Should DH remember what I like or is this normal?

[shiklah]

DH can't ever remember anything I like and I find it very irritating.

He's never known what I like. Can't remember anything and buys me skin products I'm allergic to to Xmas, drinks I dislike as a 'surprise' and cooks meals I won't eat. Then he acts like a wounded animal and claims he was 'trying' and expects me to be grateful. After 25 years is it too much to ask for him to know what drink I would like in the pub?

Sorry I sound so ratty, I don't have a day off for 3 weeks and he's spent the day in the garden then cooked a meal I wont eat for tea and served me a class of fruit juice when he knows I have severe reflux. I am pissed off .

Later on I will collapse into bed and he'll come up an 1/2 hr later and start bloody 'cuddling' me and again, be like a wounded animal if I want to sleep - I am supposed to be grateful for the 'cuddles' that I don't want. God I'm pissed off. Sorry

I was about to say oh that's far enough for a year.

18 monhrhs? an you have a child ? jesus

And he's been putting up with this for 25 years?

Tbh I am still not really talking to dh after he took the huff I got a bit pa he tried to make me eat ice cream when after 6 years he should know I hate it!
A final straw with exh was when he bought me a huge bar of Galaxy when after many years he should have known I hate that!!
"But I thought you might have fancied some" !
At nearly 40 years old after 4 decades of not??!

Op, of course he should remember what you like!

Have you considered he may be really, really thick?

To be fair to him, it sounds like there’s quite a lot of dislikes/food intolerances to remember. Perhaps leave a list in the kitchen so he can refer to it?

What are you talking about Ford?

shiklah, is he doing it on purpose or is he genuinely forgetful? Is it a form of gaslighting - "I'm only trying to be nice and you are being ungrateful"? I find it difficult to understand how a husband, especially of 25 years, would not know what his wife is allergic to . . .

Is he like that for everyone, or just you? If he knew Dave nextdoor’s preferred beverage but not mine - I’d be applying the electric nipple clamps! It’s hardly rocket science to look at the products you already use for gifts. Is the cuddling just a gateway activity to sex ?

Why can't he remember April? It makes me feel unloved although I know love is not about these things. So the other question is why does it hurt me? I have told him I cannot drink the juice and he said he'd bought it especially. FFS, I haven't drunk juice in 15 years.

Goodness after 25 years??

I’d say you’re well within your rights to be mightily fucked off!!

He's very intelligent - but seems to have become weirdly passive and scatterbrained over the last 5 years.
He is like this with everyone except DC
I know I am a PITA but we've been together 25 years and I would have thought he'd noticed I've never eaten processed meat.

I am in a bad mood.

Thanks for your kindness, made me decompress already.

Does he do it on purpose to piss you off? Its called gaslighting. Tell him what you want or write a list or cook your own meals. That's what I would do.

Yes op after 25 years he should know what you like. He would drive me mad .

He made camomile tea (which I drink every night and have for over 20 years) and put fucking milk in it. When I silently took it out and made a new one he was all sorry for himself "I thought thats what you like, I tried really hard'

Oh FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I am sure it isn't on purpose. He seems to have his brain switched half off.

Getting it wrong is annoying but the self pitying has nearly made me eat and drink stuff that will make me unwell in the past.

He's drinking the juice and looking sad. He bought it especially for me because I like mangoes.

seems to have become weirdly passive and scatterbrained over the last 5 years

Could there be any medical basis for this? Mental illness, physical illness?

If it's been a change in last five years I'd actually be concerned and get him to the doctor. If he's forgetting things and covering it up with being 'scatterbrained' then it's an issue that needs to be looked into.
I had it happen to me and friends, family and doctors told me i was just forgetful. Turned out to be a brain tumour. Easily cured and I'm still a scatterbrain but I don't feel like anyone's stolen my memory anymore.

Do you think he may be going towards Alzheimer's or dimentia?

My husband thought that I liked prawn curry for years; I hate it! I have never worked that out. He knows now.

Is he looking sad or confused? I was confused constantly by the gaps in my memory that seemed to suddenly appear. Convinced people hadn't told me things or that they'd changed dates etc but won't own up to it.

Its called gaslighting

First one on the MN bingo list!

I have suggested and then insisted and demanded he sees Dr about Sleep Apnea as he snores terribly. I think that is an issue with memory but the snoring is relatively recent and this is not a recent problem.

Thanks for all the help - really I mean it

He is 43 and very fit. His memory has always been shit regarding things that aren't important to him. I think he has issues with sleep and memory. I dont think he has dementia or alzhiemers. I think he has been spoiled and indulged by me and now my hormones are changing and I dont want to put up with it or fuss over him any more. Sorry if I sound awful. I am so annoyed.

I am just sick and tired of it all.

Every time my DP gets us fish and chips, he brings back both with salt and vinegar. Every time, I get annoyed because I DON'T LIKE VINEGAR. Not a big deal in the big picture, but honestly, how does he forget every time? It's been years! Can't remember the last time I got to enjoy my fish and chips

Do you eat the chips?