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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help I'm being accused of child abuse !

69 replies

littlelegsmummy1991 · 27/06/2018 21:21

Hi so I don't even know where to start ! Iv been separated from my partner for about 3 years now. We have a son together, our son has always lived with me and the farther has had access to him (he is on the birth certificate) now visits started out on his terms, I decided this was not good for our son and made a parental agreement, now my son has been saying that he's not going to be living with me for much longer and he's going to be living with grandma now recently iv had a letter come through and my ex is taking me to court for full custody. He's rushed it through by saying I'm abusing our son !!! This is all false and iv never had a run in with social (which is another thing he's put on the paper work) due to a recent move I'm broke and can't afford a solicitor and have no choice but represent myself ! I'm scared I'm nerves are shot ! I'm a wreck and don't know what to expect. I'm mortified iv never even raised a hand to my children and this has hurt me so much!

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 27/06/2018 23:21

You absolutely DO NOT have to have a meeting with him and his solicitor. Who told you that? Please don't do that. Let the court deal with it. I am really happy that you feel better...please feel free to PM me if you need any help. I had an awful lot of support here on Mumsnet from some wonderful ladies who have become lifelong friends. They gave me the courage and support to do what I have. So I am happy to pay forward! Good luck Flowers

PS : Do update your thread because these are so useful for others in similar situations, I can't reiterate that enough. Hopefully MNHQ will have moved it by the morning and you may get more replies from others who have been through this.

Original poster
littlelegsmummy1991 · 27/06/2018 23:22

Also thank you for pointing out I had mentioned my sons name before the MNHQ have changed it for me and iv had to google what DS stands for hahaha I'm still so new to this. Blush

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 27/06/2018 23:26

Also, before you ask for supervised...you probably won't get that if your son has been seeing his dad regularly and has EOW currently. There are welfare concerns with regards to grandparents certainly, but that is something you will have to deal with via Cafcass. Also, supervised is for the shortest time possible so 12 months is unlikely under these circumstances. At this time, all you have to do is set our the current arrangement, whether or not you're happy with it, you can say that you have concerns about the behaviour of grandparents and girlfriend but that is down to Cafcass to assess. As I said earlier, make sure you write a full timeline of events so you are clear. If you get in touch with me before your first Cafcass meeting (the first is likely to be on phone with follow up longer meeting at home) then I can tell you how that works. There are very mixed views on Cafcass, here particularly, some people have had awful experiences. My officer has been fantastic and very fair. So please get some sleep and know that you've done all the right things and that this will hopefully bring you some peace eventually!

Alibobbob · 27/06/2018 23:44

I would be taking photos of the house, my son’s bed, his toys to prove what they say is wrong. I would also ask the school for a written statement. I think you may have to put it into evidence first. I have no idea - I would suggest you contact the CAB and ask them for some urgent advice, help and support.

Good luck, please let us know how you get on.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/06/2018 23:47

Alibobbob, yes I agree under circumstances that's a good idea.

Original poster
littlelegsmummy1991 · 28/06/2018 08:01

CAB iv already been to see for advise they wasn't much help and were more shocked about the allegations than anything. And gave me a list of solicitors that I can't afford at the moment. I will be taking photos. The concerns with this is the grandmother used to let her self into my old property on a regular basis. If I was in or not and could of done anything in the house whilst I was away. One day in particular I was sorting the boys room out and chucking broken toys they had so many and Christmas and birthdays were coming up. I needed space so I bagged a load of them up ready to be thrown. But I then had a family emergency that I had to leave for and go home (3 hours away) she had been to the house whilst I was away and could of done anything at this point ! But I will be making sure to put all this down and making sure the judge knows of this. I will definitely keep the thread posted.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 28/06/2018 09:31

Also remember, if his father/grandmother etc were SO concerned about DS's safety in your care, they would have approached the Police and Social Services at a minimum. It appears they haven't. It's all very well making groundless allegations to support your cause, you HAVE to be able to provide evidence.

Make sure you get that statement from the school before Tuesday and reiterate the urgency to them.

CardinalSin · 28/06/2018 09:54

I don't have much to offer here, but the one thing I would advise is to have everything in writing, and have multiple copies of everything as well. This means that a) you don't forget what you were going to say, b) that you can pass it to the judge or whomever, and c) that it cannot go "missing" if it goes to the other party (make sure you keep the originals).

Best of luck.

AlwaysSleepy1 · 28/06/2018 22:10

OP have you had a letter from the court yet? is this just a directions hearing? sorry if you've already said and I've missed it...

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/06/2018 22:20

The advice you can get on Mumsnet on how to deal with scary exes and legal threats is superb. So many of the regular posters on the Relationships board have been through the same sort of thing themselves. Good luck, Liitlelegs.

