Anybody else have a shit Fathers Day or just me?

[DesperateHusband]

Three teenagers. All basically forgot. Two I reminded during the morning which ended up in an argument about something unrelated. I went out and came back to find hastily written card my wife had bought before with a wrapped up "present" - a fucking chocolate orange from the cupboard with my wife smiling saying see they didn't forget. Third child hasn't said a word all day despite being in the car with her when Fathers Day mentioned on the radio. For dinner I got instant noodles made by my wife. Drowning my sorrows with red wine I bought myself. Meanwhile Facebook awash with friends posting pictures of lovely messages in cards, loads of presents, nice dinners etc. Feeling thoroughly crap and unappreciated.

I'm a teen.
I've just spent money on a father's day gift and time making a card for a man who spent most of our family savings on hotel trips to San Francisco during one of his manic episodes. He's mentally ill and has horrible health and will most likely die before I'm thirty. I've just spent an entire day with him calling my mother a bitch, my grandmother a religious zealot, and the rest of my family something somewhat equivalent. I've been putting away money since I was ten and just spent some of it on a tennis racket for him that he most likely will keep in his back closet while he buys a better one. Today I found that he'd thrown away all of my stuff from when I lived with him, including a journal that detailed three years of my young life under his roof, that he read, which was the only thing from that house that I hadn't thrown away myself. My mother today is spending time with my real family and stepdad while I've spent the last three hours crying with no way of ever being able to tell my father that he means something to me and that his actions have greatly affected my life, at least not in a way that he can mentally comprehend. Today, for the first time in my life I've used a teen crisis hotline and had nothing more to say than, "I'm anxious and have had a bad father's day." I've gotten myself home at midnight because he's to depressed to drive, I've hyperventilated in his car because he can't believe that the birthday flowers he sent me (and doesn't remember) weren't from my mom's lover, I'm a virgin that's been called the daughter of a whore, and I know that all of that means nothing. I've had to learn that when people mean something to you, its your responsibility to care about them. Its a very rare and beautiful thing that two people both care about each other and show it, but its more common that its one or the other.
I hope your kids love you but father's day means nothing. Its like Singles Awareness Day, its an old tradition that gives us the illusion that its the actions of our loved ones that have meaning. I don't like my father, there is little that he has ever done for me and a lot that he's done to my family, but whether I liked it or not he's someone I care about. Days like Fathers day and Mothers day are tests to see if we can disregard whether someone loves or appreciates us and instead focus on the fact that we love them.
Loving and appreciating someone isn't perfect, but if your kids aren't scared of you and if they have better things to do with their time than commenting on a mum's chat blog to make themselves feel better, I'd say that's a pretty good start.

My Ex never did anything for Mother’s Day, so I organize a cake or a nice tea out with the kids for myself.

For Fathers Day, I think my daughter texted him and I just got the other kids to talk to him on the phone.

If you organized loads of stuff for Mother’s Day, is have a chat to your wife about how unfair it was. If you don’t make an effort for Mother’s Day, then I think it was fair.

Well I had a slightly different side in that I got our kids to write cards and wrapped up small gifts. Offered breakfast in bed. Nope. Offered to make coffee. Nope. Offered to let him choose what he wanted on the TV. Nope...he snapped at me and had a go because I was making too much of the day. So that was upsetting and felt ungrateful. I’m not sure I’ll bother again. I’d love to be married to a man who appreciated thoughtfulness and effort. Feeling pretty deflated about the whole weekend to be honest.

I’m sorry to hear that Eightfiftythree.
My father had alcoholic dementia and died when I was in my early twenties...I’d spent a huge part of my childhood keeping him safe and not showing I was crying inside when he forgot things and said horrible things and scared me. I loved him to bits and I know he loved me...that’s what makes it all so hard isn’t it - we care.
Please talk to people, your Mum/School/Friend’s/Crisis Telephone/Doctor - keeping things bottled up makes them much worse.
You sound a lovely, lovely person and a child to be proud of.

@eightfiftythree , poor you, that's crap.

OP the pit noodle was horrible of them.

