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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What have I done wrong??

65 replies

missnatalie1025 · 14/06/2018 09:02

Morning, I’ve never posted before but have lurked for years. I need some advice ..

So my partner text me yesterday at work to say he was at hospital and had been all morning. Has had tests and scans but he’s ok and with his Mum.
I rang him to see what was going on as it was the first I had heard and apparently at 9 that morning, he’d had a funny turn and his work had sent him straight to hospital in a car.
Obviously I was concerned but I was fuming if not been told. We had been texting each other on our journeys that morning and nothing had been mentioned.
We fell out later on in the day as I just can’t for the life of me understand why he didn’t phone his partner, why he didn’t instantly think of wanting me with him?
I’m also cross as his Mum didn’t think to tell me anything either 😳 I have spoken to a few people and they’ve all said in that situation, they’d call their partners first before anyone else.
This isn’t the first time he’s not ‘thought’ and I am constantly feeling like I’m having to prompt to think like an adult.
Anyway, so we had a big falling out and I told him I was done, I couldn’t bear to look at him and wanted him to leave.

So he text me yesterday mor OMG whilst I was at work to say he’d taken some clothes and was at his Mums.
I replied that it was for the best and he didn’t reply.

I text him last night to say my son was upset at bedtime and when he found out he wasn’t home and could we sit him down and talk to him together.
He text back hours later and agreed but is so cold and off with me.

I am so hurt. I don’t know why he is mad with me after what happened? I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. Who wouldn’t have been upset at not being told?

Ive not heard from him since and I am struggling this morning. I’ve had to try and keep everything normal this morning and am on my way to work but it’s going to be a long hard day 😔 I am actually gutted.

Please, some advice?

OP posts:

Brunsdon1 · 14/06/2018 17:27

OP I hate to pile on but id have never forgiven you for that behaviour

I frustrate my partner no end because I deal with hospital admissions on my own, I don't cope well with being vulnerable in front of those I love I need to just deal with it

My DP once rang me and a paramedic picked up because I was having a stroke , no I hadn't called him, if managed to ring an ambulance and was focused on staying alive

He understands

He gets it and supports me, he does tell me when I go too far

But frankly if he kicked me out for that id be long gone

I think you owe him an apology and a serious rethink of who was important in that scenario....it certainly wasn't you, it was him

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 14/06/2018 17:27

It's never a good idea to tell someone you want to end the relationship if you don't actually want to end the relationship. I do have sympathy for your situation however, although I wouldn't have made an issue of it on the actual day when he was probably expecting (and rightly so) a bit of sympathy. Is he an only child? I imagine the mother enjoyed withholding the information from you. If either of my children were in this situation the first thing I would do, once at the hospital, would be to let their partners know. From your post it sounds like there is a lot of background history leading to this point. If he's a mother's boy and if his mother manipulates him and undermines you then honestly you are better off out of this relationship - it will never change.

Gemini69 · 14/06/2018 17:29

If he's a mother's boy and if his mother manipulates him and undermines you then honestly you are better off out of this relationship - it will never change

This

diddl · 14/06/2018 17:34

Have I got this right-you told hi to leave, he has done & now you're wondering why he hasn't contacted you?

Bonez · 14/06/2018 17:43

You've massively overreacted and if I were him I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you.

Pandora79 · 14/06/2018 18:35

I don't think OP is making about herself.
If any of you are married with kids and your DH was taken to hospital, what would you expect?

I would expect him to contact me. But then he wouldnt expect me to kick off, kick him out and then get arse because he wasn't happy.

People are making up back stories about him being a mummys boy, when it's just as likely that the op is a bit of a nightmare and plays games and he couldn't be arsed when he was ill.

twattymctwatterson · 14/06/2018 18:48

Do you threaten to dump him every time he does something you dislike op?

Alfiemoon1 · 14/06/2018 18:51

I don’t think he’s a mummy’s boy there Could be various reasons his mum was called either by Work the hospital or him the op hasn’t updated what reasons he gave just they had a row about it.
He did text or ring to update the op which is probably why his mum didn’t or maybe she didn’t have her mobile my mums is never charged as she hardly uses it.

Alfiemoon1 · 14/06/2018 18:53

I was wondering that twatty and also why was your ds upset just because your op wasn’t there one night at bedtime. Why not tell him oh was working or on a night out etc

Honeyroar · 14/06/2018 19:03

You sound like you made everything a big drama and all about you at a time when he might have needed support. If that happens a lot I can actually see why he chose to ring his mum rather than you when he needed someone. And you instigated the break up, he just did what you asked. I wouldn't be running back in his shoes, especially if you can't work out what you've done wrong.

Clairetree1 · 14/06/2018 19:08

I don't understand why you are upset that he didn't contact you. He did contact you.

LiteraryDevil1 · 14/06/2018 19:17

It might be totally unreasonable but I hate it when the OP doesn't come back and just lets posters rant. Or maybe it's a reverse

Singlenotsingle · 14/06/2018 19:25

I don't think the OP got the reaction she was hoping for

Joysmum · 14/06/2018 20:04

I credit my dh with being grown up enough to accept my word if I say there’s an issue but there’s no need for him. I guess that comes from dealing with his parents poor health and then caring for them.

My first thought is always my dh and I would not be happy if he didn’t think I was mature enough to accept his word as to whether I was needed or not, just as he’d accepted mine over 10 years when it came to his parents.

I’d have been very hurt if he didn’t but it wouldn’t have led to me ending it. I can only assume there’s a backstory to this...as there so often is on MN.

Hogtini · 14/06/2018 20:13

OP will be back soon with the dripfeed that she has anxiety...

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