StaplesCorner · 28/06/2018 22:48

When I volunteered at the CAB in a similar case last year, we got the paperwork from the client (so that would be you), rung the court and asked for an adjournment pending legal advice. At the time it was too close to the court date to adjourn so the clerk notated the paperwork for the magistrates to say that the client was appearing without legal representation but that the CAB were supporting and ask for a new date to be set when the client appeared in person.

The CAB then arranged a free interview with a solicitor to at least get things in order, an appointment was made on the spot the client given the interview card and directions how to get there.

Its a real shame if your local CAB have not offered this level of support.

springydaff · 28/06/2018 23:05

Hi op. Sorry you're going through this nightmare Flowers

Get in touch with Rights for Women to get free legal advice and support.

Also contact your local Women's Aid asap.

Good luck sweetheart xx

rainingcatsanddog · 28/06/2018 23:10

Somebody made a malicious allegation of abuse by reporting my ex and I to SS.

I was shit scared when I received the letter informing me of their arrival and devastated that someone could make shit up. SS said that a good proportion of allegations are malicious and it didn't take long for them to work out that my son wasn't being abused. For example, the person said that my ds has always got bruising around his face but school said they'd never seen this. He'd been at the school 4 years and never seen him come up looking like he'd been beaten around the face.

What I'm trying to say is if he goes down the road of calling SS, don't worry. Show them round your home, answer any questions and engage with their process. You haven't done anything wrong so have nothing to fear from them.

Thanks
TheFormidableMrsC · 28/06/2018 23:30

@StaplesCorner it is so hit and miss with the CAB isn't it? I got some excellent advice and support from them when my ex left but I know children's matters can be difficult to get the right advice. How you describe is a brilliant example of when it works so well.

@springydaff Waves, hope you're well!

Hope you are feeling a bit calmer tonight OP Flowers

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 29/06/2018 00:34

Social services know all about malicious reports. A friend of mine's Ex reported her so often that they actually stuck a Post-it on the file reminding social workers to ignore reports from the DF as all of his were false.

WellThisIsShit · 29/06/2018 00:57

Prepare as much as you can, and listen to good advice (like some of the posts on here!)... and most of all, don’t panic.

Remember that all these experts are used to people trying to manipulate the system, and it’s not quite as easy to pull the wool over their eyes as your ex might believe.

Flowers
Lucked · 29/06/2018 01:07

How old is your child?

If young you could ask the health visitor to visit or speak to nursery or school so they all have a heads up.

Original poster
littlelegsmummy1991 · 29/06/2018 07:51

My son is 5

Iv been put on to the transparency team who will be able to pull any files social have, they told me not to worry because if social haven't been round to see me or my son then they have nothing on me.

The school are aware and the family care worker is going to be talking to my DS to make sure he's okay in all this and it don't affect him.

And yes I agree some of the information provided by the lovely mums on here has been a huge a help, iv been able to sleep at night !

It's getting closer and i just want this first hearing out the way so I know what's to come.

OP posts:
HappyintheHills · 29/06/2018 08:01

Sons name again OP?

Shambu · 29/06/2018 08:12

Have you searched for a free legal advice clinic in your area?

Alibobbob · 29/06/2018 09:09

HappyintheHills why do you want to know her son’s name?

littlelegsmummy1991 I am glad you are able to sleep again. When I had to go to court ex’s relatives/nobody other than the legal team was in court. My/his relatives had to wait outside. Also he got a bollocking from the judge for being an arse.

Good luck

NewStartNow · 29/06/2018 09:15

Hi. Please don't worry. My ex (who came across as super charming) had the rest of the world fooled but not Cafcass. He also made false allegations against me.
Visit the justice.gov. Website which goes into great detail about what will happen in court. Don't worry about representation, they're very kind to people self representing. Stay calm and couch everything in the best interest of your child. If your ex starts badmouthing you it will not go down well with the cafcass officer or court. Best wishes

StUmbrageinSkelt · 29/06/2018 09:17

Happy she's named her son again in the previous post.

Reported it for you, OP

HappyintheHills · 29/06/2018 09:18

Alibobbob I don’t - I was pointing out that she seems to have mentioned it, as she did upthread, and may want to ask MNHQ to edit it.

GruffaIo · 29/06/2018 09:30

OP, what about asking the Personal Support Unit for help? They're free and, whilst they're not legally trained, they can help familiarise you with the particular process you've facing, help you complete paperwork, and help you represent your own case as well as possible (including articulating your arguments clearly, and even attending court with you). Here's a link: www.thepsu.org/get-help/how-we-help/

They're court-based, but have quite a few locations, so hopefully there's one nearby.

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