Should DH remember what I like or is this normal?

[shiklah]

DH can't ever remember anything I like and I find it very irritating.

He's never known what I like. Can't remember anything and buys me skin products I'm allergic to to Xmas, drinks I dislike as a 'surprise' and cooks meals I won't eat. Then he acts like a wounded animal and claims he was 'trying' and expects me to be grateful. After 25 years is it too much to ask for him to know what drink I would like in the pub?

Sorry I sound so ratty, I don't have a day off for 3 weeks and he's spent the day in the garden then cooked a meal I wont eat for tea and served me a class of fruit juice when he knows I have severe reflux. I am pissed off .

Later on I will collapse into bed and he'll come up an 1/2 hr later and start bloody 'cuddling' me and again, be like a wounded animal if I want to sleep - I am supposed to be grateful for the 'cuddles' that I don't want. God I'm pissed off. Sorry

I always thought this was a man thing and my dh is guilty also. He bought me a plan chocolate easter egg and gave it to me looking all pleased with himself. "It's your favourite, isn't it?", err No I hate plain chocolate!!!

DH once bought me an Easter egg of the only, literally the ONLY type of chocolate I do not like! White Chocloate - I like everything else and he got me a fucking white chocolate egg! I wonder if something is wrong with his brain and the storage of info gets crossed - she hates it/she loves it. Hmmmm

That is really odd behaviour, OP. Does he get anything right at all or did I miss something?

He has a lot of responsibility both work and personal. He is always in the right place at the right time etc. He knows what the children like and occasionally comes up with great ideas for other peoples gifts. It makes me feel rejected. :(

It makes me feel rejected

I think you should say this. Every time.

Tell him you feel bottom of the list.

OP, your DH may not be aware of his actions, but they feel unconsciously sabotaging. In fact, I'd put money on it: that he is undermining you and your relationship, but that impulse may not be directly within reach (because it serves him not to know about it - all part of his PA behaviour).

This doesn't exonerate him, btw. The problem with someone like this is that they can continue doing this without ever having to take the blame.

You, on the other hand, are all too aware of it. You might have to be the one who acts here. I'd be removing myself from the relationship, because, from this, it's clear to me that the respect has gone, and contempt is seeping in at the edges.

I know where you're coming from. Mine bought me my favourite perfume for my birthday and a week later bought exactly the same one for his mother. His mother! Still doesn't get what he did wrong.
On the other hand, finally got through to him that I only eat Dark chocolate, so he's very good at buying me those. Unfortunately his mum can't stand dark chocolate and guess what he buys her every time?
You wouldn't think it's that hard......

Yes he should! Does he appreciate he efforts you make to give him gifts he enjoys and good he likes? He’s being shit. And white chocolate is the fucking worst. I hope you threw it straight in the bin. Rank.

Shiklah, I think you're justified in feeling peed off. I think it's annoying when you feel you probably automatically take into account his tastes and preferences! God, after 25 years. ...it's pathetic really and bloody insulting. I can understand why you feel it's uncaring. Milk in camomile tea??

Does he do it so he can eat or drink whatever it is he’s got you that he knows you don’t like?

It's not men in general it's some men (and presumably women though I've no experience of that). I've managed to have two husbands like this. Thirty years all together with neither of them knowing caring how I liked my tea or coffee. They thought it was good enough that they'd deigned to make me a drink I think. There were numerous other examples. If I ever said anything I was being petty. God knows why I put up with it for so long.

DP is entirely different, I feel loved, valued and cared for because he cares enough to notice and remember. I don't think he understands quite how wonderful that is to me because it's so normal for him.

Is this thread a wind up?

Over a 25 year period, the husband has committed heinous, unforgivable sins such as:

• Buying the wrong kind of chocolate
• Preparing a glass of fruit juice
• Cooking a meal you didn't want
• Buying a drink in the pub that he thought you'd like to try, but you didn't

Then we get the usual stuff about gaslighting, ASD and advice to end the relationship.

I sniff a planted story.