I am posting here as this is where the majority of my posts have been and my back story is well documented - I have a current thread on here about my Dd www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3283027-Excelled-himself-yet-again
For the last two days Ds has been playing a song "suicide" - I woke up to it yesterday - it freaked me a bit - I asked him why he was playing it he told me it was by a rapper who had been shot Sunday night - whether this is true or not I've yet to google - Ds has history here - he googled how to kill yourself at school and the school contacted me - cunt x dismissed it as a school boy prank. He was also referred to CAMHS but refused to go.
Both Ds and Dd are fully aware of what is currently going on - I do not believe in keeping things from them - I believe they pick up on it anyway and I feel it is more destructive not knowing the truth. The truth right now is pretty horrid.
Ds was due to go to x last night - I had a message saying he was coming back here he had forgotten to take some files he needed for school today. I have no problem with this. What concerns me is that Ds has been on report recently at school for "not achieving what is expected of him" - one of the comments is that he often turns up without his books etc - I believe this is a result of the "two homes" and the continual stress that we are all under as a result of cuntish x.
I have commented on this before.
The question about protein powder and this was just a random thought that popped into my head - Ds has taken to doing weights and is using protein powder to build up his muscles - this is hormone based right - just wondered if there is anything out there that would link protein powder with suicidal tendencies!
I am seeing my counsellor today I shall be relaying all this to her - today I feel drained - I am constantly having to have plan b in case plan a goes tits up - I am either going to grind to a complete standstill or I will explode. If my kids were younger I would take them the hell away - this is too much for them to have to deal with - I fear for their mental health - anyone who says kids do ok in divorce, with two homes etc has not had to deal with the cuntish behaviour of a DF like theirs! Thank god they are lucky!