Is this gas lighting?

[largegin]

Sitting in the garden minding my own business... DH mentions about all the apples in the garden and that someone he knows told him about a place that collects the apples for you to make juice and gives you some for free as payment. You may be wondering what the problem is? Basically I've already told him about this place twice and he's trying to make out that I haven't and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. So, I'm pd off because I said he never listens and I've already told him that twice. Cue an argument where I end up getting made out to be unreasonable and always causing trouble when I was just sitting, enjoying the sun minding my own business. This happens a lot and always ends the same way. I really feel he does it on purpose to wind me up. Am I imagining this? I'm so pd off.

My ex used to do this a lot. I’d tell him things or suggest things and he would completely dismiss me, only to say the exact thing later! He would insist I was wong about some of my very clear memories (not even important stuff) and if we ever did something as a result of one of my ideas he would claim ownership of it. He was 100% gaslighting me. Even when he cheated on me he managed to convince me it was all in my head

Did you accept the flowers? I guess to not do, would have made you look unreasonable.

I think it's even more worrying that he apologised and bought you flowers, op, because that tells you he did know what he was playing at, in my opinion.

He's now trying to win 'father of the year', knowing that you're still smarting and feeling upset about his behaviour.

The flowers and apology mean nothing, as he will be up to his old tricks again, soon.

You must be so worn down, but I guess, that's the whole idea

No I didn't accept the flowers. I'm not putting up with this anymore, starting to try to find my way out of this awful situation. I think the way he tried to carry on as normal yesterday just goes to show how many times this has happened and I've been sweet talked around. Not any more

Next time it happens, DO NOT rise to the bait.
Just say "ok yeah that sounds good" and make a note of it. It sounds like he's figured out a way to push your buttons and is attempting some sort of power play. Don't react and don't play into his hands.

It is gaslighting. He's purposefully making you question your sanity.

In time, when he sees it's not working anymore he might stop. If not I'd consider marriage counselling or leaving him. I'd be miserable with someone like that. Do you feel like you're walking on egg shells all the time?

To be honest my husband can be very forgetful over things I've told him and it winds me up. When are we going to x, what's so sos name again, and is like "I friggen told you five mins ago"

But he isn't gaslighting me, he just doesn't pay attention and forgets two mins later, because it's not important to him. However as said it is incredibly annoying and I have escalated it to an irritable arguement before over it.

The difference is I am fully aware my husband isn't being malicious when he does it, just an idiot. Only you know if your husband is doing it maliciously to make you think you're crazy.

The question is why would he do that? Over something as silly as an apple press? Because that would be very sinister behaviour.

Just go along with it like it is the first you have heard the information.

Have you ever read, Open Letter to Shitty Husbands

It's in many parts and some of the comments are interesting when they discuss gaslighting. You might recognise some other scenarios in there.