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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

still struggling - emotional affair

63 replies

Pelagia21 · 18/06/2018 00:47

Don't know what to say. Some of you told me to leave and I'm still here with him. Trying counselling but not going too well. Just read yet another thread about an emotional affair and all the fall out and pain and thought "yes... tell me about it... I could have written that."
Went to see a solicitor and had decided to leave but then so difficult. He was so upset and remorseful.
Going to Relate but early days with that.
Meanwhile so difficult and today I feel like packing in.
I said i would try and forgive and move on and I have.. it was ok for a short while but ups and downs and last week has been awful.
He says it's my fault as I won't forgive and keep asking questions .. which, yes I do. On going discussion around this and I can't win. I feel he is trying to control my feelings and reactions and counsellor picked upon this.
To clarify .. the affair with OW is over but.. they work together everyday and he still gets a lift home at least once a week. He said he would stop but no.. now he says stuff like "For heaven's sake.. what does it matter/ I've told you it's over ... back to how it was /... I get tired.. what do you expect me to do?" what good is it doing me mentioning stuff / thought we'd moved on...."
I'm mentally weary and cried most of today as I've tried to keep the family going. His parting shots before he went to bed really hurt me.
I give up.I feel like the bad guy .. again.

OP posts:
Sausagerollers · 19/06/2018 16:35

I really can't see how he's making your life better.
Partners should enhance your life, not make it unhappy.
It's time to say goodbye OP, you know this, you just need to find the strength to do it.

Good luck.

Pelagia21 · 19/06/2018 21:51

It's too much like hard work. I feel exhausted.

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 19/06/2018 21:57

He's a selfish asshole. Dump him!

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 19/06/2018 23:11

You poor thing. From what you've said it reads to me that it was never very serious for her, just something to pass the time with, a bit of excitement and is now happily nesting with hubby, but he is still besotted and is resenting you for insisting he give her up. You can't move forward from this until he makes a decision where his loyalties lie. And if (big if) you want to wait around while he makes that decision. Guilt makes some people behave in such a vile fashion and it just rubs salt in the wound - acting like you should be punished for his actions. He's a shit. He's behaved like one and is still continuing to.

Pelagia21 · 19/06/2018 23:25

Anastasia - yes I think you are right. I have maybe been naive when he said over but I have often wondered at what point was it over/when exactly? Like a light switch going off? Well I don't think so! Yes, I think it meant a lot less to her but she gains at work in many ways as he is her boss etc etc. and yes she is off now with no pressure from her husband who has no idea. And she has sometimes moaned about him to my husband and of course I suspect vice versa. I can't help wondering how things are in her relationship if after a few years of marriage and in your 30's you are seeking attention and flirting and kissing! your married boss! I'm mad at how it has imploded in our relationship and not hers although yes there are all the other factors and this is the straw that broke the camel's back . But then again I wouldn't wish this on her husband and he seems so nice.
But yes I do think my husband still has feelings for her regardless of what he says. He has been rotten to me again lately saying "for heaven's sake when are you going to forgive me?" and "so much for the counselling .."
He is so inconsistent one minute saying sorry I love you and then telling me for f...s sake !
Im done in and want to drive off in to the sunset but I cannot!!

OP posts:
Pelagia21 · 19/06/2018 23:49

And I bloody well told him before "No more lifts"... he put up a little fight.. "but what about day when late after meeting?" ! I said no. Think he has got message but I'm sure we've had this conversation before. Watch this space! It's not like he needs a lift! and I pointed out to him that if it was miles away I would expect him to get trains ....lots of them!!!! I don't care how many connections after what he's done! but in fact it isn't that far anyway!

OP posts:
Fontella · 20/06/2018 11:17

All your responses seem to be about his responses, what he says, how he thinks, what he accuses you of, you're too scared to do this, say that, because of his reactions. Then justifying yourself constantly, reasoning and explaining.

He had an affair with a married woman - he cheated on you and she cheated on her husband. I don't give it shit if they kissed, didn't kiss, had a fumble in the car or a full blown shag - they both cheated and it went on for months - that you know about.

The only thing can possibly be acceptable to anyone in any circumstances, who decides to stay with a cheat, as you have, is that he cuts all contact with the person he cheated with. End of discussion. He still works with her, he's still friends with her, he still spends time alone with her

THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE IN ANYONE'S BOOK, so why the fuck are you tolerating it?

It's a straight down the line 'her or me' situation and from the sounds of it, he's made his choice and it ain't you. He's going to carry on being her boss, her friend, he's going to carry on putting her over you, and he's going to carry on spending time alone with her, and you just have to suck it up if you want to hang on to this prize of a man. Prize arsehole more like!

Tell him to fuck off. Seriously! Get some dignity and tell him it's over, either he goes, or you go ... but please stop putting yourself through this torment.

It's almost unbearable to read to be honest. Why are some women willing to be such doormats?

Pelagia21 · 20/06/2018 14:47

Well yes all you say is right. I wonder why to? But all i can say is that it is very difficult. My counsellor said the same. But I'm working on it with the help of others and MN too.

OP posts:
AsleepAllDay · 20/06/2018 15:05

Because he is emotionally manipulative and in your years together he has 'trained' you to completely be at service to his feelings & needs. Any person looking on the outside would be thinking about YOU and what YOU need but a textbook abuser breaks down your defences and gaslights you until you don't have confidence, faith in yourself or have a focus beyond him

Pelagia21 · 20/06/2018 18:37

The few people i have confided in and counsellor have picked up on this and talked to me about it. I wish I could be tougher but I tell you it's not easy. I want to leave him and wish it wasn't like this

OP posts:
AsleepAllDay · 20/06/2018 22:28

OP it's always easier for people who are on the outside looking in! Nobody wants to believe that their choice of life partner is a bad person who is actively harming them. And good people even more so - it's hard to understand an abuser when you're not the one in the driving seat

Please remember that gaining clarity and being able to leave is a process. I hope you can reach out to people you can trust soon and be able to do it but it's never easy. If you could pack up and go without a backward glance I'm sure you would! Take care

Pelagia21 · 21/06/2018 10:57

Thank you AsleepAllDay
Your messages have helped me.

OP posts:
IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 26/06/2018 11:13

How was your weekend Pelagia ?

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