Oh yes, OP if you still read here I hope you talked to your family and this year was better. The noodles was really crap and that was from your wife so there was no excuse of teenage brattishness...do you and her not know what the other would appreciate on these occasions? We have little money and have both lost our fathers so it’s a sad day for us but I always make my DH a favourite meal and the kids bake.

Out of interest, how did mother's day go down in your house? Did they make more of an effort for her? Did you? Just for some perspective.

What did you do for Mother's Day?

Desperatehusband I just wanted to pop by & say I’m sorry you had a crap Father’s Day. Don’t pay any attention to the Face-bookers-my life is so perfect!! Teenagers can be crappy x

@eightfiftythree
Wow you sound one amazing teen and I’m sorry to hear what you have been through with your dad. I hope you have someone to support you and talk to.

OP i think you should tell your teens how disappointed you were. They didnt have to buy you anything they could have cooked you a fry up (better the pot noodle) or done something to show their appreciation. I know its a commercial day but I think its nice to show appreciation to your parents teens or not!

Repay the favour at Christmas and birthdays.

pound shop chocolate bar for a gift.

Sorry you felt unappreciated. Some teens can be like that.

Don't go giving card manufacturers any ideas though. If they thought there was mileage in flogging cards for Shit Fathers' Day, I bet they'd do it.

We have two older teens, one at home and one away at uni. I resent the fact that I still seem to have to instigate/nag/remind them to get cards and presents, but if I didn't I'm not confident anything would happen and then DH would blame me and sulk all day/week.
Teen 1 at uni sent a card (after reminder) but it didn't arrive in time, so sent a message on Sunday (after I'd alerted them to the fact that the card hadn't arrived). They're back this week and said they're bringing a present.
I took Teen 2 to town to buy his own card and present, which he did, although he had forgotten his wallet so I had to pay...
He then offered to cook DH a Father's Day breakfast. I go out for a run on Sunday a.m. so left them to it. When I came back at 10.30 DS was still in bed and I could tell DH was pre-grumpy so I had to wake DS and suggest he get up to prevent full grump from DH.

Meanwhile, I lost my lovely Dad a few years ago, so it is always a sad day for me, but nobody ever thinks how I feel...

@eightfiftythree I’m a psychiatric nurse and I just wanted to say that I wish more people had family like you who keep caring despite how hard it is. You sound amazing

My DH had a shit Father’s Day too.
Although he did have cards and a present to open, he had to be at work at stupid o clock in the morning to deploy out on a military training exercise. Spent all day yesterday driving, then arrived at his destination and spent the night sleeping in a hole in the pissing rain.

I think maybe your wife could have prompted them a little. If it's important to you let everyone know. I didn't realise how much Mother's Day was important to my partner years ago (boy do I know now), so make an effort now.

I'm not sure how bothered I would be as my kids got older, it might be nice, who knows, but it important to you, so make sure they know it.

So, how much effort did the OP make for Mother’s Day? Either he made a huge effort that wasn’t reciprocated. In which case I’d be asking why. Or he made no effort and it was reciprocated.

Well, my own personal dad-feelings are this:

Fathers’ Day isn’t a real thing.

Grow up.

I guess my kids probably know that; nobody mentioned anything yesterday. Come to think of it, just checked my facebook feed: not a single person there is posting fathers day crap either.

@aoeu how bizarre...

I never made a big deal about Father's Day when my dad was alive. I never really appreciated him in my teenage years especially. TBF he made me batshit crazy sometimes lol

Now I'm older with my own kids, and he's gone, I regret not making more of an effort. Your kids are teenagers - they will grow up and come to appreciate you. They just take you for granted at the moment.

Sorry about that and facebook rubbing it in unfortunately you weren't the only one having a terrible Fathers day.L hope the red wine was nice

This thread is a year old.
Wonder how fathers day went for Op this year?

That's really shit OP.

I suspect I was also a nob as a teenager. I'm a nice daughter now and appreciate my dad. Wait it out x

Lol my "wait it out" comment is ironic

Teens are teens - so self absorbed. One of mine remembered before I reminded him but the others I messaged and chased for links to Amazon so I could buy.

We had brunch, visited my own father then had a takeaway. I consider this my responsibility to organise at this stage as I know my lovely DH does for me. Don't blame the teens.