How would you interpret this comment?

[Mytwistedimagination]

I have wanted you at least as much as I ever wanted her.
While talking about the skank that he cheated on me with after 7 years of us being together. (Who knew we were together.) My point was that in order for him to cheat so easily, he must have wanted her a great deal more than me. That was his reply. What would you take it to mean, in that context?

Are you supposed to be grateful for that comparison? He is throwing you the smallest crumb of appreciation he thinks he can get away with. He was no more "poached" than a boiled egg, he at the very least chose to go along with it at every stage. Or more likely, was actively encouraging her. He may be a convincing liar, but unfortunately, I think he doesn't actually care if he treats you in unkind and hurtful ways. He cares about himself only. He reminds me of someone I once knew who turned out to be similar under the veneer. Constant put-downs were a warning sign.

Sorry you’ve been through this op, but you’re here for us to try and hear you justify why you’ve stayed with someone who cheated on you, chose someone else and then went back to you becasue he know you would take him back? And you believe it was all her who started it - becasue he told you so? Yes, I suppose you should trust a lying cheater, he is your husband afterall.

OP - I wish you the best of luck - you are making a choice to stay with him and every time an argument happens - I guarantee you will bring up the whole ‘you cheated’ line. And you’ll never trust him going out alone ever again.

"wanted her" isnt quite the same as basic sexual desire. There is "wanting" in its fullest sense, then there is just a shag which at its most limited level is just an act of sexual relief.

Skank? Seriously? Skank?

wanted her" isnt quite the same as basic sexual desire. There is "wanting" in its fullest sense, then there is just a shag which at its most limited level is just an act of sexual relief.

But why couldn't he have had the 'sexual relief' from his partner, if that's all it was?

There has to be more than that, surely?

Just fancied a different cunt as a dear ex once said to me. A different one.

Namechangedname

I hear what you are saying. I will says this though, I appreciate that this forum is known as mumsnet talk and therefore one assumes that the vast majority of posters are females. There are some male posters though and this can assist greatly because men can share the male point of view, the male thought patterns, our take on things in general. What i do find sometimes is that men may give views and then almost be attacked for doing so.

Nevertheless what i will say that it is never acceptable to cheat on your partner but then even the most committed partner may falter when faced with great temptation. It happens with women as well..

Its nothing to be proud of and often precipitates great unhappiness, anxiety and guilt in the offending partner.

All your posts seem to be directed at her. And some small note saying what he’s done is worse.
Who knows what he told her. Who knows how he behaved with her. Who knows how he lies he spun to her and you.
He clearly doesn’t have much respect for you one way or another. Which is the saddest part in all of this. For you.

Maybe it’s bothering you because his words place her as the primary person he ‘wanted’, against whom the amount he wanted you is measured?

Some folk are very literal and somehow don't have it in them to sugar-coat what they say when they are in the shit and really should watch their words. He may be one of those people. I like those sorts of people - I know where I stand with them.

Thing is, sounds like you don't find that quality very appealing, and why should you? You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe.

You don't have to do this anymore you know. You can end it. I know you say you'll never find anyone who just loves you... I put it to you that as long as he's in your life, you're basically guaranteeing that you'll never have a chance at easy, happy love.

Don't focus on her op. Look at him. Maybe it's better to be alone than to have to post threads like this, where you ask strangers to help you deal with what he says to you.

It doesn't have to be this way.