Are all men selfish or just mine...

[mrsflems1]

Long rant alert, but I’m at the end of my tether with my husband and his selfish inconsiderate behaviour.

He works hard... yes.... but so the hell do I bringing in the same income. We have 2 boys, I work 4 days a week and also have my own business as well doing freelance PA work, I do everything for the boys and in the house and tonight he has tipped me over the edge.

He has been working constantly lately building a house for a friend, so late nights and every weekend for weeks. He finally finished the job yesterday and I thought we would get some normality back and could actually sit down to eat a meal together. He wasn’t in ten minutes yesterday and went to our friends house as he needed a drill, he was gone for over 3 hours. Today I made a lovely dinner and he was taking our friends son home as I was cooking the meal, I told him not to be long as it would be ready in 5 minutes. An hour later he came in, kids and I had already had our dinner and I had put his in the bin.

He thinks he’s perfectly entitled to come and go as he pleases and doesn’t think of anyone else. However on raising it when he came back I’m crazy and everything that’s wrong is down to my mental health.

I’m so angry and upset, I just feel so taken for granted but he can’t see when he does anything wrong - he’s always the victim! Still a mummy’s boy at 37 years old!

He comes home from work every night to a home cooked meal on the table, I never ask him to chip in with washing, ironing, cleaning etc.

And you are blaming his mother?

OP, you have set up a completely fifties style family arrangement with the added bonus that you are a breadwinner too, then you are surprised that he is also acting in character?

I had a selfish boyfriend once, but we didn't get on because I am also selfish.

My husband can well be selfish and cruel but if I talk to him about it, he grovels a bit, learns a bit and improves a bit.

Yes I would LOVE for him to magically become insightful and actually bloody do things of his own accord but he won’t.

He does enough though, he jusd needs guidance

My husband never grovels, he’s always in the right I’m always in the wrong!

Last night I tried to tell him how I feel and he started ranting, playing the victim and asked what he had done to deserve this!

Today I feel like taking the kids and leaving - it doesn’t matter what I do he will never see things from my point of view.

I feel lost this morning!

Oh op that's a horrible feeling to have. I can imagine why you go though.

It's a horrible moment when you realise that, by a thousand tiny actions and events, you've ended up in a massive problem. Death by a thousand cuts sort of thing.

I don't know what to suggest to you to be honest because he sounds like a bully to me. Won't listen, never wrong, blaming you, ranting etc. Not good.

I tell you what though, his dinner wouldn't be on the table ever again. If he had to do it himself he might realise how much effort it takes and how utterly disheartening it is when it's taken for granted.

I think you need couple's counselling .

he sounds awful

We all want to think of ourselves as nice people, so when people criticise us we often get defensive. If we've done something a bit stupid we often look for an explanation that makes us look less stupid, or we reinterpret events so that our actions are absolutely fine. Especially if we already feel a bit stupid ourselves, and want to hide it from others. Your husband is in denial. Seeing things from your point of view would mean admitting that he's been a shit. Doesn't sound like he is mature or confident enough to do that.

In which case you may as well stop banging your head against the wall trying to make him see things differently.

Sometimes, a shock to the system such as your wife wanting to leave can knock you out of denial and into a more genuine soul-searching, but I wouldn't count on it.