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Original poster

What have I done wrong??

65 replies

missnatalie1025 · 14/06/2018 09:02

Morning, I’ve never posted before but have lurked for years. I need some advice ..

So my partner text me yesterday at work to say he was at hospital and had been all morning. Has had tests and scans but he’s ok and with his Mum.
I rang him to see what was going on as it was the first I had heard and apparently at 9 that morning, he’d had a funny turn and his work had sent him straight to hospital in a car.
Obviously I was concerned but I was fuming if not been told. We had been texting each other on our journeys that morning and nothing had been mentioned.
We fell out later on in the day as I just can’t for the life of me understand why he didn’t phone his partner, why he didn’t instantly think of wanting me with him?
I’m also cross as his Mum didn’t think to tell me anything either 😳 I have spoken to a few people and they’ve all said in that situation, they’d call their partners first before anyone else.
This isn’t the first time he’s not ‘thought’ and I am constantly feeling like I’m having to prompt to think like an adult.
Anyway, so we had a big falling out and I told him I was done, I couldn’t bear to look at him and wanted him to leave.

So he text me yesterday mor OMG whilst I was at work to say he’d taken some clothes and was at his Mums.
I replied that it was for the best and he didn’t reply.

I text him last night to say my son was upset at bedtime and when he found out he wasn’t home and could we sit him down and talk to him together.
He text back hours later and agreed but is so cold and off with me.

I am so hurt. I don’t know why he is mad with me after what happened? I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. Who wouldn’t have been upset at not being told?

Ive not heard from him since and I am struggling this morning. I’ve had to try and keep everything normal this morning and am on my way to work but it’s going to be a long hard day 😔 I am actually gutted.

Please, some advice?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 14/06/2018 09:55

There must a backstory. Or you’re very OTT.

He had a funny turn at 9am at work. So - what has the journey to work texting got to do with the price of tea in China?!

Who knows why he called his mum.
Because he knew she had no commitments that day and you did?
Because he didn’t want to worry you?
Because you tend to go OTT about things, maybe?
He still called you the same day!
And it’s not his fault his mum didn’t contact you - they were in hospital, had other things on their minds.

Then, you dump him - when he’s been in hospital - and have the cheek to say he’s been cold?!!!
Wouldn’t you be cold (or: upset and awkward which comes across like cold) to the person who just dumped you?

And after being dumped, he still agreed he’d talk to YOUR child with you. Which is the actions of a decent person not a saint, of course - but it’s not arsehole behaviour, is it?

Your relationship has run it’s course, this was a flashpoint and it’s for the best.

Alfiemoon1 · 14/06/2018 10:02

Surely the must be some back story here. If u aren’t married u may not be listed as next of kin at the hospital so they may have called his mum. He probably didn’t want to disturb you at work unless it was serious probably didn’t want you worrying unnecessarily
You told him to leave which he has done so unless there is more to this I would just let the dust settle for a few days then speak to him

MinorRSole · 14/06/2018 10:04

Poor man, you are a dramatic woman aren't you. From what you've written he hasn't actually done anything wrong. You had your nose put out of a joint because he chose his mum over you, you need to get over it because it was about what he needed not what you wanted. Unbelievable

Gemini69 · 14/06/2018 10:26

He's a ManChild.. leave him at his Mothers... Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 14/06/2018 11:00

How long have you been together?
Is he the father of your DS?
That will make a difference to responses.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 14/06/2018 11:05

If you live together and have a child together you should have been his next of kin. Can't imagine many men asking for their mothers over their long term wives/ partners. You were wrong to argue with him in hospital but it does seem strange.

Quartz2208 · 14/06/2018 11:35

there is being upset at not been told and there is your being upset - you were way over the top told him to go away and now wonder why he is being cold with you

Heratnumber7 · 14/06/2018 14:51

So my partner text me yesterday at work to say he was at hospital
^
*texted.^ It's a verb in this context.

gamerchick · 14/06/2018 15:04

Texted looks and sounds stupid and if people don't want to use it they don't have to. Hmm

Chippyway · 14/06/2018 15:06

You told him to leave so he left

You realised he wasn’t chasing after you so you text him about your son, knowing full well it’d get a reaction.

You can’t have it both ways.
If someone told me to leave then a few hours later text me like you did I’d be acting cold as well!

