Advice please on how to deal with dh, and whether or not IABU. (Sorry this is long.)

[Mossie]

I didn't want to post this under AIBU because I genuinely don't know whether or not IABU!

Ds is six weeks old tomorrow, I'm on maternity leave looking after him.

He is breastfed, and I am still very unsure of myself as to whether I'm getting it right. I've only had him weighed twice since he was born so I'm not sure how well he's gaining. In fact it was only last week I managed to get his chart swapped to one for a bf baby rather than a ff baby, so I'm not sure yet.

Dh thinks I'm obsessing about it, and to some extent I think I am, but until I'm sure I'm doing it right, I can't seem to stop obsessing.

While this is happening I find it hard to get out of the house by myself, because I only get about half an hour on average between feeds before he kicks off screaming.

Mil helps by taking him for an hour or two so I can get the dogs walked and get some housework done. And then I get him back... and he needs feeding again.

Feeding seems to take hours. Dh thinks that I am probably feeding him when he isn't hungry.

Dh cooks the evening meal. Then he takes ds from me for two hours so I can catch up on some sleep.

This means dh comes in from work and does not get any time to himself. He has pointed out that he thinks I should be doing more. However he has been slightly reticent in telling me exactly what more he thinks I should be doing.

I take ds at night - a night feed typically takes over two hours (over an hour to feed him and then the rest of the time to settle him) but to be fair, he only wakes twice in the night, so I do get some sleep.

I wish dh would take my concerns re: ds's feeding a little more seriously. But at the same time, I could just be being paranoid and I won't know until ds has been weighed a few times.

Dh walks around the house with a proper mardy face on him and I feel low enough without this feeling that he is constantly peed off with me. But to be fair, I am not exactly joy and sweetness and light.

I'm not phrasing this very well, and I'm chunnering. But basically I want to know, what should I do? Am I being unreasonable to expect dh to do what he's doing in terms of helping me?

Better go crying baby... you get the gist!

Sakura I remember DH taKing me for drives too, when DS1 was tiny, just so I could get out of the house and get a change of scene!

Right straight talking my darling Mossie

If the house being dusty or not right does not suit him...
It's his problem.
You are 24/7 attached to your babys' needs, whether feeding him most of that time or not.
it's not forever and you need all his support as being a mum to newborn is soul sucking in the extreme, it takes everything for the first few months.

If you're like me you think it's a luxury to shower and eat a decent sandwich. And I've got an EASY baby.

When do comes home he
baths dd (4) holds Finn while I cook or cooks while I bath feed and settle Finn. WE share a beer or two most nights to de stress

Here is the list of priorities
DS fed, changed and safe
You - eating, showering and resting when you can
DH - eating, getting sleep for work

Washing - truly it cannot be left

Me time for you and DH as and when you can manage it - you first.

Intimacy
Housework

I am a die hard extended breastfeeder onto her 3rd baby, yet I do have a carton of formula just incase one day I need it.

You can get through this with dh and it will make you stronger, then you can both start enjoying your baby together.

Too early to separate PND from stress abd exhaustion though.

I hope you get some good rest and TLC at your MIL's and things improve.

I haven't read all the thread but so this may have been covered. But if he thinks he doesn;t need feeding all the time why don't you hand him over after you have given him both breasts and see if you dh can settle him? I used to do this with my dh and wither he would settle him so I got a break or he would try to settle him fail then I would feed him and he would settle and I could be in the right. So its a win win situation!

Or when you are on your ownin the day, go for walk with him in pram/sling which may make hims leep for a while and if you are dog free you may make it to a cafe for cake! And you are bound to get lots of coos about the baby which always lifts ones spirits.

Your baby is only tiny and the 2 hour feeding may only a case of him 'grazing'.

I also struggled with breast feeding and interference from dh and others put an end to it. If you like breastfeeding you just keep at it. Get in some professional support so you are confident you are doing it OK and persevere - it can take a few months to get the old milk going.

Your husband is, I'm afraid, being an arse - concentrate on your and your baby's needs.