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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My near miss (A letter to..)

64 replies

IronNeonClasp · 10/06/2018 19:12

Thought I'd share this for the minority that might be going through something similar. Don't do it. Let me know what you think. Thank you 

In my 40’s with a failed marriage, then a relationship ending more recently, I realise now that I gave you the wrong signals and this is entirely my fault.

But, I met my match in you - a good looking, older, charming and wealthy flirt. A real man. I don't deny that there is definitely chemistry there. I initiated contact with you - a married man. But being younger, pretty, sassy and available, you immediately swooped on to me on the off chance I could become your potential mistress, grooming me at every opportunity.

But for me it could work so perfectly where I am in my life right now, a ‘no strings’ arrangement. I seriously deliberated over it.

I don’t have to answer to anyone. Why should I care about morals? I am not doing anything wrong. I am single. I am not married to anyone. I can choose who I want to meet or sleep with - when and where. I am guilt-free. And there’s the thrill of the chase until I meet someone. Then I could drop you. Just as you would me if your Wife ever got a sniff of what you were up to.

And the appeal of the spoil. Selfishly, this could be very lucrative for me, you - my sugar daddy. Once a week sex in a 'posh' hotel, no ties, just you to purchase my loyalty and my secrecy. Perhaps some sexy lingerie, or a skimpy dress or earrings. A dirty weekend away. Or a meal at a posh restaurant and some expensive vino. Good company and the guarantee of sex. Perhaps you would fall in love with me and leave your Wife..

My Father was a serial adulterer. He moved in with the other woman when I was a kid. Then he came crawling back to my Mother. A few more flings over the years. I remember it all very well. In the end he abandoned her completely for another woman. A younger version – just like me. Unlike your Wife and your disclosure to me of having previous affairs in order to get you through your marriage, my Mother always knew. Over time she recognised the signs.

Perhaps your Wife does know. Whilst you are downstairs watching porn or chatting erotically to someone like me, she probably does, but she chooses to turn a blind eye to your behaviour. Perhaps she finds you repulsive because you are like a dog on heat all of the time. Have been for years. A randy, dirty old man. Perhaps all of that pestering over the years has put her off sex completely. Or perhaps she willingly has to oblige due to her marital commitment to you. Perhaps you have a great sex life but you are just so greedy.

I’ll admit, your charm, determination and the chase has been very addictive. I have been flattered by the attention you have given me during the day and whilst your Wife sleeps for the last couple of weeks.

But having now reflected the proposal on a more serious level, the ramifications, potential detriment and deceit, I have come to only one conclusion. I am ending this now before it gets out of hand.

Resistance is not futile. I have to respect your Wife and your Children. And I have to respect my Mother and Myself.

OP posts:
Houseofmirth66 · 10/06/2018 19:22

Do women in their 40s have ‘sugar daddies’? I thought you had to be 21 and nubile.

Houseofmirth66 · 10/06/2018 19:27

My mistake. I’ve just reread and seen that you’re ‘sassy’ so...

Battleax · 10/06/2018 19:29

Oh god. Leave it to the Guardian. That’s quite enough twee prose already.

Oddcat · 10/06/2018 19:30

I wouldn't waste the ink from my pen/cost of text message/internet (delete as applicable) tbh

CookPassBabtridge · 10/06/2018 19:36

house You do if the sugar daddy is in his 60s!

That whole read was yuck.

Brahms3rdracket · 10/06/2018 19:38

Jesus! Is this a test for your creative writing course? Very good dear, C+, keep trying.

SoapOnARoap · 10/06/2018 19:40

Aren’t you too old to have a sugar Daddy?

IronNeonClasp · 10/06/2018 19:45

Thanks all GrinWink

OP posts:
Fuckwithnosensesauce · 10/06/2018 19:48

What is this? Mills and Boon are the other way...running from this story line!

IronNeonClasp · 10/06/2018 19:51

Mumsnetters are so harsh.
It might help someone.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 10/06/2018 19:52

So an older, married lech wanted to shag you. You said no. Why the saga?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 10/06/2018 19:54

It’s just very badly written. The same information presented without using the rather hackneyed “letter” device might be more interesting but I rather doubt it.
I’m not sure what you were hoping for when you said ‘let me know what you think’ but it reads like a Guardian submission which has been rejected for being too pedestrian.

MyKingdomForBrie · 10/06/2018 19:54

Might help whom? It’s just self-exculpatory shite. You approach a married man then you say he is ‘grooming’ you? You’re misappropriating a word which should be reserved for the vulnerable or unaware.

You sound like you inherited your father’s morals.

user7680 · 10/06/2018 19:56

Hahaha!! Why not just block him with no explanation?

iMatter · 10/06/2018 19:58

Well it's good to see you don't have any self esteem issues

That was cringingly bad btw

Battleax · 10/06/2018 19:59

Help them do what? Romanticise adultery? Get misty eyed about dirty old man in flowery, self indulgent, epistolary form? Why? I don’t get it.

IronNeonClasp · 10/06/2018 20:05

OK. Thanks for your comments. Didn't realise it was that bad. I'll get it deleted.

OP posts:
Battleax · 10/06/2018 20:08

Look, some married sleaze wanted to use you as a convenien sex toy.

You thought that maybe that was a great (lucrative) idea (!)

Maybe concentrate on processing that properly instead of glamourising it?

IronNeonClasp · 10/06/2018 20:10

Calm down ladies.
Jesus.

OP posts:
Battleax · 10/06/2018 20:11

Yeah, I did wonder if you were a hairy handed bloke. You are 🙄

MrsJacksonBrodieTheSecond · 10/06/2018 20:11

Wtf have I just read?

MrsJacksonBrodieTheSecond · 10/06/2018 20:12

Ahhhh, ladies. That explains everything.

Dancingmonkey87 · 10/06/2018 20:13

Biscuit what is this sex and the city? Writing is not your calling op.

Battleax · 10/06/2018 20:14

Not only are we “ladies” 🤮, having (perfectly relaxed) independent opinions is a sign we need to “calm down” 😄

IronNeonClasp · 10/06/2018 20:15

No I take all of your comments on board.
It was more about the tug of war. I appreciate all of your comments. Really do.

OP posts:
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