Anyone else love being a single mum?!

[Felicityx01]

Hi all,

Thought I'd post a positive thread on here for once I have been single throughout my pregnancy and DS is now 6 months old and love very second of it, there has been some challenges along the way but wouldn't change it for the world, I love spending my nights in with my son watch t.v. rather than going out, I love just focusing on myself and my son! If i got into a relationship id feel it be a chore! Anyone else love being a single mum aswell? Love to hear your positive stories

I’ve been single since mine were three and one.

It is certainly preferable to being with someone who was lazy, unkind, crass and boorish and giving that example to my lovely children. I’m glad I didn’t have that.

But I will admit it’s been a lonely road. I don’t think I even realised how lonely until my friends started having babies (I was young when I had mine) and I saw the difference a supportive partner made, not just with regard to parenting but with regard to finances, leisure time, everything really.

I had no help whatsoever and on some level I got used to that and had to get on with it. I love my children so so much but I didn’t get to ‘enjoy’ them as babies or toddlers or preschool children.

Still, my daughter is beautiful and happy and although I am rather inclined to think it was despite me rather than because of me I’m okay if she’s okay.

I’d give so much to experience it all ‘properly’, though

Been a single parent for 9 years now! my son is my priority. It's been very hard at times but we've also had some amazing times and have lovely memories.
I've had a few relationships but never lived with anyone since exh. I do sometimes with there was someone there for me but I do have to remind myself I much prefer it this way than in the wrong relationship.

100% single mum to two teen DC. Life is so much simpler to be honest. Even though money is tight, they have some bad days, especially dd when things like fathers day and birthdays come around. But I wouldn't change it for the world. We do things when we like and how we like to. Like last night we did a really spur of the moment thing together, didn't have to check with anyone, consider anyone else, just did what we wanted to together. I can't see me letting someone interfere with our dynamic any time soon. I was very ill recently, we got through it, the three of us. Afterwards I had lots of people asking how I managed with noone to 'take care of me'. I did though, my two amazing children did so much. We have a bond that many don't understand. As we are in it together. We are a team.

Lovely post op. Proof here that it's not all doom and gloom.

I Prefer it and I have had both single and non single. I’m choosing single

Yes! I was a single mum for years with my first, now I’ve got a lovely partner and more kids and whilst there are many many pros to having an extra parent around, it’s also a whole extra person to think about and plan things around, and we’ve always got to make sure we’re on the same page with regards to parenting techniques and routines and whatnot, so much easier alone!

how do you start feeling like this? im a single mum to 4 and really hate it!

I don’t know how it starts except daily reality but honestly all I miss is good sex and I rarely got that anyway!

What do people miss about having a man? I think with the right man then it can be amazing but navigating another person is hard work. It’s a fallacy that having a partner lessons your work and mental load especially in the beginning when you need to invest a lot in. I have so many other things to do or going on that I just don’t miss anything because I can give myself almost all of what I need anyway!

Last time I had a partner he had kids and an ex and work problems and wanted sex a lot and didn’t like the same things on TV i like and he didn’t like my daughter very much. It was mostly an unnecessary additions to my life

I love it too!single parent for 3 years with a five yr old ds.
I love that when she is tucked up in bed I don't have to worry about anyone else. There's no old socks on my floor, no one demanding chips with everything, no one groping me when I don't want it.
We go on ace little adventures together to theme parks and on holidays. He is so polite and funny and chilled and just lovely company.
I can imagine that in 10 years or so I might want something different but I'm so happy to be enjoying this stage.

God yes, I love it. I am the resident parent, my exh is involved but DS is with me 90% of the time. I separated from exh and moved into a flat of my own when DS was 10 months old, he's just turned 5 this month.

I love that everything that goes on in my home is my decision. I can paint a room whatever colour I want. I can choose what to have for dinner. Bed all to myself. Peace and calm when DS had gone to bed, the telly to myself and nobody bugging me.

DS and I do a lot of travelling together and he really is my little best friend.

I think about the idea of having a boyfriend and all I can think about is the extra hassle it would bring. I only have 2 or 3 nights a month to myself and I wouldn't want to have a new man around when DS is there so it would take ages to build up a proper relationship. Then if he had kids it would likely be even less time. The issue of blended families, another man trying to bond with DS which I don't think I'd be comfortable with. Having to consider another adult's feelings again. Not being able to make big decisions without having to check with him first. A man in my space, taking up room in my flat.

Ugh. I can't be bothered with it. I do have a fwb but I'm thinking of jacking that in as well as I'm not even bothered about sex any more.

I signed up to the site just to post on this thread! What an incredible read, literally! I feel so warm, positive and inspired after reading these words! I am going to be a single mum. I loved reading the comments about how many people loved single motherhood, and were thriving alone but I also loved the comments from people who had found someone very special to share their life with. I should be about actually finding someone special though right? Not just staying with a man and saying “he’ll do”. I refuse to settle just to tick a box, just to make other people feel more comfortable when they look at me! This is my life! And If that makes me a freak, so be it ;)
Thank you everyone. A really beautiful post.