You have reacted OTT. I understand you’re upset he never called you and I would probably feel the same however you aren’t married. You don’t have kids together.

SparklyMagpie · 14/06/2018 15:20

I'd have been the one dumping you, Christ

SparklyMagpie · 14/06/2018 15:21

Bit out of order you texting him about your son being upset when it was you who ended it, he doesn't have to talk to your son about why he's not there,you should do that as it was your decision

LiteraryDevil1 · 14/06/2018 15:24

Hopefully OP will come back soon to give us the backstory that there has to be.
I get why you were annoyed OP but to dump him is crazy especially when a child is involved, so this must have been the straw that broke the camels back.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 14/06/2018 15:35

How late was it when he called to tell you?

When I had an accident and broke my arm I went to hospital with my sister (who was with me at the time). I wouldn’t let her call my partner to tell him until I’d been seen and knew what was going on, which took a few hours. I didn’t see the point in him sitting at home worrying for hours when there was nothing he could do, and I thought I’d rather call and say ‘this happened and this is the situation’ rather than ‘I think I’ve broken my arm but I haven’t had an x ray yet so I’ll keep you posted’.

Your reaction does sound extremely OTT!

Alfiemoon1 · 14/06/2018 15:37

I don’t understand why you text him to say your son was upset at bedtime. Why not just tell your son your oh was working late or something

Pandora79 · 14/06/2018 16:01

You can't kick someone out and tell them you can't even look at them and then expect them to be ok.

You really over reacted and are trying to play games. You say you need to keep making him act like an adult, you aren't acting like an adult yourself.

WhoWants2Know · 14/06/2018 16:35

OP, if you have split and your son isn't his child, then he really has no further obligation towards him. You have no right to force this man to explain to your child why you dumped him!

It's a shame that you're sad, but you were the one who ended it.

kissthealderman · 14/06/2018 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 14/06/2018 16:50

You made something that was about him (worrying illness, hospital, tests) all about YOU.

your concern should have been all about his health really, to start with. Maybe the next day/week you could ask him why he called his mum first and not you.

But to break.up with him over this whilst he is admitted to hospital is oddly self centred Hmm

narkedwithanarc · 14/06/2018 16:50

Agree with PP, this is way OTT Confused

I would just be glad my DP was okay if this happened to me, I wouldn't go nuclear and make it about myself. Jeeeeez.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/06/2018 16:58

I don't think OP is making about herself.
If any of you are married with kids and your DH was taken to hospital, what would you expect?
You would expect him to let you know and not go with mummy!
Jeeezzz.... the double standards on here sometimes!

SingleDingle · 14/06/2018 17:09

hellsbellsmellon and if that’s a deal breaker for OP, so be it. But she can’t then act hard done by about his lack of contact or the fact that her son (it read like it is her son only) is upset by her decision. Texting him about that is pretty manipulative.

DixieTrix · 14/06/2018 17:17

Maybe it was his work who notified his emergency contact whilst he was on way to hospital in the car. His personnel file may have not bn updated to include OP as a person to contact under emergency circumstances

RubySapphireEmerald · 14/06/2018 17:20

Why should there be a back story? Maybe the back story is that the OP is a selfish arse who makes everything about her and sulks when she isn’t the centre of attention. If a woman posted that her partner had dumped her in similar circumstances would we be asking about back stories? No didn’t think so.

In terms of being next of kin, the hospital Would take that information but might not call anyway unless the partner was unconscious. But as they’re not married the OP wouldn’t be his next of kin anyway. But as it is, when I was rushed into hospital about two years ago I was lying collapsed on my kitchen floor and still gave my mum’s details as my next of kin, although my DP did know I had called an ambulance

RubySapphireEmerald · 14/06/2018 17:24

If any of you are married with kids and your DH was taken to hospital, what would you expect? I’d expect that if his mum was home and I wasn’t he would ring her and then ring me when he was admitted, which it seems this OP’s dp did.

I have a life limiting illness and it’s my parents who come with me to hospital appointments, because they’re retired and my dp is working, and they all live a distance away.

I’m wondering at those who seem to think that having a relationship with one’s mum should somehow cease when the kids leave home. That one’s an easy one to assume when the kids are still toddlers/school age though isn’t it?