to long and iv been my EXMILs door mat for far to long !
I honestly can't thank all of you enough for you messages of support and advise it was the fire I needed to take with me because I had lost my fight but now thanks to you guys I see that is just not an option! So thank you hugely ! Bear

OP posts:
Alibobbob · 07/07/2018 22:17

How did it go, any update? We have been thinking of you x

Emma198 · 07/07/2018 22:20

Happened to a friend, Dad was found to be lying and judge removed all access from him. Not before he'd had the kids for months though without them seeing their Mum. Bloody awful.

littlelegsmummy1991 · 08/07/2018 00:17

Hi guys sorry iv not kept you updated.

So the hearing went really well.

The judge hated me at first as she believed the allegations on the paper. She asked me if I had anything to say for myself.

I told her that the applicant has fabricated lies and it's untrue and that I have only ever had one phone call from social. I had all my evidence ready and the judge asked the father the same do you have your evidence and whiteness statement they said no and need time to prepare (requested two weeks)

His solicitor asked for a promise to be put in place by the court stating dad would return my DS to me if he was still to visit. The judge gave him plenty of chances to think about what he was doing say "are you happy to sign this with the allegations" dad agreed. Confusing the judge more.

The judge has ordered a full caffcass report in order to find out what's going on. So iv now got my full two weeks to prepare and make sure everythings out and on paper, ready to give to caffcass.

So now I'm perfecting my statement making notes of everything I need to get out to caffcass getting all video footage I have on to pen drives and everything.

So touch wood all is going well. Iv just got to keep my head and wits about me. It's going to be a long road but there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Not much more to report at the moment and the next hearing won't be until September. But I will keep you all posted as much as possible thank you for all your support I couldn't do it without all of you !

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 08/07/2018 05:21

Wow, Littlelegs! Three cheers for you! Such good news. Thank you so much for the update. All your supporters will be thrilled.

Once you have all your evidence laid out, nothing will stop you. And you've got two whole weeks.

Alibobbob · 08/07/2018 06:27

Well done, that can’t have been easy.

Mxyzptlk · 08/07/2018 13:22

That's fantastic news!
Your ex will have no evidence and will show himself to have been lying.

Emmywrena · 08/07/2018 13:48

I don’t know how old your son is but without proof of this abuse he mentions nothing can happen. Social services can only be involved if there is a risk to the child. Explain that his being spiteful and you have no reason for their support. Let them do there “ investigation” and keep calm and try and remove your emotions from this as it’s now a fight with him.dont allow him to do this to you. Bring up everything you feel that could help you in this case.

Jux · 08/07/2018 14:08

Well done, Littlelegs, you sound like you've really got the process and your needs sorted.

I hope MrsC is OK, too.

Wallywobbles · 08/07/2018 22:06

Good so far. Will you have the same judge? Don't forget he's got 2 weeks to fabricate a bunch of shit so be ready for anything. Mine accused me of doing drugs so I had blood tests to show bullshit. I had witness statements from people (a lot of them in my case). There should be a proper legal form for witness statements I would imagine.

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