DH and I have been married a year, together just over 10 years.
Recently DH got sick and this resulted in an emergency operation and so far 2 months off work. He was signed off for the first 3 weeks, but since then he's been taking unpaid leave (0 hours contract so no issues with his current job).
DH hates his job. It's a 0 hour contract and minimum wage with longish hours and a stressful environment. He expressed that while he was off work, he'd like to take the opportunity to look for other jobs/ work out what he wants to do with his career etc. All fine with me.
Anyway, his sick pay amounted to about £60 a week for the first 3 weeks, so I've taken the financial hit as although we keep finances separate, we're married and see our finances very much as pooled (I earn £35k a year and we pay all bills from my wage anyway, he normally pays for our food).
Throughout his time off I've been saying to him that I'm happy to support him financially for a while if it's taking him some time to find the right role etc. I was saving up as much as I could so I can afford to take maternity leave in the next year or so but because of the curve ball of him not working, we're going to have to postpone a baby for another year. Im desperate to have children, he knows this (he's on board too obviously) so he knows this is a massive sacrifice on my part both financially and emotionally. However, I'm more than happy to take this hit if it means he has the opportunity to get into a job he loves and break out of minimum wage. I see it as an investment in the future.
Anyway, the problem: He's been applying for jobs every day and in 8 weeks he's only had 1 interview so far, his next one is on Thursday. He didn't get the first job and it knocked his confidence a bit, but he also didn't prepare for the interview and despite me writing his cover letter for him (he's dyslexic and struggles with written stuff), he didn't even re-read it before he went in and despite me driving him to the interview, he also forgot the documentation they'd asked him to bring and when I tried doing some interview prep with him in the car on the way, he wouldn't engage at all. This irked me at the time but I figured it was his decision and I'm not there to parent him, he's an adult. We discussed it afterwards and when it came through that he hadn't got the job, he was very candid about where he had gone wrong etc etc. He continued applying for jobs.
Anyway, he's now decided he wants to go back to his old job that he hates and I'm MASSIVELY struggling because now I'm feeling like I've given him this time to figure things out for no reason at all, and actually it's a lack of commitment and effort on his part that's the reason he's not found anything suitable. I even suggested he went and did a degree apprenticeship in an area he's interested in, something again I would support him through financially but he hasn't even looked at that.
He's said he'll go back and still apply for jobs, but I know he's just going to settle back in and it will take another big event to shake him back out of his rut.
I just feel so let down and I left the bedroom last night and slept downstairs because the sound of him breathing next to me was so irritating. That's never happened before in 10 years and I'm really worried it's a sign we're going to fall apart.
To balance this, while he's been off DH has done all the housework, washing, cooking and cleaning and also looked after the dogs etc, i've done absolutely nothing for the full 8 weeks at home. He's a lovely man and I know I'm being irrational with this in a way, hence why I'm posting on MN and not talking to him about how I'm feeling. I know if I bring up how I feel about him going back, his response will be 'ok I won't go back then' because he'll try to please me and I don't want that.
Argh :(