Yes lonely at times but a lot easier and calmer than with my children's dad around causing us to be scared or walk on eggshells. My home is peaceful, I'm relatively financially secure, the children are happy. Sometimes I'd like someone to share life with but would have to be someone pretty amazing to come into our lives as it stands.

Totally agree OP. When I think about it now, anyone I met would have to be absurdly compatible for me even to entertain the notion of blending my family with his.

I've built a really good life as a lone parent, I have a great relationship with my daughter, and I can please myself. Wouldn't change that for the world.

Single mum from the start loved it...but can’t compare either! Now my boy is 14 I do want someone now for me... so enjoying myself more now as never dated for 13 years.
I am happy and content have achieved a lot and possibly more due to being independent! Doing MSc in uni and work...going away for Xmas and new year with my boy to have fab time. Buying another property also things are on the up and healthier and happier....roll on 2019

I prefer being a single mum, freedom to raise my child as I see fit, Do what I like to my own timetable and not having to consider anyone else's needs other than my child's has its perks.been told I'm selfish to think that way.

Flip the coin and its hard, there's no one to step in if I need it or no support to hand if I'm struggling.

Still prefer to be single. It's enough having to raise a child and don't want to nurture any kind of relationship and mess up our routine/life. I imagine it's more difficult as my dc is older and has sn, I don't have the energy for it.

I was a single parent for fifteen years and they were the best years of my life. No tensions, no demands, no moods, no male entitlement. Our home was our sanctuary where my children grew up in a happy, loving, sometimes financially challenging environment in the early years but we got through that and eventually thrived.
Later, when I started dating again, I found my boundaries had become really tough, my expectations seriously more defined and non negotiable and I had neither the will nor the energy to play games or fall into line as the one who cooks, cleans and shoulders the mental load in a relationship.
And so I stopped dating. I got seriously bored with it, the commitment, the expectations, the everything.....
I avoided it like the plague and somehow my indifference seemed to attract rather than repel.
I did give in eventually and after kissing a selection of frogs did indeed find my prince.
But only after my kids had grown and flown.
Embrace the single parent life. You are stronger than you know.

DD15 & I have been on our own for the last 3 years and I generally love it that way! I used to feel like I was parenting two children (one being ExH) so in most ways it's easier, and I know DD is happier than she would have been if her dad was still living with us.

There are definitely times when it would be helpful to have a second parent to bounce ideas off when making difficult decisions and for a bit of support when things are tough, but 99% of the time my life is way easier as a single parent!

I've always been a single parent. I found pregnancy the hardest part because there were usually 2 parents there at scans etc and I felt (unnecessarily) judged for being alone. However, I don't regret anything about doing it alone and I'm so glad I made the decisions I did.

DS is 4 now and he brings a lot of fun. The things he says and his stories about school are fab. I'm not lonely as by the time he goes to sleep I just want quiet! I consider myself very lucky. The only downside is when one of us is ill. Trying to make a decision whether to ring a doctor in the middle of the night etc. That's the only time I've ever wished for another grown up. The rest of the time I'm happy it's just us.

Single mum here and I love it. I had dd by donor and almost ten years later love it more each day. I just moved to a detached house which is all mine, I have a cleaner and private tutor. I also run my own business.
Couldn't be happier since I kicked my older child's father out.

I also love it - you don't often hear how pleasurable it can be! It's why I enjoyed watching Gilmore Girls with dd - even though it's annoying in many ways, we enjoyed watching the portrayal of a single parent relationship, and how you can develop your own little games and traditions and just relax into it.

I've always been a single parent, I honestly love it. My son and I have amazing adventures together and I never have to compromise on what I feel is best for him. I'm always shocked by the shoddy treatment that is regularly reported on the relationship board. Please ladies, no relationship is WAAAAY better than a shit one. Merry Christmas single mums x

I think you are an exception. Perhaps with one child it's manageable. Don't think you would be saying the same thing if you had more than one DC and no family support.

@Hannahmates I have two small babies and whilst this isn't that path I'd have chosen, it's certainly better for me than how it was before with an abusive partner. I can see where you are coming from though, sometimes extremely hard and I wish things could have been different but it is what it is. I think most people posting here recognise it's hard but still rewarding in so many aspects and preferable to manys former lives

@Hannahmates I'm a single
Mum to 2 DC's, no family or friend support ever, ( long story) and have been like this for 17 yrs now. by choice. It's hard work but very rewarding. My eldest has autism so childcare was always problematic for me. I have a job and my own home, always have done, even b4 I had DC's. My space is mine along with my DC's.
I have the financial and emotional freedom and independence to make my own choices, where some of my "partnered" friends have not. My DC's dad always very involved with them at weekends and sch holidays. He works full time too but between the both of us we got there. I've had no friend or family support and my ex always put his career first and therefore away for long periods so I always took the brunt for want of a better word . I did this alone and everything was fine, albeit hard work, but nothing worth having ever comes easy. OP, good for you and more power to your elbow!

Me!!! Been single mum to 5 since 2011. It's bloody hard but better than being with ex.