Im trying to be nice!

[shakingmyheadathim]

It’s Father’s Day and he’s a great Daddy and I’m trying to be nice to him... but he’s so bloody incapable.
Asked him to put a load of washing on, we have a big 10kg drum but if you fill it to the brim then you need to use 2 tablets instead of 1. I have reiterated this point at least 10 times.
I’ve gone to hang the washing out and it STINKS. Almost like onions and sweat. I asked how many washing tablets he used. 1. I asked if he used fabric conditioner. No.
I’ve had to do the whole load again and we are off on holiday in a few hours so god knows how we are going to dry it all.
I asked him to squirt some toilet duck around the loo rims. Somehow he’s squirted it around the rim but also all under the toilet seat and it’s squirted out of the sides and up all of the walls. I’ve had to clean it all up.
Does he purposely do jobs badly so I don’t ask again? Or does he just not give a shit about doing them properly?
I really really don’t understand? 🤷‍♀️
It’s not as if he’ll get away with it? If the washing stinks I’ll notice, if there’s toilet duck up the wall then I’ll notice.
It’s like a game that he’s trying to get away with?

Why isn't he rewashing, hanging and cleaning up his toilet error?

You really are enabling him - he should rewash and clean up

Well I did think that I should probably get him to remedy his mistakes, but I worry that he’ll just mess it up for a second time 🤷‍♀️ and I don’t have time to deal with stinky washing again.

Ime, they do it so you won't bother them again, OP. The tactic I used was to point out, in a fairly playful way, that I knew exactly what DH was up to and warn him that it wasn't working.

When it came to some things I decided that everything didn't have to be done my way. His way was fine so long as - using your example - the washing didn't stink.

If he knows you'll fix it and then re do it properly, then yes, it does sound deliberate. He knows if he screws it up you'll do it instead. So why not screw it up on purpose to get out of doing anything at all?

Make him fix it. It's not your responsibility to clear up and run after his [deliberate] screw ups.

It just does my bloody head in.
He’s incapable of doing things properly.
We went out for brunch this morning and he’s even incapable of asking for the bill. He won’t say why he doesn’t like asking, he just pretends that he’ll do it in his own time.
He just puts it off and puts it off so that an hour after brunch we still don’t have the bill, the kids are bored and stroppy and I end up going to ask for it and paying it (joint account too so he’s not trying to get out of paying)!
So along with his non assertiveness he’s also shit at housework!

And I do love him to bits, honestly. He’s the kindest, gentlest person and he’s a great dad who would do anything for his family.
But god he’s annoying!!!
Suppose I’ve just got to let the minor things go!

He's capable. He just is screwing things up so you'll do it.

I imagine he knows what to do at work and is capable of doing it without being asked to do every little thing.

very passive aggressive.

Don't be nice to him about it as he certainly isn't being nice to you with his bs.

That’s very true about him at work.
He gets on fine.
It’s just the wasting money bit that annoys me too.
That’s a whole load of water, electric and 1 Ariel tablet out of the 10 pack wasted.
That’s god knows how much toilet duck wasted being squirted up the walls. V wasteful.

Mine is the same- cocks up every job he attempts, makes more mess and palava doing it, or says he will do it later, in a bit- and it never gets done. Love him to bits but he is incapable of doing even a wash load without some sort of feck up. Giant man-child.

At least he's making an effort 🤦🏼‍♀️

So glad I’m not the only one.
I’m just confused as he’s currently doing diy which he does with military precision and lots of care and thought go into it and he does a great job.
But then he’s haphazard with anything that doesn’t interest him.
I think he just doesn’t care if the washing stinks, in his head it’s clean so so what if it’s whiffy. Obviously lower washing standards than me!

Likewise the toilet. He’s done his job and cleaned under the rim, so what if some escaped up the walls in the process?! 🙄

He can't ask for the bill???

At least he's making an effort 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you kidding?

No he can’t ask for the bill.
He never has been able to. Think it’s too much like public speaking for him? He’d rather wait until the waitress came over and offered to get him the bill.
He’s not really shy in other situations.

He'll wait a while! I've never been offered the bill!! I'd feel I was being thrown out.

He's not making an effort at all. He's deliberately cocking it up so she'll do it and he doesn't care how wasteful he is or the extra work involved for her to do it over again.

I'd pull him up on it.

We can't all be good at everything. You've just said he does the diy with military precision? So he's good at doing the diy. But because he spilt some toilet duck it's the end of the world?! I'm useless at diy but good at cleaning, my partner is a bit useless at doing 'big cleans' and generally just hoovers. He puts the bins out, I do the washing. I cook, he washes up. I don't see the major issue.

Oh come on. It’s not difficult to not squirt toilet duck up a wall is it? Or to listen to instructions when putting washing in? I bet he manages to follow instructions at work.
He’s not making an effort at all. He’s deliberately messing the jobs up so he doesn’t have to do them again.

I’m not asking for him to be a pro at cleaning. Just to be able to be competent enough to stick a wash on once every couple of weeks when I’ve got my hands full and the same with the toilet duck. I’m not even asking him to scrub the loo, I had already done that bit!
I just think it’s lack of care. Fair enough I’m shit at diy but if he asked me to bang a nail in the wall for him then I’d do it with enough care that I didn’t smash the walls around the nail at the same time!

DH puts the bins out, but if I had to do it I’d manage it without knocking over the bin/dropping rubbish everywhere etc.

Maybe it was an accident. I doubt he'd deliberately squirt it up the wall. I can see how it would be annoying but I just don't think it's a major deal. It's a very pessimistic view to have that he would purposely do it 'so he doesn't have to do it again'.

He’s lazy and doesn’t care. That’s the extent of it

He can't be bothered and is taking the piss.