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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anyone else love being a single mum?!

67 replies

Felicityx01 · 23/06/2018 19:08

Hi all,

Thought I'd post a positive thread on here for once I have been single throughout my pregnancy and DS is now 6 months old and love very second of it, there has been some challenges along the way but wouldn't change it for the world, I love spending my nights in with my son watch t.v. rather than going out, I love just focusing on myself and my son! If i got into a relationship id feel it be a chore! Anyone else love being a single mum aswell? Love to hear your positive stories

OP posts:

AlwaysSunshine81 · 18/12/2018 21:41

This fab! I am beginning to enjoy being on my own. My husband walked out nearly 2 years ago. I met someone else quite soon after splitting up with him and was with that bloke for nearly a year but we split up November. I was trying so hard after that to try and find someone else but actually I don’t want to! I enjoy being a mum to my 3 kids and having no one else to answer to, my house is my house although I rent. I work and have managed to change jobs to a job I really enjoy.
Ex husband moved in with another woman after 10 months and still wants to get back together now and tells me how unhappy he is. I just need to remind myself I am happy on my own! C

CandyCreeper · 18/12/2018 22:03

I think you are an exception. Perhaps with one child it's manageable. Don't think you would be saying the same thing if you had more than one DC and no family support.

Very much agree!

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/12/2018 22:07

I've never known any different, ex walked out when Dd was 6 weeks old, he's never bothered since and she's now 17.
I didn't want to parent alone, but rather this way than with a horrid ex.

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/12/2018 22:08

7 years for me..

Logistically and financially it's tougher but best decision i ever made.

Made me a better mum being able to focus on my daughter and her happiness without spending my time 'firefighting' in an awful relationship.

Sex and companionship would be great eventually but anywhere near the priority list at the moment.

Great thread op, hope this inspires people in shitty relationships that actually it's not the negative people make it out to be.

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/12/2018 22:10

*nowhere near the priority list

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 18/12/2018 22:19

Single mum to a 14 yo DS here, so far for 6 years.

Yes it's a juggle and it's hard especially when you hear people moaning about the trivialities of life when before even getting to work I've done more than friends and colleagues do in a week. 😂

I'm so proud of my boy, he went through hell and back and he's an absolutely amazing young man now apart from being a bit lazy.

Everyone we know comments on our relationship and how strong it is.

And we're having the best Christmas so far, cozy TV dinners and Christmas films, crazy decorations (our house is like Vegas 😂😂), friends round for parties, dinners and sleepovers.

It took a while to get back into the Christmas spirit but then I realised I only have a few left (alternate years) so I needed to push the boat out this year.

Im having a blast.

Huge hugs to you all

Naveloranges · 18/12/2018 22:34

I’ve been on my own with my dd since she was 2- she’s now 17. We have a great relationship and I never feel like I’m missing out. I worked really hard for a few years after the initial break up to ensure she had a good bond with her father. I have a great career and all in all we are very happy. She’s so bright, independent, ambitious and just an absolute delight. I’m very lucky.

Heidi3333 · 19/12/2018 00:40

Hi I'm a v single mum with no Daddy/man in the picture at all as my DD was conceived with donor sorry! I love having no one to answer toot argue with and that I'm wholly responsible for her and make all the decisions. I don't feel I've missed out on anything by doing it alone although I do have a v helpful family who do a lot of baby sitting - couldn't have managed without them.

I'm planning baby no 2 and I'd much rather do it again on my own than with a man tbh!

bibliomania · 19/12/2018 09:47

Perhaps with one child it's manageable

To be fair, this applies to me, and I'm sure it would be harder with multiple children. I'm certainly not intending to dismiss the reality of anyone who is finding it difficult. But it's worth saying that all these positive posts reflect another reality, less often told. Single parent families can be really joyful experiences, and you don't hear that very often.

Tigerburningbright · 14/10/2019 05:06

Well, I never wanted to be a single mum, but since me and my Ex split up due to his violent behaviour and drug use when I was 6 months pregnant, I had some time to get used to it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have another person here now. I can relate to what people are saying about not having to tidy up after anyone but yourself, answer to anyone but yourself and things like that. It does make life more simple and stress free. I miss having someone to share the joys of motherhood with, as she hits her milestones etc (praise God she is doing all these things!) and I miss the closeness of snuggling in bed with someone I love. I had to keep my daughter and myself safe though, so this was the only option I had. Relationships between people are going to have their challenges and I'm pretty sure I won't be finding anyone new, much of that is to do with trust. I'm sure I'll cope as a single mum but still wondering what life would have been like if things were different... curious really to be honest. Don't think I'll ever be able to trust a significant other enough to let one into my life again though.

Siablue · 14/10/2019 07:52

This is lovely. It is nice to hear so many positive stories. I have just left an abusive relationship and I am really sad that my ex’s horrible behaviour spoiled my pregnancy and my baby’s first year of life.
I love my baby so much and enjoy being a mum. I love all the funny little things he does and his personality is stating to come out now he loves babbling away. I am starting to see that we have so many happy times ahead.
I did everything for him anyway(which was a great pleasure). But my ex was so much harder work than looking after a baby and caring for DS is much easier now that I don’t have to follow any of his stupid rules.
I don’t think I would ever want another relationship. I can’t imagine ever feeling safe enough to do so. I would love to have another child one day though.

litterbird · 14/10/2019 09:23

I loved it, I was a single mum from when she was 3, she’s now 21. She’s my best friend. There were challenges along the way but I wouldn’t have changed my circumstances at all. The house was calm, happy and we lived in harmony (until she was between 14 and 15 😂)!

Frith2013 · 14/10/2019 10:37

I’ve been a single parent to 2 since 2005 - the ex would see them intermittently but not at all for 2 years now. No maintenance ever paid, which would be my only gripe!

It’s not stopped us doing anything - travelling across Europe, usual DIY, allotment etc.

BeenThereDone · 14/10/2019 16:27

Exh always made me feel inadequate and undermined everything I did as a mother. From what they had for breakfast (no sugary cereals etc) to homework, how they should behave... They could disrespect me and he would find it funny but as soon as they did the same to him, he turned nasty and blamed me.

Anyway, I left along time ago and raised them on my own since. They are respectful, educated young men now, making their way in the world, albeit still with me.
I found when I left I was actually a good mother and love/loved every second of it. It was hard but so worth it.
For the record, they don't see their father and rarely speak to him

pointythings · 14/10/2019 17:07

I've been a single mum for 18 months now in the purest sense of the word - but in practice I was a single mum long before that, I just happened to have an alcoholic husband to look after as well.

My DDs were 14 and 16 when I made him leave and we have honestly never been happier than we are now, without him. He used to be great before the drink got to him, but honestly, no dad is better than an alcoholic non-functioning dad. It's been hard at times, but I wouldn't go back.

CodyBurns · 14/10/2019 20:17

Single mum here waves

It's been a tough year but I can honestly say that I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Yes there are worries about the future (mostly financial ones) but it's honestly not been anywhere near as difficult as I thought it would be.

carlywurly · 14/10/2019 20:59

I can honestly say the thought of being a lone parent would have been my idea of sheer hell a decade ago. The reality is a calm, organised, happy home and 2 lovely, adaptable happy dcs.

They do still see their dad and there's no financial stress so I know we've been lucky. We travel, have adventures and laugh a lot.

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