Am I wasting my young years being in a long term relationship?

[AnonGem]

Hi, I am after some advice on what to do regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. It is pretty long so please bare with me.
I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 and I am now 19. When we first got together I was so happy to be with him as I craved being in a relationship. I was pretty promiscuous (and I don’t mean sexually, I enjoyed talking to a lot of guys) so settling down was so exciting for me. For about 2 years everything was great. We are literally each other’s world. And by this I mean we both have no friends or life outside of our relationship. I don’t mind as I love him so much, but I would by lying if I said for the last year I haven’t wanted to break up. I feel as though I hear stories about people my age having the wildest time and all I do is study, work and chill with him at home. I know the solution is easy, and that is to go out and have fun whilst still in a relationship with him. But it is not that simple. This year I have been ‘out’ three times. All of which have included him putting me on time limits and getting annoyed and upset when I do go out. I crave to just have fun like a single 19 year old, and not feel guilty if I have a chat with a boy or get drunk with my sister. I want to be able to pick and choose when to go out and not have consequences! I’ve tried breaking up with him, but every time I come running back because I love him so so so much. So, am I missing out? Have any of you been in my situation and can tell me what I should do? I feel like if we do eventually break up, I would have wasted my prime years doing nothing with him. But I’m too much of a coward to leave him.

Thank you all so much for the time you’ve taken to reply to my worries.

I was looking on google for people who have been in my situation and I am so happy to have come across this website.

I have read every single one of your posts.

To answer a few questions, he’s 20 years old. I live at home and so does he, so we have no ties together. I am studying at uni and work in a bookies which is pretty male dominated. It’s probably been the catalyst for why I’m starting to rethink our relationship as it’s the first time I’ve spoken to other men.

I have never really questioned if our relationship was the problem, and it’s actually really eye opening. Again, thank you guys.

Dh and I got together when I was 19 but it didn't stop me from doing the things I wanted. During the 10 years before we finally got married I: did a degree and PhD in another country, went to any parties I wanted, travelled abroad- with him and without, talked to anyone I wanted, and got drunk if I wanted to.

What you describe doesn't sound like something I would put up with now- in my fifties and after 25 years of marriage. What's the good of a man of any age who thinks it's his job to control you?

The people I know (and I do know a few) who had happy relationships started younger than me were people who had very equal relationships, people who both trusted one another, people who both wanted the other person to be happy and have a good time.

It's not that this part of your life should be about having fun: it's that no part of your life should be about letting somebody else shut the fun out of your life.

You need to learn what promiscuous means. Which FYI I don’t think is a bad thing.
But he’s made you feel like flirting or talking with men has made you “promiscuous”

The fact that you’ve googled this and have found here is a massive bonus to you. Now you have to find the strength in yourself to believe you are worth more than this. It’s easy to say leave him. But you have to know why you shouldn’t be with him and why you deserve more respect from a partner.

The promiscuous comment us a good one actually, I got si sidetracked by the rest if it. Who describes you as promiscuous AnonGem?

Now you have to find the strength in yourself to believe you are worth more than this. It’s easy to say leave him. But you have to know why you shouldn’t be with him and why you deserve more respect from a partner.

This is really good advice.

Ask yourself - is this exactly how I want my life to be? If not, is there any good reason why your life shouldn't be how you want it to be? If there isn't, what changes do you need ot make so you can live the life you want.

If you think there truly is a good reason why you shouldn't be living the life you want to live, despite being young with no responsibilities for children or aging parents - tell us about it. Maybe you need to rethink.

You are wasting your life in this relationship. But if you're looking for someone else I wouldn't do it at the bookies

I was in a similar situation. Was in a long-term relationship from 16-21, which lasted for almost 5 years. We definitely had our own social lives and independence, I even moved away to another city for university for 3 years. But towards the end I started to become envious of my single friends. It felt like I was somehow restricted in what I could do, not just on nights out, but in life. Like travelling, moving to another city for a job, etc. I felt like my whole life was planned out and I hated it. I also started to wonder what it would be like to be with someone else and if I was settling too early. We did break up in the end because we both said we'd drifted apart and turned into different people. I admit it was difficult at first but it definitely got easier. I've been single now for almost a year and I'm so glad we did break up in the end. I've turned into a much more confident, care-free, and fun person. I've been a lot more care-free on nights out and made so many memories as a result. I've become a lot more ambitious with my career and confident. I honestly feel like I've changed so much as a person, and all my friends and family had noticed, since we broke up. I don't regret the time we were together but I am so glad I had another year at university to experience it was a single person.

Whilst it was definitely the right decision for me, it isn't for everyone. I have friends who have been in LTRs since they were young who are really happy, and I have some who aren't. You'll hear stories of people who have been together for 10 years+ since they were young with no regrets, and you'll hear stories of people who did the same and then divorced 20 years later. It totally depends on you as an individual and the relationship that you're in. Everyone is different and everyone has different expectations in life. You only get one life and you've still got all yours ahead of you. Do what makes you happy. :)

Leave now. You deserve better and are worth better than this.