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Original poster

Emotional affairs - have you or your dh/dp had one?

142 replies

highlighter · 23/05/2007 10:45

Apparantly these are becoming more and more common particulary with colleagues due to long working hours etc. It is where you have an emotional but not physical relationship with someone which goes beyond harmless flirting. Can be spending a lot of time with someone, calling them or texting them out of work, hiding it from your partner etc.

They can be just as destructive as physical affairs, the feelings of betrayal and hurt on discovery can be just as bad. I just wondered how many of you had experienced them and how you had dealt with it or whether you don't really think it's a big deal if it's not physical.

(am regular btw)

OP posts:
elasticbandstand · 23/05/2007 11:16

well i would be insecure, and i know my dh is too, i have a male friend who i have been out with with dcs but dh did not like it at all

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 11:16

The first one in nine months:

Young LotF! No way its you. I sent you a text ages ago but got no reply so thought youhad changed your number to stop your kindly uncle figure from stalking you! I'm fine. Work is super-shite tho. Glad youre out of it! Ive been working out, keeping it lean and mean! lol I hope daniel is still loving and protecting you! Thwack me senseless, I cant believe its you! x

it really is harmless! i swear! lolololol

elasticbandstand · 23/05/2007 11:17

lol
lotf

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 11:18

He is a bit mad. deffo not camp tho! i think thats why i get on with him.
im a bit mad...

Original poster
highlighter · 23/05/2007 11:18

Oh I agree MP

I am talking about when one of you oversteps the mark and hides stuff.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 23/05/2007 11:18

lotf I don't think it's an emotional affair because from the texts it doesn't sound as if you're the right sex .

elasticbandstand · 23/05/2007 11:19

has it happened to you highlighter?

Original poster
highlighter · 23/05/2007 11:19

What about if you DO have the openness you are describing, a non-jealous type relationshiop where neither of you minds about the other seeing people fo the opposite sex, flirting in a harmless way, fancying them etc

but then

One of you takes it further with someone

very damaging

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 11:19

lol!
Im glad i have posted them. owiknow i am not having an affair!
i read most of them out to dh anyway!
pmsl

elasticbandstand · 23/05/2007 11:21

lotf - not surprising you dh is worried then?

elasticbandstand · 23/05/2007 11:21

aah isnt worried. duh.

must proof read.

wannaBe · 23/05/2007 11:21

agree with mp - jealousy is normal but I think there's a difference between jealousy/possessiveness. eg I went out with a guy at school who told my friends that he didn't want them to come and talk to me because we wanted to be alone, and told me that I'd hurt his feelings if I talked to anyone but him, he was jealous but his jealousy crossed the line of acceptable behavior..

morningpaper · 23/05/2007 11:22

But highligher what you are saying is that one of you is starting an affair

I don't think that having 'emotional affairs' inevitably leads to physical affairs

Yes physical affairs will (usually) start with emotional involvement, that is the nature of human relationships

gingerone · 23/05/2007 11:22

LoTF, love it!!!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 11:22

Seriously tho, when i was still at work, i think i did start to feel more for him, so i just kept away and they soon died.
I didnt begin to love him, but i think i started to fancy him.

MellowMa · 23/05/2007 11:22

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 23/05/2007 11:22

Are you ok highlighter? Is there trouble a-brewing?

wannaBe · 23/05/2007 11:23

highlighter I think if that situation arises then you run the risk of losing the openness and the trust.

MellowMa · 23/05/2007 11:23

Message withdrawn

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 23/05/2007 11:23

My DP met a girl when he was doing his MA who he was attracted to. He told me quite openly,I met her a few times (and agreed she was very hot!) and I know for certain nothing ever happened. he is now in the 'past tense' but I am sure there will be more such instances and I welcome honesty about it.

It is the same for me, the band I was in last year had a temporary bassist who was devesatingly attractive, and we instantly clicked. I told DP, he understood, and indeed it was a fleeting fascination. I know my DP and my family mean so much more so would never go there. But the flirting is fun.
FGS should we all become frumps as soon as we settle down?

These things are a normal fact of life.

It is whether you act on it that is the issue.

gingerone · 23/05/2007 11:24

Highlighter, what's going on? You sound as though this is on your mind more than a general thread?

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 11:24

i felt stuff but there was no way i would have suggested to him how i felt.
if it had gone further, it would have soon turned mediocre.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 23/05/2007 11:25

ooops 'she is now in the 'past tense' lol

myself and DP are still great after 8 years!

morningpaper · 23/05/2007 11:25

Oh yes LOTF, the reality is never as fun as the fantasy

I often fall MADLY in love with boys and then discover that they read the Express

It would never work in REALITY

gingerone · 23/05/2007 11:28

LoTF, mine was total fantasy, I only ever saw him wearing smart suits. The first time I saw him on a weekend in casual clothes, I knew it was never going anywhere(cut off trousers, trainers and sunglasses on his head)

Fantasy is far better than reality (except in case of George Clooney, who I am sincerely hoping is the other way round)