In summary:
We are both divorced. I have no children. His are all adults plus a couple of grandchildren.
We have been “seeing” each other for 18 months. Things happened very fast in the beginning and then he backed off and wanted to just keep things casual.
He is emotionally unavailable. A total textbook example. And he has admitted that he is.
We are long distance, so meetings are not often but are 24/7 intensive, but when they do happen we do get on wonderfully well.
In between visits we communicate by email, just chatting about life in general – sometime he goes days without replying but eventually reappears. He has never gone AWOL, but we only meet on his terms and when he chooses.
He is the love of my life and because of this, in the beginning, I was prepared to accept what little he was offering and on his terms. This has resulted in a massive erosion of my self esteem – a slow and agonizing process to the point where it has made me depressed.
I now accept that this is completely unhealthy and despite my depth of feelings for him I know I CANNOT allow myself to spend the rest of my life living in limbo like this.
I have geared myself up to walk away on a number of previous occasions but have never taken the plunge and gone through with it. I have now finally got a grip and am determined to force myself to do this, and so I have got myself a new job on another continent, which will start in a couple of months. He does not know yet.
As part of explaining why I am moving so far away, I want to tell him how I feel, including how he has shattered my heart into a thousand pieces and that I hurt so much that I cry for hours on end.
Should I do this? Or do I just drop a casual note just saying I’ve got a new job.I want some closure for myself over the whole thing, but I have no idea how to get this without saying anything to him.
WWYD? All advice welcome. Including well deserved slaps for parking my life for 18 months.