Tell me if you had children later on/after 37? I'm scared it is too late

[lizzedays]

I'm 32 and I want a family. I focused on my career all my life and relationships took a back seat. They don't these days, but in the last couple of years i've not been so lucky with men!

I'm scared it is too late and it is all my focus now. If I knew i could have children in say, 4 years, I would totally relax (i know that's always an unknown for everyone). I'm just scared.

Has anyone got any happy stories to share?

I had children at 32, 35 and 39. All good.

I was only with my husband (of 10 years) about 6 months when I fell pregnant. It can happen quickly.

I had my last baby at 37. That was old enough for me but I was sleep deprived for 6 years prior to that.

As an aside my mum had me at 42. I'm an only child. She is unwell now and there is a burden in caring for her (I love her very much by the way). I think the issue with having children later is that your caring responsibilities for parents ends up at a critical stage at the same time as you have your own very young family. I was only 30 when I had my first child and I wish my mum was now still the person she was 10 years ago.

Statisically, your chances of concieveing fall slightly at 30 then significantly after 35. If you're lucky you'll have no problem concieving at whatever age, but if you want a better idea go to a fertility clinic for a fertility MOT which would check your AMH, FSH and follicle count. You might be one of the lucky ones that has no problem concieving at any age, but you might not so don't rely on that. I'd suggest trying before 35 rather than after. Women that conceive after 40 are the exception rather than the rule. x

Got pregnant with my second just before 40. Very healthy, no problems.

The mean average age for a woman to no longer be able to bear children naturally is 41 in modern developed countries. That is the peak of a large bell curve (some women are delivering live infants at 46, others are basically infertile by 35). But the majority of women who actively try to conceive at 37 years of age will become mothers. The NIPT test (zero risk, extremely reliable) also means you have pregnancy choices regarding trisomies.

Women should not be overly sanguine about decline in fertility--it is something to be very much aware of. That said, it's also important not to panic too much either. There is good evidence that a lot of the standard data used in public health advice, medical practices and so on is not reliable because it draws heavily on very old data taken from old birth records (as in, centuries old) and on hearsay from fertility clinics (who by definition see women who have fertility issues, which pushes doctors towards very negative and cautious views).

I strongly recommend having a read through this article here--it gives some of the background on this, and also some tips for women wanting to maximize their conception chances if they are trying a bit later in life.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

There is more about the data issue here.

www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24128176

Give it the old college try. You can also go to the fertility clinic for a fertility MOT if you want to know what your chances are.

A sample quote from the article I linked to, the first one:

Surprisingly few well-designed studies of female age and natural fertility include women born in the 20th century—but those that do tend to paint a more optimistic picture.

One study, published in Obstetrics & Gynecology in 2004 and headed by David Dunson (now of Duke University), examined the chances of pregnancy among 770 European women. It found that with sex at least twice a week, 82 percent of 35-to-39-year-old women conceive within a year, compared with 86 percent of 27-to-34-year-olds. (The fertility of women in their late 20s and early 30s was almost identical—news in and of itself.)

Another study, released this March in Fertility and Sterility and led by Kenneth Rothman of Boston University, followed 2,820 Danish women as they tried to get pregnant. Among women having sex during their fertile times, 78 percent of 35-to-40-year-olds got pregnant within a year, compared with 84 percent of 20-to-34-year-olds. A study headed by Anne Steiner, an associate professor at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, the results of which were presented in June, found that among 38- and 39-year-olds who had been pregnant before, 80 percent of white women of normal weight got pregnant naturally within six months (although that percentage was lower among other races and among the overweight). “In our data, we’re not seeing huge drops until age 40,” she told me.

For everyone who says they conceived quickly at 35+ there'll be one (or more) who had issues. There's no way of knowing what camp you'll be in. I agree with others who say to crack on.

Yes, I had two children at 36 and 37. Several friends were similar. But I had to have IVF and three friends weren't able to have successful pregnancies at all. Treatment takes time (ivf is hard and they often need to tweak the protocol and medication each time and in my case endless appointments) and a lot of money.

It can be done but I consider myself very fortunate.

Thanks for these posts.

I panic all the time about this and just can't seem to relax about it at all at the moment.

I got married at 34 and panicked we had left it too late - proceeded to have 3 babies in 20 months (one baby and twins) at 35 and nearly 37. Had I known I could fall pregnant so easily, I would have waited a little (fuck a 20 month gap with twins is so hard).