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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is Sexting cheating for you?

60 replies

Schhemz · 26/06/2018 13:10

Hi Ladies,

A little advice needed. I can answer my own question very easily but would like some other opinions.

Is Sexting cheating?

My situation is that I have been with my BF for 4 years. 12 months ago I caught him sexting another woman after I had an ectopic pregnancy and I was in hospital. It was only intuition that told me something was up so yes I snooped and found what I needed to. We live together so I left for a couple of weeks and when I went back I somehow managed to find forgiveness. I am a believer that we all make mistakes. Its taken 12 months to really get through it all but the last 12 months have not been bad for either of us.

Fast forward to a month ago and I my phone battery had died and I needed to check the time. As I clicked on his phone 4 messages flashed up with a womans face. It was general chit chat about the weather etc but only messages for her. He had deleted the message thread. When I asked him who it was he said he didnt know who it was and said "looks theres no previous message history and the number isnt saved" He even went as far as texting her to say who is this after I told him to. 30 minutes later he told the truth. He said its a friend and they just chit chat which honestly I am fine with. He said he had deleted the messages because he wanted to cut the friendship with her.

So I said ok, you know what it seems you are treating me as a fool. I want us to take a couple of weeks and really think about what we both want out of this relationship because even if she was just a friend you lied to my face and of course after last year this just brings up a big fat red flag again.

As I said we live together so I tool the other room for a couple of weeks and said to him lets talk in a couple of weeks for now I need some alone time.
Well you know what he did? Instead of taking sometime he registered on several dating apps. I only found this out because he left his google account signed into my laptop and his whole phone search history was there infront of my face.

I confronted him of course. He told me that it was all my fault and that he needed entertainment as I had pushed him away.

A few days later he broke down and told me he was so so sorry and he couldnt continue like this. He wants to get married, try for kids and this will never happen again.

I am stil at the house but we are more apart than ever. I have told him the only hope he has with me now is to go to therapy. He refuses and tells me no. He says people that go to therapy are either sick or have an addiction. I told him I think hes a little of both.

So were at a head, He wont go to therapy and I wont even listed to his sorry excuses until he does.

Of course im going to tell you the normal lines of he is really a good guy and im quite shocked at all this and I love him etc etc...
What do you think? Could you accept this?

OP posts:
callywags · 01/07/2018 07:55

Proud of you OP
Well done!
Now live your life knowing that you did not settle for an asshat.
You deserve so much more from a partner.
Wishing you all the best with your new life, you are amazing x

confusedscared2018 · 01/07/2018 09:46

He's dangling marriage and children as a carrot to you so you don't end it. He will still do this whether you're married, engaged or whatever status you choose. He's been caught enough times. Once is a mistake but this many times suggests he either can't or won't stop. As he won't go to therapy I'd say it's because he doesn't want to stop and doesn't see much wrong in doing this

Niceviews · 01/07/2018 13:08

Yes I agree about the dangling carrot. I always made it clear to him from the beginning its what I wanted but for him it was never the right time.

He has just arrived back to the house we shared after him camping trip to find me gone.

Of course I have just received all of the guilt messages that he cant believe I've gone after everything and he thought I would only take some of my stuff but I took all my things.

For some reason the guilt is getting at me but its because I have a big heart and dont want to see him suffer

He jeopardized our relationship, he said thats its very sad we have ended like this. Well he should of thought about "how it would end" when he was doing what he was doing.
He really lost a queen

callywags · 01/07/2018 13:11

That's it
"He lost a Queen"
Fucking right he did, and he knows it.
All we can hope for is that he takes this and treats his next partner better.
You are ace OP don't listen to his messages

trojanpony · 01/07/2018 13:13

Fantastic and well done you.

I’m delighted by this update.

With regards to not wanting to see him suffer please remember he was perfectly happy for you to suffer. While vulnerable. In hospital. Miscarrying your child.

You owe him nothing l, and you should put yourself first. Nothing you are doing is in any way actively “cruel” or selfish to him in the way he did things to you.

Niceviews · 01/07/2018 21:43

@trojanpony thank you. You are 100% correct.

Your words habe just made all the guilt disappear! "please remember he was perfectly happy for you to suffer. While vulnerable. In hospital. Miscarrying your child"

Big love x

hellsbellsmelons · 03/07/2018 11:24

Good update OP.
He does not deserve you.
It really is that simple.
I hope it all works out for you, but for now, just look after yourself.

FairyFace · 03/07/2018 15:01

Run! What sort of cunt sexts another woman whilst his missus is in hospital after an ectopic pregnancy. ifyou get married and have kids you wont be an independent woman that you are now , you'll be bogged down with his bills debts and trying to look after kids too

heatwave2018 · 03/07/2018 15:18

That’s awful behaviour! You are in hospital and he does that? You should get rid ASAP!

Niceviews · 21/07/2018 13:07

Lifes good ladies and gents.

If you are ever in my situation, take everyone's advice above and run! Its actually pretty cool being single. Its under rated lol.

Love to all x

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